Broken Hearts

I have lived my life…trying not to hurt anyone…and in turn did my best not to be hurt by anyone. It seems like an ideal situation…but highly unlikely. We all get hurt sometimes…and at times it can hurt a lot.

I was of the mentality that my first relationship would be my last, but that is not always possible. Sometimes we might actually get that lucky...but most of the time we aren’t that fortunate. The idea of meeting the girl of your dreams and not having to worry about anything else was how I imagined my future. To be a family man, there to provide support and stability. The Prince Charming with his white horse, there to sweep someone off her feet and take care of her forever. I guess that belief of support and stability has permeated all my relationships…romantic or friendly. The “rock” who people can turn to in times of need. The person there to ease your pain.

I guess that could be why I never really learned how to date. I meet great people all the time, but I have been very selective on who I show myself…or reveal too much. Especially when it came to romantic relationships, I was extremely careful and extremely selective (note: spark from previous post). Being a confidant to many people due to break-ups, I hated to think that I may do that to someone. So many times, I may notice or feel people may actually like me…but I pretend to ignore it unless I could reciprocate the feelings. Call me rude...maybe I am…but ignorance can be bliss at times. I would hate for someone to feel that I was just leading her on…if I didn’t have any serious intentions with her. Especially after seeing people shattered by relationships… I’d rather be thought of as stupid than a heart breaker. I guess that is also failing on my part as well, as it prevents me from really trying to get to know someone else.

But now I’ve come to believe that it could be good to have your heart broken. That sucks to hear…but many things happen with that understanding. There is no great pleasure without great pain. For anything to be of value it…there has to be a risk. If not, it just wouldn’t be worth the effort. In each attempt at relationships…you learn more about yourself, what you want in life…as well as what you never truly appreciated about someone else. I won’t lie…it can hurt…and it will hurt really badly. Just take and learn from it …be thankful you have family/friends (mantha, buca, countless others) there for you no matter what. Just remember in the end…that even thru all the pain it takes to get there…love is worth it.
-excelsior-