A new start...

Well...I'm not much for New Years Resolutions. If you sincerely believe in change you can do that at anytime,but hey...the new year is a pretty good catalyst. So..let me see what this past year has brought me.

Last year i was working in Westwood. Company pretty good and me getting comfortable since i had been there for a year. Still somewhat active in APO stuff, since we'd just come off the Regionals conference in Long Beach. Was fairly socially active with my friends from OC and SD. If i remember correctly..that December Bday party was one to definately remember. My brother decided to open up to me during regionals about things in his life, especially since we had just reconciled. I had to deal with two close friends that had parted ways. I was frustrated with life at home. I saved a lot...but had to deal with a lot as well. Looking back at the blog, I was writing each day..and actually had a lot of things to say (plus tried to hit the gym each day). I was watching RENT and the Producers...and weekly movies at my cousin's theater. Getting out and going to events...but still without that special someone in my life. It wasn't for lack of trying...but i just didnt' connect with anyone. Questioned on love as a whole...but was re-affirmed by my friend bryan (nov). Actually hung out with Al sometimes. The VAC/AX/PMX group was still somewhat cohesive. The Chomps Sushi crew and 5th Wave was a monthly joy. Christmas time was in the air...music was playing. It was a good year..

This year in review, been quite different. I finally decided to strike out on my own. After much research and saving, bought a house in Monterey Park - across the street from where i grew up. Did it all on my own, with only advice from family and friends... Simply trusted my realtor. Still in a bit of paranoia about not being able to afford it. (i'm freezing at nite cus of the cost to heat up the whole house...especially when its just me). Thank goodness for my aunt's electric blanket.
I'm still with the same company...and its still pretty good...but also been offered twice a new opportunity that seems really good. Just questioning if i want to take another leap of faith again.
Been out of the APO loop for some time now. I still talk to a couple people here and there...but haven't been active at all. Losing contact with al, ed, bren, sharon and all the people i was close to. (ok..not so much bren..since i see him online and we chat almost daily). Stopped my 5 years of AX Security...and joined the PMX team. Didn't really give up on AX since i just wanted to lessen my role (rejoined later in a different department). I started becoming a reculse. Drawing away from the world..and just getting into the routine of going to work..and going home. Didn't see any of my friends...and the only people i talked to were those on my buddy list. Not sure where my brother and I are at...things are just awkward. I'm regaining my sense of family from my move to Monterey Park. Having meals with my aunts and cousins...hearing auntie poyche tell me stories about my mom, my aunts and uncles, and growing up in the philippines. Found love with Karen in july...and getting used to being in a relationship again. Its nice...and things are going well. Becoming a handy man around the house. Had to figure out the fireplace and flip the circuit breaker without calling my dad. It has been nice though working with my dad on various house projects (motion sensor lights). Gaining a new appreciation for everything...and seeing the beauty in simple things.

So..where to now.

A bunch of things i've "said" i wanted to do...maybe its time to just list them. That way i can finally knock them off along the way. I'll have to put these on a seperate webpage and keep them in front of me.

1. Put up my own personal website - (training c/o Clint)
2. Blog and work-out daily again - (starting Jan 1)
3. Learn to cook and eat healthier
4. Get back into community service
5. Make a list of things i want to do, before i die/age. (NY ball drop, NO Marti Gras)
6. Make a list of places I want to go (Carribean, China, Europe)
7. Read more books
8. Finish the house before 1 year anniversary of ownership (May 1)
9. More do it yourself tasks around the house.
10. No more "cheapy" text happy holiday messages. Actually calling up friends and having conversations.
11. Learn more...picking up a new interest.

Ok..thats a start.
Lets see how we go from here...but its already looking good.

-excelsior

Most of the shopping is done now...
Just want to wish everyone a merry christmas and happy new year!

-Ray

Xmas coming...but am i excited?

Hey friends...sitting here in Northampton, Massachusettes and typing on a mac of all things. ewww. Well, I'm out this week "picking up" Karen from school...and flying back home to nice warm California on Wed. Its "ok" out here. Definately colder...but for the most part a quaint little town. Smith college is a nice school...with definately a nice New England feel. Brick buildings and cottage style architecture. The pond and waterfall make a nice touch. I bet its prettier...when the pond isn't so iced over..or the sun shines thru the trees once full of leaves. It also just started snowing tonite..and expected to continue thru tomorrow. Overall, its been a good trip so far. I'm a bit dissappointed since i lost my mp3 player on the way over or something. arrgg..I hate it when i lose things. For the most part...just trying to relax. So..basically sleeping and eating.

Anyways... the topic of this was about xmas. I dont' know...really just not feeling it so far. Its a bit different coming home (this time in MPK)..and not seeing family...especially this time of year. I love the fact the my neighbors are getting the spirit of the season. The lights are really pretty and even my aunt put up her tree. As for me, my house is still a mess. Visions of computer pieces strewn all about the floor. Next year will be better..(so i say). This world has gotten so commercialized...all i see are sales and guarenteed pre-xmas delieveries. I wish this "season of caring" would actually just happen year round for people. Why now..and not in july? I guess its just nice overall...that people care to help out their fellow man.

Personally..i think i just want to sit by the fire with family and actually sing xmas songs this year...while sipping on hot cider or hot chocolate. For now, I think i'll need to load up on the Xmas spirit and watch ELF and "Its a wonderful life".

Arrggg.

Yup..an island i tell you. Where the sun shines 90% of the time (except at nite of course)...temperature a nice 80-90 degrees....white sand beaches...and clear skies. Oh yeah...no need for computers either..Uggg.

Yup..my island dream comes to me again after a late nite of disgusting computer work. Funny too when u figure its my profession...but man..it can be quite the pain in the ass. All i wanted to do was replace my bad CPU...but i had to flash the bios...and in the process somehow damaged my hard drives.

Man..i was at a total loss. My life was on those drives. Hundreds of photos from different events, memories, papers, AX documents, EVERYTHING.

I think i made a back up of my stuff some time ago, so I wasn't feeling it to be a total loss...but at the same time made me think.

Man..how dependant we are on computers/technology for things. At times i just want to step away from it all and just get away.

I've become so reclusive lately that it sucks. Going xmas shopping shows me how detached i am. I walked around the mall for hours and couldn't even think of anythign to get people. Hard thing now a'days is that most of my family friends have money that if they saw somethign they wanted..they get it. Guess no wonder why gift cards are the most popular present this year.

I enjoy my family moments with my auntie poyche, O'Dell family, John and Alexis...waking up sunday mornings and walking across the street to have lunch and actual conversation. Last week we even sat together and watched House of Flying Daggers.

But for the most part...its just me...this laptop at work...and this laptop at home...and phone calls with Karen... make up most of my days.

I mean...its simple...i lost the data on my hard drive...my life....(well..what i considered my life)...and i couldn't even really think what i lost on it besides my photos.


What happens when i "disappear"? will anyone miss me or even realize i'm gone. At times i feel like i'm gone already.


Well...its not like i'm depressed or anything..so don't all start calling or anything. When i think about it, I know i made a significant contribution in my experiences with APO...but nothing lately. I used to do a lot with my family (immediate and extended)...but now seems more like we just co-exist. I think the most fun with my family i had lately was Sam's bday at Speedzone. I tend to occupy myself with so many things, i miss out on the simple things. I remember Summers of Sushi with Bren, Ed, and Sharon...every other thursday. It was a ritual...then 5th Wave for Soju and Cards. i want to so a service project again. I know i've been blessed in life. I want to give something back.

Many things i want...and not things i can put on a list. Mainly...i just want time..and a life....and an island =).

wow..time just seems to fly.
Plus the weather out here just plain sucks. I can't wait till summer comes back.
Only thing saving me are my aunt's electric blanket and late nite phone calls from Karen.

Work has been busy..and the house is still coming together. Time just seems to be disappearing. Still haven't figured out what to do for xmas gifts and stuff..and realize i really dont' want anything personally. I'm pretty happy with all the "things" i have now...just keeping myself busy with life. If anything, probably gift certificates or money =p.

As for gifts for other people, i find myself in the same predicatament. I'm at a loss at what to get people this year. I haven't caught the "holiday" cheer yet. Maybe its cuz i've been too busy. It is nice though...driving home and seeing the houses on my street decorated. I'm thinking i may go ahead and do that next year.