-touched by my angel-



she said when we met, i brought her closer to God
It was because of us, i turned away from Him
now she has called to me, to join me on my walk
to me...she never left.

Feb 15-18

Friday
hellish day at work. required to work over the 3-day weekend
coffee date ok'd =)
headed home late and tired, on to sneaking garland out for surprise
dinner with family and friends at curry house on sawtelle.
much love to Chris h and Elsa for skipping movie to be with us
Garland surprised and happy about computer
Mark still mark
Chris still wearing red thing around his neck.
Good times.
Shopping at Japanese store. Picked up BumbleBee and Optimus Prime
hot grass jelly with red bean and almond jello
Sitting at volcano till midnite.
Garland wish "Well, it already came true."

Saturday
Headed down to Lake Forest for Christine's OhanaPraise
while waiting, crazy cousin pics at the religious compound (lov ya Roz)
My ex is still pretty. I've been very lucky with my relationships - attractiveness-wise.
Roz's first time at fuddruckers and BevMo
missed connections with anny and mark - feel better soon sweetie
missed connections with kim
left my paperwork with the tax man
saw beautiful hawk come down and take out a pigeon
singstar till dinner
noodle world - family style
yummy mango sticky rice
dancing and loud music till 4am at circus disco
blue haired hottie with multi colored hula
tifa looking hottie unfortunately with ugly bf. Verified by the 3min suckface at the end of the evening =(

sunday
cha for tea - terrific lunch special
honey almond black tea hot
test drive nissans, bmw, and toyota
juno
dexter Dvds at home
Knight Rider while stressing over stupid work problems.

mon
natural history museum - 344 style.
caravan and picto chat
hanging out with photo-phobic friend
dinner at downtown disney
sneaking into goofy's kitchen
peanut butter pizza
garland with 3 princesses, a chipmunk and chef goofy himself
Garland wish "Well, it already came true." (again =p)
fireworks in the parking lot
great time, great friends, great weekend.

Need to update on some posts. This had been sitting in waiting for a bit (Forgot about it).

Basically i got hit on while when i went to vote =p. Such a nice feeling and kept me going through the day.


Also took this test and was pretty darn accurate.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx


Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Jan 25-28

-Friday
stressed out at work by multiple stubborn people
ugly rain conditions and a forgotten homework assignment
great dinner with friends, catching up on things and people
deeper conversations over hot cocoa
passing by a house of many memories
eventually getting home.

-Saturday
breakfast with my aunt and cousin. Its the simple things of stuff french toast
unloading the garage of computers
attempting to deploy them to the school
shopping at Frys with Dad, ending it with Beers at a sports bar
passing by another home of memories
catching the Random Ninjas and Pizza in Long Beach
making new friends and taking a birthday shot of 3 wisemen gone hunting
over 5 hours of billards and karaoke in LA with another circle - fun fun fun
texts from the girl from new years
push starting the car in the pouring rain since the battery died
making it home safe and sound (and 4am)

-Sunday
waking up to go to the Ontario Home show (still raining)
falling in love with food preparation (mentally designing that new kitchen now)
getting ideas for the reconstruction
kristine is my new wife. My daughter Clara is married to my roommate Garland.
18 year old balsamic vinegar is yummy
splitting a baconator and chicken club for lunch
walking thru the town known as Ontario Mills Mall
picking up new basketball and driving shoes
arguing at Guess over their stupid policy
tired of walking halfway through the mall (how will i do the 10k)
trying out a new cafe at Garland's suggestion. Great service and food
late night shopping at Ralphs
creepy guy following us and getting me confrontational
heading home after a nice long eventful weekend.

-Mon
somewhat of a resolution to the work issue from friday
learning that training next week for the run won't be very beneficial =(
call from my college ex. Felt happy to know she could still confide in me.
talking with garland about life, relationships
mediocre workout at the gym
thoughts of summer bbqs and theme parties (can you believe a 90s party??)

Feeling positive out life and things to come. Looking forward to many more adventures, great or small. GO PATRIOTS for Sunday.

January Check up

Just came back from an eye exam. It was my first check up since my lasik about 6 years ago, and my eye sight is better than average 20/15. Sweeet deal but looking to get a nice pair of frames just for styling.

January has been good.

As you saw, the year starts great in Las Vegas. Garland and I had a great time just running the city and meeting/making new friends. Playing craps at hooters, pictures at the Vegas sign around midnight, meeting new friends and gambling till 4am - and that was all the first day. Got our fill of oysters and crab legs, as well as hitting all the outlets on the way home from vegas. We both got caught napping in the betting room floor while trying to kill the 64oz Fat Tuesday with 161 octane, but ringing in the new year amoungst 300,000 people was quite an experience.


Right after vegas we headed up to Big Bear to celebrate Mila's Birthday. The drive up there was crazy as we drove past fallen boulders in the middle of the road and could bearly see past the condensation on the windows. The weekend was great as we all just spent time at the house playing games, watching movies, poker, pool and playing in the snow. We didn't get to snowboard since due to hazardous conditions, but we did form a human pyramid and saw a 3 man piggy back ride. When we drove down on Sunday the snow fall made a beautiful layer on the cars, house and road.


I've seen the Murakami exhibit twice with various friends. Oddly, i think my favorite part of the exhibit was the LV store. The transforming S.M.P.ko² was really cool and i finally figured out who originated Lonesome cowboy. I may head back one more time before it ends to get a tour of the exhibit. I had seen the sunflower pillows so long ago and now understand why they were so expensive =/. In the realm of art though, i think i'm formulating a better idea of what i like and not like.


Also, as of Jan 13, I've officially become a Laker Fan - Thanks to Rico. This is surprising on how long i've been the anti-laker (yes..i was rooting for the celtics back in the showtime era). Oddly though i do remember doing the sky-hook while growing up, so guess i couldn't have been that bad. Anyways, I still have so much love for the sport and admiration for the unselfish players (LeBron, Wade, Snow) and respect for the against all odds of Iverson..and Shaq just because he's Shaq...but now i've just decided that I'm here in LA and a Laker fan is what i will be. Kobe is getting a bit more tolerable and Bynum is great (unfortunatly i was at the game he got injured). For better or for worse, a Laker is what i will be.


As far as the other sports, still sorta eh. If i had to classify, then Red Sox for baseball and Patriots fan for Football- Both thanks to my Boss. Sitting at Fenway was a moving experience. I think i was a Patriots fan before I started my job since my Dad has many ties to Massachusetts. Go Pats. Looking forward to the Super bowl. I'd say more but don't want to jinx anything.

In other news, I guess you can say it's dating, either way this month has included a lot of outings, getting to know new people and pondering possible relationships. Right now its just a matter of meeting different people and seeing what sparks my interest (maybe even re-evaluating some of my current circles). This past month has involved a lot of that. A future post will likely include what i've come up with so far. Plus it'd be something update my dating profile page or to post to craigslist =p.

A couple negatives for this month.
While doing my research, I learned that Carnival in Rio will start Feb 2 till 5. The unfortunate part of it is that with the vacation earlier this month, I won't try to push my luck and ask for another vacation so close. Guess Brazil will have to wait for another year. I'll have to find my Alessandra Ambrosio or Adriana Lima some other year.


I've been experiencing a bit of buyers remorse over the car. Its a great car. Drives very well, economical, environmentally sound, looks sporty and drives "efficiently". Thing is i don't feel excited about it. Its everything i was looking for, it was pretty much "me". Thing is..i don't want that to be me anymore. Regardless, with the rising gas prices, I'm still satisfied with my decision. What i'm really missing though is having the power of a stick shift =p.

On to other things, I realized i'm becoming more of a foodie. Been getting tired of local food places and focusing more on developing my own talents in the kitchen. I've expanded my cooking at work more and going to try experimenting with new combinations. With the house redesign I'm planning for an extensive kitchen to work in.

Cleaning out and organizing the garage. Found enough old clothes there to support a village of people. Getting rid of about 5 bags of clothes and hopefully a lot more.

Lastly, talking with a group of workers, decided to join the firecracker run. Its a 10k run through Chinatown, Elysian park, and around Dodger Stadium. Sorta training for it but figure much of time will be run/walking the course and taking pictures. If anythign it will be something i can list as accomplished this year.

Looking forward to a great new year!





Good Times, Good Friends, New Friends, Good Food, Great Beginnings.
Happy New Year to everyone.



pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever
- The Replacements

Happy Holidays Everyone.
Hoping this message finds you all well.

This year has been a bit rocky for me, but fortunately thanks to surrounding myself with the people that care about me...I find myself successful and loved.

This past year i tried a new haircut, adopted a pigmy elephant, tried the abs diet (sorta), successfully did the lemonade fast (loss 10lbs), repainted chairs, built room entertainment center, passed my motorcycle class, met my newest nephew, test driving events, ohana vegas/xmas, PMX, speed dating, xmas hike, seeing the kwik-e-mart, cruise, bought a car, gun range, night swimming, return of 344 halloween, went emo, USC tailgate and many other things.

I've always been very fortunate in the people I surround myself with. Been planning more events with my coworkers and still sharing the warmth of ohana at our events. This past year has been especially strong with 344. My roommates have been great for me and our newest members by extension (Rozelle and Kristine) have made my year.

So how does the outlook seem now...very promising. I'm meeting new people and reconnecting with dear friends as well. Each day, i just hope to take enough time to realize how beautiful things are and how lucky I am and have been.

So my quote for this year...
Carpe Diem is so overrated...so for right now...stop talking and just do it.

Long overdue pictures

Was testing with Flickr but running into the space and free account limitations. Comparing some of the others possibilities, decided best to use picasa.google for future stuff. Until later, here are some of my memories for the past few months.

344 Family Cruise
Catalina and Ensenada. Wine Tasting, mini-jeep driving, scuba diving (need to scan those pics still)

Halloween (Office parody, House Party, and Halloween Day)
tagged office and halloween day. Everything else is the house party. Yeah bounce house!

USC Tailgate
ray's flickr
todd's flickr
maria's flickr
Mary's pics
YouTube movies
$100 parking(i got dropped off), turkey burgers, jungle juice, pinata, good friends good times.

and still more to come...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson

feeling - Inspired
Looking for a better way to host my pics. Coming soon.

November is almost over and many things have passed. Got a lot of things accomplished (pics of the shelves/entertainment center and new couch coming up soon)...as well as pics from...shoot...everything (cruise, halloween, PMX, random events,etc). Even better is i scored a great price on this digicam i've been eyeing so likely more fun pics to come.

I did come across a couple articles that made me really wonder about the state of the world today.

No hugging at OC school
Parents torture child
Teacher arrested over teddy bear name

Pretty sad but i guess terrible things will always be around. I try to think of the positives and the good things i have in my life and going for me. Besides trying to just improve things for myself, been thinking about getting back into APO and doing some service projects. Even now i'm not in the "shopping" mood for xmas gifts since i feel many of my family/friends have already been so blessed with everything they could want, let alone need. Meals will be nice..just to reconnect. Oh well, the house has gotten sick and i'm still recovering. It was nice though that we've already set up the tree.

I think 5 may be a lucky number for me.
moved into my house 5/5
Birthday 5/14
Bought my first car 11/5 (yeah..you heard that right). I'm the proud owner of a 2008 Nissan Altima Hybrid.

so my numerology study puts me at 5+5+5 ..which actually makes my spiritual number 6.
Pretty dead on, since 5 actually seemed off

http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/numerology/path6.htm
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/num-lifepath.html#lp6

Much going on and hoping to catch a breath after PMX this weekend. Until then, here's some tests i recently took.
After this weekend, hoping to update with Halloween party pics, car pics, general family fun, and hopefully more improvements in my life.

BTW...Carnival in Feb if anyone is interested and maybe even Hong Kong next year? I may already have a couple people there.

Your Score: The Romantic Lover

77% partner focus, 61% aggressiveness, 45% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:
You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.


This places you in the Lover Style of: The Romantic Lover.


The Romantic Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is the hallmark of young love--the Romantic Lover often loves the idea of being in love, and being a wonderful lover, and so they try to bring their prospective partners every bit of joy or happiness that they can. They are the serenaders, and the ones to rent carriages in the park or take a gondola ride down a canal. The Romantic Lover is a treasure to find, though they sometimes are prone to being hurt if their advances are ignored or harshly rebuffed.
In terms of physical love, the Romantic Lover can seem shy, but usually it is simply a by-product of wanting to be perfect for their lover, and often needs some extra encouragement and re-assurance to truly feel at ease. Given a special, intimate evening, and the right lover, the Romantic Lover can be a delight in bed.


Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Classic Lover (most of all) or the Suave Lover, or the Exotic Lover.

Halloween in the MPK II

Halloween Party is this weekend then PMX in 2 weeks.

After that I will be able to focus more on things for myself (like assembling the furniture i bought, getting out/meeting new people, going after the motorcycle license, hitting the gym). I'll also be able to fill everyone in on what has been going on in the life of ray. Here's a quick snippet for you though. Completed the master cleanse for the full 10 days.
Start weight: 182 End weight: 174
Gained: New perspective and clarity.

Master Cleanse

I'm on day 3 of 10 for the master cleanse. It has definitely been a "purging" experience, but one that has helped me reevaluate many things going on in my life. I guess you can say i've been cleansing myself of a lot of things (career direction, relationship ideas, life goals).

I needed a change and i got it. The mentality, lifestyle, goals. Of course, its human nature that we'd revert back to our former selves, but there is nothing wrong in instituting change to better one's self. So these are the goals that i'll state for myself.

a) Less meat and more veggies. Plan on focusing towards a more vegetarian lifestyle.
b) Dressing more appropriate attire. Less casual and looking for a new style.
c) Shy away from the obligatory gift giving. Too often is it used as a gauge. Instead I'll offer time and a meal, to actually share my life with someone. Give when i want to.
d) Live a healthier lifestyle. Make time for working out and the gym.
e) Travel more. Looking to do at least 1 domestic, 1 international per year. (Travel buddies?...contact me).
f) Take in the beauty the world offers and realize it is all fleeting, so enjoy it when you can.
g) Embrace the love of those that care for you.
h) Call and visit friends more often.
i) Get back into community service.
j) Keep life interesting
k) Relax and beee yourself =p

*"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss*

l) Meet new people, learn new things.

On that note, clara and i will be at a dance-a-thon Oct 20. I'm there to learn but if you want to donate to the arts, here is my link. If you want to get 6 hours of dance instruction, then sign up and meet us there.

Dance-a-thon

Finding my path...walking alone....

""She [college girlfriend] was a hardcore realist. She called me on so much bull — about any romantic ideas that I had grown up with about life. It was my first year in college." Brad studied journalism at the University of Missouri at Columbia, hoping for a career as an art director in advertising.

She helped me more than anyone else as far as setting off in my own direction," he explains. "It was my first year in college and I was pushing back against the religion thing. In my eyes it was a mechanism of guilt, this engrained system, used to keep the flock in servitude." Brad was raised a conservative Southern Baptist. "Guilt is the thing I find most evil about it. It's the thing I rail against the most. She helped me in defining what I believed.

"Religion works," he goes on. "I know there's comfort there, a crash pad. It's something to explain the world and tell you there is something bigger than you, and it is going to be all right in the end. It works because it's comforting. I grew up believing in it, and it worked for me in whatever my little personal high school crisis was, but it didn't last for me. I didn't understand this idea of a God who says, 'You have to acknowledge me. You have to say that I'm the best, and then I'll give you eternal happiness. If you won't, then you don't get it!' It seemed to be about ego. I can't see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me.

-brad pitt
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=278545&mpc=2

more personal posts soon i promise. Just need to deal with things for myself first. Until then this can pretty much apply. Well..at least there is some humor to it.

I'm Back. Once i get some pictures from Rozelle, I'll update with how the vacation went and my new perspective on life. Until then, here is a cool article i found on MSN.

The Happiness Factor—Scientists know that positive people are happier, period. Tapping into your bright side is easier than you'd guess.
By Nancy Kalish, Prevention

Joie de vivre. We all know people whose engagement with life can only be described as joyful. Fittingly, nature rewards these happy-go-lucky types: Being optimistic in middle age increases life span by at least 7.5 years—even after accounting for age, gender, socioeconomic status, and physical health, according to a large Yale University survey. What's behind their hardiness: They minimize the destructive effects of stress.

"Of course, optimists get stressed," says David Snowdon, a professor of neurology at the University of Kentucky who studies aging. "But they automatically turn the response off much more quickly and return to a positive mental and physical state."

Here are four habits that longevity experts say are at the heart of a sunny disposition—and that you can adopt, too.

1. THEY WORK THEIR CELL PHONES

Perhaps your neighborhood gossip is on to something: All that chitchat keeps her plugged into a thriving social network—and people who socialize at least once a week are more likely to live longer, keep their brains sharp, and prevent heart attacks. One reason: "Just talking on the phone to a friend has the immediate effect of lowering your blood pressure and cortisol levels," says Teresa Seeman, PhD, a professor of medicine and epidemiology at UCLA.

"Our research shows that having good long-term relationships provides as many physical benefits as being active or a nonsmoker." Make the effort to connect with the friends you already have. Call now, and before you hang up, schedule a lunch date—personal contact is even better.

2. THEY EXPRESS GRATITUDE (WITHIN REASON)

Buoy your spirits by recording happy events on paper, your computer, or a PDA. People who write about all the things they are thankful for are optimistic about the upcoming week and more satisfied overall with their lives, according to a University of California, Davis, study. They also feel physically stronger.

"It's hard to be bitter and mad when you're feeling grateful," says Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, author of the upcoming book, "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want." But don't overdo it. Women who kept a gratitude journal only once a week got a bigger boost in happiness than those asked to record their good fortune three times a week. Find the frequency that works for you - giving thanks shouldn't feel like a chore.

3. THEY'RE RANDOMLY KIND

Do you perform five acts of kindness in any given day? That's the number of good deeds that boosts your sense of well-being and happiness, according to research by Lyubomirsky. Your karmic acts can be minor and unplanned - giving up your seat on the bus; buying an extra latte to give to a coworker. You'll find that the payback greatly exceeds the effort. "You see how much you're appreciated and liked by others," she says. Be sure to keep up the good work: When Lyubomirsky asked her study subjects to space their five good deeds over the course of a week, the actions started to seem routine and lost some of their therapeutic effects. But don't fret if you can't make the quota daily. "Being spontaneously kind also delivers rewards," she says.

4. THEY REAPPRAISE THEIR LIVES

Yes, you can rewrite history—and feel better about yourself in the bargain. Set aside a little time each week to write about or record—or even just mentally revisit—an important event in your past. Reflecting on the experience can reshape your perception of it, as well as your expectations for the future, says Robert N. Butler, MD, president of the International Longevity Center-USA in New York City. When creating this "life review," you get to list all your accomplishments—an instant self-esteem booster. Organize your historical review by epochs: your postcollege years, early marriage, career, motherhood. Subdivide each section into triumphs, missteps, and lessons for the future.

It's helpful to look at the bad times as well as the good. Perhaps now that a few years have passed, you'll be able to see how that breakup or failed job opportunity opened other doors and finally forgive yourself—and your ex-boyfriend or would-be boss. "Even if a memory is painful, it's good to work through it," says Butler. "If you can come to terms with past events, you'll be better able to handle tough times down the road." So be honest, but also go easy on yourself. Remember: You are the heroine in this tale.

The Best Kind of Pessimist

If you're an irritable sort who thinks of your eternally cheery neighbor as a delusional Pollyanna, are you doomed to poor health? Not if you're an active pessimist, a feisty spirit who loves to complain, criticize, and generally mix it up with others—but then takes action. "Active pessimists do battle with life. Being that engaged is actually good for them and can provide some of the same benefits that optimists enjoy," says Toni Antonucci, PhD, director of the Life Course Development Program of the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan.

Passive pessimists, on the other hand, feel paralyzed by gloom, have given up on themselves and life, and will likely live fewer years because of their bummer attitude.

John Wooden's Seven Point Creed, given to him by his father Joshua upon his graduation from grammar school:

* Be true to yourself.
* Make each day your masterpiece.
* Help others.
* Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
* Make friendship a fine art.
* Build a shelter against a rainy day.
* Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.

Quotes

* "Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming."
* "Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."
* "Sports don't build character, they reveal it."
* "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail."
* "Don't mistake activity for achievement."
* "The worst things you can do for the ones you love are things they could and should do for themselves."
* "Little things make big things happen."
* "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
* "When everyone is thinking the same, no one is thinking."

-Wiki on John Wooden.

"Rockstar"

I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar




Looking forward to my vacation next week. I couldn't have come at a better time.

completion versus closure


This photo i found on the internet puts into words many of the feelings i've been going thru the past month or so. A path in the clearing, open but with a future unknown. The sky, dark and cloudy above, but clear and beautiful ahead.

My topic today, completion and closure.
In the past few months since my romantic relationship with Karen ended, i've looked internally and wanted to just improve myself. What was i doing with my life and was i happy living it? (no..i wasn't contemplating suicide, more so just not being a bum wasting my life away). Karen was and still is an important part of my life, but now i had to focus on what i wanted to do for myself, on my own.

The first few months were great. I made a list and systematically accomplished the things i wanted to. Motorcycle class, gun range, kayaking, etc. I felt good. In that time frame I even met someone new in the Philippines (dolly) who for what i thought was everything i would want. We shared the same values wanted the same things for the future. I was caught up in all the possibilities then had to stop myself. I tried to hold back in the beginning but finally reality just set in. It was never anything with Dolly, more over it was about where i was in life.

I needed completion. That same month I stressed for 4 days, looking to pick up my new car and was not able to do so. I called multiple dealers trying to broker the deal, but no avail. I had completed repainting four of the six kitchen chairs and was stuck since i could not remove the seat from the last one. My dreams of improving my home were shot down when the architect basically blew past my ideas and told me i could only add about 600 of my goaled 1600. My room was a mess, my car felt weak, and my weeds were getting overgrown again. Nothing was happening and nothing was getting done. I wasn't sure what i wanted or what to do anymore.

I needed less stress. All of the above listed and even the great chats I would have with Dolly started to stress as my realization that the dreams we were talking about may not happen. I found myself waiting again and seeking some sort of resolution or reality. As much as I may care about her, I've known from my own experiences that love alone does not make a relationship successful. I wasn't even sure where we were at because i was so caught up in the idea of "us" (something i was hoping that she wouldn't fall into as well). I just wanted to slow down, but she perceived it as a change of heart. She also could not get past the idea of Karen and I getting back together....

That is where the topic of closure comes up. I don't believe in a "closure" like most people understand it. When i love, i love completely. Just because we aren't "together" does not make me love someone any less or downplay the emotions and experiences we shared. I could use "completion" to the relationship we had, but i don't really feel any sense of closure or finality. I feel this way about my exes as well as other people in my life. I don't "lose" friends (even ones that i don't care for or hate me), i just lose touch with them. It leaves and open door for us to revisit it later.

So where am i now. I'm taking control of my life again and doing things, completing things.

a) bought some garden tools and setting myself up to clean up the yard in the evening.
b) recut new seats and getting more paint for the kitchen chairs.
c) scheduled to order new car as soon as the 2008s come in stock
d) picked up my new sewing machine and going to schedule class with Brenda
e) meeting with architect to review proposed changes
f) going to use this opportunity to fix the plumbing, electrical and install central air.
g) planning another Halloween party. It will be hard to surpass 2005, but i could sure use the party regardless.
h) Study for the Class M exam.
i) Just getting out more and living life

Through this all, I have to thank so many people that have been supportive and just listening to me through this stressful time. I can't thank enough the cruise crew (Rozelle, Kristine, Garland) as we've been getting out and just doing things without drama. TGI Mondays with Brenda and Alfred gave me the realization that my life does not need stress, i just needed to find ways to enjoy it more. Thanks to jerry, got my new cell phone up and running as well as being my support through much of my ramblings.

I see my path in life again. Its not defined, but is still my adventure to experience. Now to go on living it.



No one has the right to make you feel unhappy. If they do, I'll kill them
-Ilan (miss you sharmuta)

hey, hey, I wanna be a Rockstar



Feeling good like a rockstar! Past few months have been going very well for me. Heard this song this morning and felt it was more than appropriate (and great video too)

a) The whiskey with Random Ninjas has turned more of my family into fans. Rozelle got a bday shout out.
b) Vegas was great. Watched Phantom, visited Madame Tussauds's wax museum, played craps with Vanilla Ice, breakfast at Red Rock and overall just a good time.
c) Rozelle's bday bbq - Made some new friends and reminisced with old ones. Nice to relax and not really have a care in the world (least for a nite..then later on with night swimming).
d) Motorcycle class - I have finally completed the behind the "handle-bar" portion of the class M license. It was a lot of fun the first day and nerve racking the final day. Fortunately i scored well on the first parts of my test since i blew the last part. Anyways, another thing off my list. Possibly gonna look to take the actual written exam after the certificate comes in. Not seriously considering getting a bike unless i see a great deal and can afford it with all my upcoming expenses.
e) Nightly chats with Dolly - I met someone in the Philippines and have really connected with her even if mostly thru chat sessions. Terrific girl and now she's planning on coming to the USA around Dec/Jan. Looking forward to meeting her in person.
f) Talking with Karen and feeling better and more comfortable with where we are at. She continues to be a beautiful woman and part of my life. She's extended her East coast trip with a visit to New York, but will be back later in the week.
g) Meeting with an architect on 8/21 to talk about plans for the house. Pretty exciting after seeing how well he planned out my aunt's house.
h) Won $5 at the Ohana Poker nite. My dealer choice game was WAR =p.
i) Started the Abs Diet today.
j) Taste of Lexus this Sat

well..sounds like a lot... but oh yeah =p
I'm getting myself a new car before the end of this month (if all goes well). My great honda civic has lasted me about 15 years, with experiences ranging from high school, college, APO convention trips all thru California and Arizona, and countless other events. It actually still runs great at 273k miles on the original engine, but now it deserves a rest =).

I'll be moving to a Nissan Altima Hybrid since I'm feeling green and wanting to help the environment as well as cutting gasoline costs.

Yeah me!

-upcoming event-
8/25 - Taste of Lexus
9/1 - Religious Conference in anaheim
9/24-28 - Cruise with the Vegas crew.