Simple equal Simpleton?

Maybe its rap music or too much TV =p....but i've come to really question my own level of intelligence. I guess i've been taking it too easy lately. One of the factors for this questioning occured when i was home one weekend. I told my father that the vet indicated that cube needed to get spayed...in which my sister quickly corrected me saying...."you mean neutered...not spayed". Part of me thought...what is the difference...both terms identify the same thing...where for cats is spaying and dogs its neutering. The end result is to make them biologically incapable of reproducing. My word choice was not a big deal to me, for i knew that my father as well as my sister knew exactly what i meant. Of course, it would be a big difference for cube =p.

Thing is...i've really let myself go. I guess i could ask...when have i even tried?

Throughout my life...things have been "given/handed" to me. My parents provided for our family and did whatever they could for us children. Education was something my parents valued and they felt they sent us to the best schools (crazy how schools are lately). I took AP courses...and also had 2 years of "office Aid". My most challenging class....humm....maybe History. Least i liked the subject and the teacher pushed me. Course that was the only AP test i got a 4 on.

Even when i applied to High school and eventually college...i didn't even worry if i was going ot make it or not. I tried for 4 UCs..and got into the 3 i expected...not UCLA but wasn't expecting that anyways (come on..UCLA as a bio major at the time-almost impossible). I've lived in a little bubble...keeping myself afloat...and staying on top without much effort. I'm watching March Madness lately just to see a good basketball game...but i have no clue where these schools are or what their challenges are. I hardly read in college and was able to pull multipage papers last minute, but it wasn't crap work...i just work well under pressure. I can pull out concepts..without focusing on details. I can still explain Glycolosis to you...but i don't know the names of each enzyme.

Personally..i dont believe there is anything i can't accomplish. I was faced with a significant charge to mow/clean the overgrown lawn in the backyard...but instead worked for 4 hours clearing out the area. I somehow figured out and saved enough to buy myself a home at age 28. I have a good job..supportive family...and friends all around. It is a good life...and i'm happy in it...but could there be more.

i find i am capable of inspiring people. Its not that they want to be like me...but more so that when i talk to them..they want to be better people themselves. Thing now is...how can I inspire myself. What do i have to do to challenge myself?

I have become stagnate. I've accepted myself and kept to this idea of life. Ambitions, desires, wants are at a lull. I'm "happy" with what i have. It leads to a life of contentment...or does it really? If i was content...why would i be writing about changing things...or wanting something different...or more.

I've become too tied down to the material things around me. I've forgotten the people that love me and are around me. I have cousins, neices, nephews that i don't even know of...and at times even the ones that are minutes away from me. I can tell you what happens in a I Love Lucy episode, but not know who the Secretary of defense is. I can give you an opinion on most things..but i don't feel as if i am a whole person. My life has become the ugly cycle of work, home, sleep.

The final days of Febuary had a number of life changing events for me. It inspired me to really look at myself and change things that i didn't like. That desire to change hasn't stopped...but has now expanded. I've listed my Goals on the side...i think i need to add somemore. I want to work towards something. Even if i can't figure out what yet...i want that challenge. I want to better myself. I've gone too long being simple...that i have become a simpleton.

Edit - I have to start focusing on even my language. I'll try to stay away from AOL shorthand.