am i going..am i not.....well..i am.

Ended off the week really good. The project i had finished. (we'll have to see on Monday to make sure its all good). Thankful for my friends for sticking around with me while i was there.
I woke up the next morning heading to Long Beach to meet with Kevin and checking out the venue. Was pretty productive and nice to see how the surrounding area has been revitalized. Rather weird walking around the city. I actually wanted to visit the old mall..where much of my childhood was spent.

Sunday I'll be heading to Asian American Expo. Should be interesting as well.

But as far as the going or not going...well...i'll be in Norcal next week. There were question on if i was actually gonna head up there or not, but yeah I'm gonna help out at the San Jose branch of the company. Already looking to catch up with biggwould. I'll figure out what i have to do first...but it will be nice to see norcal again.

guess all the good things had to catch up to me.

Its now about 1.40am Sat morning. I had a project to do at work today..then things became crazy. My boss told me to fly to Norcal next week to help out at an office. Course..i find out today, so i have to rush and get everything together. In addition to that, i had an overnite job (hence why i'm still here) scheduled to upgrade our server. Oddly enough i'm not very tired/sleepy. I find that i can tend to work well..even after a long day...if the pressure is on. (guess that explains AX).

Well..fortunately..i think this project will be done soon. Therefore i can head home and work on other things. geez. More work to do there too.

honestly..i do love my job. Its got its ups and downs...but for the most part..its good.

nite all

ray
i heart karen.

The Jerry Maguire moment.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. After an accomplished day of 3 hours of grocery shopping (i know i take forever) and a couple other stops, I woke up feeling great. Got dressed...looking pretty good...then...it happened. I realized in all this goodness..i was missing something...
i was missing Karen.

Things are going well. Relationship is well. Taking care of things at work and at home. Althought i have a busy weekend planned, hoping to pull some time to really work on things. Hoping to get the 3rd room established soon.

hello all...

things are going well here. I'm feeling very accomplished at work now that i've taken care of a number of tasks...and even at home things are getting done. I struggled with a computer problem for days on end..only to realize the solution was right in front of me. At times you just need to take a step back.

Things between Karen and I are going well. I just love her soo much. Every relationship has its trials...its the strength of it that will hopefully see us thru it all. I even got to help her classmates with their computer problems. Yeah! brownie points for me.

Kicking PMX stuff into gear as well. Got a busy weekend of visiting...and looking to start the ball rolling on some things. Lots to do..lots to do...guess keeping busy helps keep me happy.

Football Sunday after a trip to Oregon.

Today I was able to actually sit back and just spend personal time. It started after a fun evening in SD celebrating Donny's not so leaving us for Oregon...which was actually a surprise birthday party for Jojo and Dao. It was great seeing everyone again. Party started at Canes by the beach..and ended at Moondoggies and PB Bar and grill. The dance floor at PB still stinks (literally..like a locker room)...but the music was cool and i had fun dancing. Had good converstion with Clara about relationships and careers. I even found Leah (Rho rho founder) on the dance floor of PB Bar and Grill. Well..eventually left for home and a reminder to drive safely from CHP..but finally got home to MPK.

I went home cuz i wanted to clean some stuff around the house. Woke up and walked to Shakas to get the Sunday paper. Heated up some lunch and talked to Karen while watching the Falcons beat the Ravens. After that actually got outside like i wanted to and pulled up a trashcan full of weeds and growth. I really need to decide how i want the landscaping to work, so probably going to talk to the gardener. I've never liked doing lawn work, but it did feel different having to do your own lawn. Actually felt good getting dirty and pulling out those suckers. Now gotta visit Home depot and nuke my lawn of weeds and ants.

Summer like weather is here. Its sunny and nice. Time to take care of things again (least those things i do have control of).

BTW. The patriots just beat the Steelers. Its gonna be a good Super Bowl Game. I know my office is happy to see the Pats at the Big game again.

Yeah its friday...too bad there is no rest to be seen yet =/

I didn't have too much to do at work today, although i did have to be in the office 2.5 hours earlier than normal to set up a video conference. I've been doing quite a bit of hours lately...i think i need a personal day. Either way i did get a lot of other stuff done as well.

I thought i might go drinking, to wish my coworker congratulations on getting into MBA school. I decided to pass on that since i was so tired from the early morning and looked forward to playing some bball with Clint and Kenta. While chatting with Kelly before heading down, we decided it'd be cool for her to come out too and ball up...just like old times with the Rho Rho founding class. man..i miss those days...and those people.

So..high tailed it out of work at around 5 to get stuck in mandatory friday traffic. It really wasn't that bad. I got to cerritos from pasadena at about 6.20. I know this cuz i met with my PMX concert coordinator at that time to do some planning. Dropped off the paperwork and headed on down. Instead of getting lost somewhere near campus, I luckily got a call from Kelly so decided to meet up at her apt. Unfortunately, due to miscommunication (or the guys were afraid Kelly would beat their ass in basketball- her words), i missed catching Clint and Kenta. Sucks...all decked out to ball up...and no one to play with. Well..decided i'd continue on with the original plan and try to meet Kevin at Guppy Tea House. Kelly wanted to come along so we headed out. Setback #2 - Kevin doesnt' pick up his phone. We make it to Cerritos, but since he never calls, we go get somethign to eat and instead get our basketball fix by watching Coach Carter. Movie was "ok"...but definately made us want to play bball more. Anyways..after that, i headed home.
Got to see Sam and Mila before they watched their movie, had good talks with Kevin and Kelly, but missed out on Bball and clint...so i guess it wasn't too bad a nite.

Anyways...now time to crash. Got haircut for tomorrow as well as heading down to SD.

btw - I love my Karen =) too bad she was sleeping and i couldn't talk to her tonite. She's gonna keep me company on my way down to SD.

Wow..
amazing day today. Things got pretty crazy this morning...and surprised i got to pull it all together in the end.

Well...we start with last nite. Things with Karen and i have been sorta rough lately. Honestly i'm not one to put it out here for public consumption...most of the inner turmoil and/or my private life is left off the journal. Basically, like any relationship, there comes the period of questioning and confusion. Fortunately, last nite, we just talked it out. To me it feels its gotten better. We'll just have to see what will happen in the future.

As far as this morning, problems just came on strong. I realized with a recent consolidation of offices in Australia, I had to work double time to get them ready....esp since they are moving in this weekend. Anyways, as i'm working on this, i learn that i'm out of space on the server. I then have to figure out how i'm going to resolve that when the tech for the network connection comes in. Needless to say (esp those not into this techno babble) it was a busy day...but all handled.

Innate sense

Today seems a bit better. I woke up and actually got up. Jumped into the shower and started looking forward to the day. Breaking routine, I felt a sense of emptiness. Regardless i have to push along and see what will come to be. I was fortunate to get things done last nite work wise, so my plate wasn't so bad in the morning.

The previous nite, I headed home after work to help my dad out with his lab. I came home to a happy cubie running up to me. It was good to see him again as well as seeing dad and mantha. Thing about it is i could understand cube...obviously transcending the communication barrier between dog and man, by just looking in his eyes. He hasn't seen me for quite some time..but that in that shared glance...he knew everything.

Sometimes...its just a look. That look in the eyes. You can see everything in that...its some innate sense. You can't explain it...and there really is no logic.

Sometimes you can tell it without even seeing it. Its hearing the cry for help when no word is spoken. Jumping at a chance when everything seems to be against you.

Its a vibe..a feeling...and likely innate for survival instinct. Its something to keep us from harm...its just a question if we want to follow it or not.

Silenced
My heart has been silenced. The is no one to hear the songs anymore. Hopefully I can sing again someday.

Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Quite a weekend so far.

The end of this week has been pretty good and productive. Got this project done at work, albeit the tech showed up last minute. Anyways, things are going well. The weekend has been primarily alchohol filled. Started out on Friday going out to yard house with my coworkers. Its nice ginding time to actually sit and talk, without it haveing to be work related. Ended up topping off a yard of newcastle before heading out to a pub and bar in Old Towne Pasadena. While i was there was able to meet up with some old friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. Overall, successfully made it home safely...and got a few hours sleep.
Saturday morning i got an early wake up call from Jerry as he was my ride to San Deigo and eventually Sea World. While i wasn't expecting much, it was actually fun. This group i've been working with for the past years truly are a family to me....one that i haven't been able to spend much time with lately. While unfortunately that Jerry had to leave early, I did have a first in going to PB and smoking a hooka. Had a lot of fun just chilling and drinking the nite away. Anyways, prob relaxing most of tomorrow...whenever we wake up...and heading back home.

The sun was so nice today. I actually woke up and said "its gonna be a beautiful day"...and that it was. Got to work pretty energized. I really have to say that i do work better in good weather. I was able to take care of most of my tasks and spent the afternoon working on various projects.
Trying to clean up stuff around the house, put the tools away, watch my bit torrent downloads, and catching a pretty funny episode of South Park. Ending my nite writing this post and talking with Karen. Overall a good day...and looking forward to more in the future.

Currently playing yahoo pool with Karen.
So far so good...i'm up 2 games (to zero...but hopefully i can post this before that changes).

Monday my predecessor came back. It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. For the most part things went ok. Spent a pretty busy morning setting people up, but the day was mostly uneventful. Spent yesterday relaxing...getting stuff done around the house, finishing the family lasagna that i cooked. Thinking about starting to cook myself. I'm planning on getting the sunday paper and coupon cutting..and shopping for groceries next week.

The torrential downpours have finally ended. Today I woke up and it was nice and sunny. If it keeps nice and warm, prob get some housework and stuff done. I'm feeling that things are getting done at work and home...so all is well.

Not sure how this weekend is going. May be in SD for a trip with the VAC crew.
Started buffy season 7 last nite. Such a good series...too bad it had to end.

Ok...till next time.
(Karen won the last one..so its 2-1 now)

the weekend has come to an end..and its had some ups and downs.

First off...its still raining. I had thought about going to CES, but that didn't pan out since it was actually SNOWING in vegas. No biggie.. just felt i'd rather take personal time this weekend. It started with spending time with Karen before she left for school Sat morning. I got home around 5 am, with the understanding that i had to bring the dog to the groomer. I got a 2 hour nap..and that was really good, since after i brought cube to the groomer, i got trapped doing work this weekend. Seems we had a errant email that took down all our email servers. My coworkers and I spent most of Saturday troubleshooting the problem.
I had a craving for CPK bread since friday, so my sister and I had planned on spending the day together and getting a meal there. Unfortunately that email problem and the rainy weather got us trapped at home (well me at least). It was nice though when Ed came over after his meeting and we all went out to the mall (and ate cpk). I haven't talked to Ed in a while, so it was nice to reconnect. I also picked up some soft center candies from See's. I had gotten a gift certificate like 2 years ago..and finally decided to redeem it. It was a good Saturday.

Sunday started pretty well. It was nice when Cube came over and went back to sleep with me. When i woke up again, i found myself alone at home (everyone was at church) and i had to race off the PMX meeting. The meetings haven't really been productive in my opinion, but when i commit to something, i try to live up to what is expected. Ended the meeting with the movie "Meet the Fockers" and finding my car with a dead battery (darn car needs automatic headlights). I'm glad that Jerry was able to stick around and help me jumpstart the car.

For the most part...a pretty good weekend. Now back to the messy house...and need to clean this place up.

OK..close to everyday =p

Its friday...its friday. This week is over and its actually ending pretty good. Had a talk with Karen about where our relationship is heading. Resolved that we're just gonna see how it goes. I love her and there is no question of that...so we're just gonna see where this leads.

Had some good convos with my friends about my job. It was definately a nice moral booster. Whateve even better than that is some of my older friends offering me positions with their companies. I'm glad to see that IT industry is on its way back up..and my skills are still valuable.

In talking with Karen last nite, talked a bit about my level of complacency. Yeah, i can definately say i'm stable and content. Is there a lot more out there for me...i agree...i'm just taking my time in moving forward. Guess i've focused so much of my energies on work and home...but probably worthwhile to investigate other endeavors as well.

I wish for a carefree life. Honestly...i'm driven now for life on a quiet island (i think i'll set myself up to retire there).

So this weather is wreaking havoc on my face. Can't tell if its that or just the cold weather. Either way i feel like my face is peeling away and breaking out all over. It could be stress related...and there are many stressful things i can point to so far.

I've learned that the person i took over for is coming back to my company. Needless to say it feels a bit uneasy. I've been reassured by many that i am doing a good job...but thing is I know i can do better. Having their golden child back in the same office as me is putting me on the defensive...even though he's supposedly no threat to my position. (he's coming in as a economist.) Anyways, its making me ponder some other options as well.

Yesterday was my six month anniversary. Things with Karen have been going good...but it isn't perfect. Every relationship has its highs and lows. The best thing about our relationship is we're pretty open to talk about things...especially our feelings. This isn't a private blog...and not everything is meant to be shared. Trust in the fact though that I am still very happy with her..and glad she is a part of my life.

Distance

Hard to calculate. Its not always a determination of miles of pavement.

Relatively quiet day at work today. Surprisingly didn't get too many calls from the school...so things went smoothly.

Still raining..and this weather sucks.

Finding myself in an awkward position..of just not knowing where i stand..or where i want to be. Much of these resolutions just want to improve things...but easily finding things to hinder me. I really just need to self-motivate...but this cold and weather doesn't aid me. In addition to that, my face is breaking out again cuz of the cold. Ugg.

Anyways...hoping to get myself set for my personal project. I'll let u know more as it comes along.

Best intentions...slow to change..

So i told my aunt I'd wanted to go to church with her today. I almost woke up to her call...but just didn't get up. Going back to church is something i'm thinking about doing...just a matter of getting the motivation to do so. I've always said if there was something that you wanted to change about it (my feelings about my church)...then it would be up to me to do so. It will be gradual...but we'll see how it goes.

The rest of the day was nice. A quiet day at home...finishing leftovers..and attempting to clean up the house. Watched dodgeball..but nah...not as good as zoolander.

I was able to wrap up all i needed to do for the school...but expecting a number of calls tomorrow when the teachers come back in.

Looking forward to a productive year...

And so it begins...

Well..2005 has started..and its going ok. I took care of some work at the school...before opting to head home to family....only to find that my brother and sister were out...and my cousins sitting and watching TV. I remembered how i "vowed" last year that i didn't want to do this anymore..the quiet home celebration...while my friends were all out tipsy-ing the nite away. It actually was my impetus to find my own place.

Thing is...its a part of me. From the unusual tradition of opening up windows or my mom banging pots...it has been my mom's family tradition. I can't say it will be that way forever...but for 2004..I wanted it to be family.

Anyways...after the midnite count down...we proceeded to play Disney Scene it. Glad everyone got into it..and samantha came up as the winner. It was nice having everyone around again.

I was hoping to get that midnite kiss from Karen this year...but she was off with friends and unfortunately my phone has crappy reception here. I'll just have to collect on it later.

Anyways..as far as next new years...we'll see if my house is ready for it. Personally, I'm opting to host it next year..so its definitely not going to be quiet.

Happy New Year everyone.