RIP Joseph Pabalan.

Anytime i hear "Best Friend", i remember the boy i first gave that title too. It's been too many years since i've seen him and now he will only live in my memory. Rest in peace my friend. My prayers to you and your family.

It was a new school and i was separated from my family. My parents left me with my grandmother and aunts in monterey park. i was scared, confused and felt lost. Fortunately i made friends with Joseph and Michael. Together we bonded as the only Filipinos in our class at Our Lady of Miraculous Medal (Course you can add Paula since she was Filipino, but she was also a girl =p). I had a hard time deciding between Michael and Joseph who i would consider my best friend, but Mike had Efren..so i picked Joe =p. In 3rd grade politics, that was all that mattered. Thing is, no one else has ever gotten that title from me. It was only short 2 years at OLMM but it definitely left an impression. I still drive through the school thinking about my times there.

Fortunately facebook has reconnected me somewhat with Michael, but friendster and one attempted phone call a few years ago was a poor attempt to reconnect to Joseph. Now he'll only live in my memories...and those will be good ones. I remember the 3 of us hugging Mrs. De La Torre and seeing who could hold her the longest. Joseph showing us to moonwalk, so i smiled a bit when i saw his picture still wearing penny loafter type shoes.

It didn't really hit me till i started writing this. I'm mostly a private person so i had grave hesitations for even posting this. I know i have caring friends, so I'll let you know right now that I am ok. Unfortunately i've been through pain and loss a lot growing up, so i know i make it through. I did want to share this mostly to let you know what Joseph meant to me. Hopefully whoever reads this will think of those they have with them and embrace* these moment. I'm learning from it to keep closer ties with my friends. There is not enough time in the world to be as close as we may hope, but sometimes all it takes is a phone call/txt/wall post to remind each other that we exist.

"This year death reconnected me with two "lost" friends i was really close with growing up. Sadly the recent one was for the first and only person i ever called my best friend. RIP Joseph Pabalan. May HE raise you up on Eagles Wings. www.josephpabalan.com"

Taken from his Friendster...

# About Me:

If you want to know what all my "favorites" are you can
call me, if you're too shy to ask for my number - it's
911, ask for the police and say that you're too much of a
wus and don't know what to do with yourself - then, ask
them to put you away for a long time so that you wont ever
even think of bothering me - and lastly, i enjoy reading
life affirming self-help books, planning for the future,
floral arrangements, and tons of other gay stuff because
im a sensitive and caring man of the new millenium...
# Who I Want to Meet:

here goes...i want to meet a woman who is equally stunning
in an evening gown and a pair of my old PJ's, she's gotta
know when im bull shitting her or myself, pick the right
brandy and cigars, and love motorcycles, surfing, and late
nights painting the town crimson or at home watching KUNG
PAO:ENTER THE FIST. lastly, shes gotta realize that the
most precious thing i can give her is an embrace - the
exact moment that two hearts are the closest. oh, shes
also gotta be able to put up with my reckless candor and
extreme sentimentality. any "potentials" confused about
anything i've written above need not leave me any
messages...i just don't have the time. UPDATE:
As of August 14, 2004, I am no longer a single man. So disregard all the above bullshit.

hard to deal with jerk people when you are the nice guy. If only Karma truly existed i wish people would be good to each other...

Why would i feel the need to apologize for being myself. I've been nothing but true to who i am.

Be the bigger person. You are better that way.

Know that you are loved liked crazy. Give thanks for all your blessings. Above all else, love and you will do wonderful things in this world. ~ soulmate

I love my life. Drove to work smiling after i learned my contractor is a brother in APO. =)

weird dreams last nite. I miss you my habibi.

slap.
caught myself again wasting time. just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

un-inspired?

I shut off the tv, realizing how letting it constantly broadcast images to me may be soothing at times...but has further stunted my creative self. So now..i stare at this screen. Not that much better as facebook and the internet in general has broadcasted to me images and things in other people's lives...but again...i'm watching...not doing.

hello behind the smile. have i been smiling lately? whose to say really. My trusted friends...my words. Its always been my ability to say how i feel and effectively communicate. Here i would write what was going on in my mind, my life. Lately i've been to doped to return here. Realization is the key, but action is required.

Today was a good day. Packing away all the things in my house yet appreciating a tasty lunch with a friend, with the melodic strings of a guitar in the background and a beautiful hostess. The night before, knocking down pins with my cousin and closest friend, taking in life's gifts.

I want more from this life. I have not been giving it my all. I'm numb but i am awakening.

These changing times

I'm writing this now from a gadget on my igoogle page. Needless to say there are a lot of things changing right now and i feel its for the better. I've been busy with work and seems like the house project will get started soon. I'm searching still for a lasting peace and have found myself returning to a higher inspiration. This past weekend i was reacquainted with something i thought i had lost...time. I stopped things and just relaxed. I couldn't stop all the noise and activities around me..but i was able to minimize it..and find some peace. More to come..changes on the way.