Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to ryhme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find

You and I collide

Howie Day - Collide

Ironic how this provided the perfect theme music to reading her blog. I love the way music at times can so easily express your feelings, when words fail to do the task.

I took the day off work yesterday and took stock of my life. I visited my grandmother, who i haven't seen in over a few years now. Surprisingly i knew exactly how to get there...even past the triumphant palm trees that mark her street at Rose Hills. As i kneeled there looking at her headstone... i just calmed myself...and took it all in. Death....life.... thousands of markers surrounding me...last reminders of people's lives. My grandmother was an extraordinary woman. Raising her family, transplanting to the US, caring for me as a child. She smelled of coffee and rice (i swear i think that was her favorite)...and always with a "toospic" in her mouth. Everytime the ice cream man drove down the street...i would rush to her for a dollar to get candy or a glider...and she always gave me one. Every afternoon from school, we would always have merienda...always something tasty to eat. She taught me tagalog..without any word of english. She taught me to manong..and respect my elders. She taught me the importance of family...all of us in that house...all happily together.

I then walked to my uncle Al. I remembered how he would always visit us at Monterey Park. His "miho/miha" whenever he would see us. I remember how he looked after me after my first communion and how we all had brunch together. I remember many times that he asked me to look out for his kids. I promised i would...and want to keep that promise.

Then i went to visit my auntie Phine. I never really knew my aunt and uncle....but i see them..in there son john. He lives with my aunt across the street. "Beloved wife an mother...who's joy in life was making others happy." - adorns her headstone. I don't doubt it. I'm very proud of John. My aunt and I joined him at Holy Thursday mass yesterday..which is prob the first time i've done that in quite a number of years. He and his girlfriend will be going throught confirmation on Holy Saturday, completing his christian training.

After mass i tried my first hand at cooking something creative. Chicken and mushroom over spaghetti. My aunt and John both said it was tasty..but i think they are biased. We sat and watched Garden State.

I'm glad i was able to take the time away to just collect my thoughts and simply breathe. There are many things on my mind right now...things that people need to figure out....family away in the Philippines...issues with AX...tasks with PMX....and top that all off with work. But when you look at those headstones...you have to think....is it all really worth it. I walked past soldiers of WWII and korea....mothers.....fathers.....sons...daughters. Each made a contribution in their life..and to the world around them. We may not all see it...but it was important in their experience. Guess like they said in Garden State....its just life...and its all that we have. Appreciate it while you have it...and effect your own level of change. In anyway...just sit and admire the beauty that is around you.

-excelsior