Arrggg.

Yup..an island i tell you. Where the sun shines 90% of the time (except at nite of course)...temperature a nice 80-90 degrees....white sand beaches...and clear skies. Oh yeah...no need for computers either..Uggg.

Yup..my island dream comes to me again after a late nite of disgusting computer work. Funny too when u figure its my profession...but man..it can be quite the pain in the ass. All i wanted to do was replace my bad CPU...but i had to flash the bios...and in the process somehow damaged my hard drives.

Man..i was at a total loss. My life was on those drives. Hundreds of photos from different events, memories, papers, AX documents, EVERYTHING.

I think i made a back up of my stuff some time ago, so I wasn't feeling it to be a total loss...but at the same time made me think.

Man..how dependant we are on computers/technology for things. At times i just want to step away from it all and just get away.

I've become so reclusive lately that it sucks. Going xmas shopping shows me how detached i am. I walked around the mall for hours and couldn't even think of anythign to get people. Hard thing now a'days is that most of my family friends have money that if they saw somethign they wanted..they get it. Guess no wonder why gift cards are the most popular present this year.

I enjoy my family moments with my auntie poyche, O'Dell family, John and Alexis...waking up sunday mornings and walking across the street to have lunch and actual conversation. Last week we even sat together and watched House of Flying Daggers.

But for the most part...its just me...this laptop at work...and this laptop at home...and phone calls with Karen... make up most of my days.

I mean...its simple...i lost the data on my hard drive...my life....(well..what i considered my life)...and i couldn't even really think what i lost on it besides my photos.


What happens when i "disappear"? will anyone miss me or even realize i'm gone. At times i feel like i'm gone already.


Well...its not like i'm depressed or anything..so don't all start calling or anything. When i think about it, I know i made a significant contribution in my experiences with APO...but nothing lately. I used to do a lot with my family (immediate and extended)...but now seems more like we just co-exist. I think the most fun with my family i had lately was Sam's bday at Speedzone. I tend to occupy myself with so many things, i miss out on the simple things. I remember Summers of Sushi with Bren, Ed, and Sharon...every other thursday. It was a ritual...then 5th Wave for Soju and Cards. i want to so a service project again. I know i've been blessed in life. I want to give something back.

Many things i want...and not things i can put on a list. Mainly...i just want time..and a life....and an island =).