whoa..it has been some time since the last post. A lot has happened...I just haven't really gotten it to this journal. Most recently..I got the illustrious first post on a comment to Ernie's blog. Since, then I became a little self-conscious about my blog and now am thinking of a new layout. I really should work on a new design. =/

Things have been looking up lately. I am glad the holidays are over and now I'm just looking forward to new things. I'm still teaching only one class at work, but I am currently looking for alternatives. I contracted with my old elementary school to work on their network on an on-call basis. It will provide me a little money on the side..as well as a chance to play with new network ideas. I was also working for this position at the county..but was just short of the 4 year full-time experience requirement. This is the position I plan to retire with. Actually...it was this and seeing my ex-girlfriend at Dave and Busters recently that has given me a new perspective.

I realize that this is a brand new day of a brand new life. The economy may not look good, but I do have a lot of options. I've recently started mass mailing the resume and am hoping that things will go well. I have been taken pretty good care of myself. Even with only one class..I'll be starting that part time teaching in March, where I'll be teaching on Sundays for significant pay. As February and March come closer, the hiring season will be in full swing. I'm looking forward to getting back into some real world scenarios and problems...with hopefully less stress.

As for relationships....I'm over it. I realized after seeing my ex recently...that I was really over her. That may seem harsh to say...but what I didn't realize was that somewhere in the back of my mind..I was still believing beyond hope that somehow we would be together. I guess it could have been the first love thing. It could have been since we meant so much to each other. When I hear that song from Babyface "what if", all I could think about was past/possible relationships. When I saw her at Dave and Busters..with her husband.. it just hit me. I had seen them together before..and it is not as if it bothered me. It just never hit me. Well sometime last week, I saw them and realized...that she and I were not meant to be. We would still be good friends..but we had grown apart in interests and ideas. It was also around this time that I went clubbing with my cousin. Again..I'm not big on clubbing..but it was really for my cousin..and I just wanted to chill. It was really cool since I actually caught up with some friends that I saw there. I wasn't expecting much...and it turned out to be a really good night. They say love come when you least expect it...well I've given up looking..so we will have to see how long it will take to find me. In the meantime I'm just going to try new things and enjoy life.

11:30 on a Saturday night. I should be out painting the town, partying with friends and drinking it up. Instead, where do I find myself?...sitting at home. Sad you think? Actually this was my choice. I had just come back from a surprise b-day party for my friend Jojo. Surrounded by friends from UCR and such...it was a cool to see everyone again. We actually had plans to go out to a club afterwards...but once I got in my car..I thought about it...and decided to just go home.

Maybe it was the idea about the club. Sure I like the music, but I guess I've always seen clubs as pick-up spots. I may be looking for a relationship..but I really doubt I'll find (at least a solid one) at a club. Plus the I didn't feel all to comfortable with all the people going. They are all nice..and I know them all...but I guess..I just wasn't feeling it tonite.

We've all grown up now. Everyone doing their own thing. Life consisting of work and sleep...with the occasional party on weekends. I looked around at dinner and saw 20 plus people...all there to celebrate Jojo's bday. I knew most of them from college and apo..but did I really know them? Many of them live together as roommates or frequently call each other for things. I felt as if I was more of a tag-a-long or fifth wheel. I find my life has consisted of quite a bit of friends. But for me..there are certain levels of friendships. I know quite a number of people...but most of them are only at the aquaintance level. There are only a few people that I can say I really confide in. Yet even with all these people..I can say I've never really found my core group of friends. People that I can call on at anytime..and receive/expect calls from. A group with which I can plan outings and stuff..and know that they'll be there everytime.

I guess growing up as a military brat and constantly changing schools...I never developed long term friendships. Sadly it must have conditioned me to do that even after my school transitions stabilized. I never worried about friends since I could always count on my family. So in school...I just did my work and went home. If I wanted to go to a movie, I would go with my cousins. I didn't interact with my classmates outside of school. I wanted to say this lasted till college...but I guess in all respects it still affects me now. I do have people I confide in and people I go out with. At least when I had a girlfriend..I had that one special person that was always there for me. Call me selfish..but yeah. I try to always be the helpful one...the one to support my friends in their time of need. And I guess right now ..I need the person who will be there just for me.

Hey Christina...sorry to hear about your man.
hee hee. you know they've already gotten to the greatest hits albums.

I realized that the my blogging tended to stop when my sister came back home. I'm glad I still prefer human interaction...as opposed to living in front of my computer. Don't get me wrong...many things have gone on in the past weeks...some good, some bad...but I was just too busy to blog about it.
As for right now..I'm just going to give you a lil blog-blip.(trademark..ray...hee hee)

First..my sister just left for Australia. In the past few years...we've become really close. Especially during this holiday season..the three of us (my sister, my cousin, and myself) were almost inseperable. I'm saddened that she is already going back to school..and I hope she has fun in Australia. Love ya sis.

Secondly, I am about to leave to do my new years resolution. I've decided to go to the gym everyday for at least an hour. (who knows how long this will last.) Well the first day resulted in 15 minutes of stretching and overexerting myself on the bike for a 5 minute mile. Not a good way to start being that I haven't seriously seen the gym for a number of years now. Overexerted to the point that I felt nauseated and had to get home. Oh man..what a way to start..but I'm going to head back... Gotta start somewhere. =)

Happy New Year Everyone