HOT DAMN

Aiight...here is my recap on the weekend of fun in SD. It was great to go see the Buca crew again (missing one...really missing that one person...but we understand). I took off from Anaheim to drive down to SD that Friday night so that I could have more time to hang out with everyone, plus drinking up that night and not having to worry about driving. Sadly the only thing I had to eat was a crappy slice of mushroom pizza. ( Since teaching nights...I tend not to eat dinner anymore. Just not enough time...but this mushroom thing will come up again later...and not in a good way). I made it down to Grace's place and started to chill. They (justin and grace) had just come back from dinner and I was hella hungry (hella hanging out with norcal peeps too much.). We decided to head out to TGIF to get started and grab something to eat (thanks grace for the sandwich). The appetizers were cool...nothing can top the JD Wings. and for some reason the Purple Hooter was hella strong. So we had a couple of drinks there..(not enough food in me still)…and headed back for the apartment festivities.

Now justin went thru and bought some stuff. included there was this ghetto ass HOT DAMN. Now I used to drink HOT DAMN before..mainly cuz of its cinamon flavor. It is weak stuff …only 20% or so...but we just tore that thing up. Decided to take shots for every sexual reference in Robin Hood Men in Tights. Oh man...We made it to the ...shoot...I don't even remember...before I decide to "sleep" on the couch. We finished the bottle...and it basically finished me. Really...I'm not weaksauce like that. I blame it on the lack of food and working all day. (ray getting defensive...ready for the next challenge). But it seems I'm not the only one who was messed up after that HOT DAMN.

So we spent most of Sat hungover. Oh man...it sucked. Now honestly...if it comes to trying to prove yourself as the shitnit and going all day with alcohol in your stomach or "relieving" yourself actually feeling better all day...I suggest the latter. Eating lunch at Hooters is not the same when you feel like shit. Even when the waitress is ALL UP IN YOUR FACE to ask you what your order is. So the three of us were really lagging all day long. We didn't get better till later that evening. Then we hit the family fun center, specifically the batting cages. I still have a bit of my swing...so it was cool. After that tried to stay up to watch the movie...but ended up heading home that night because of work the next day. sucks... so...the moral of this story. Eat before you drink...and do whatever make you happy. ^_^

Ok...I'm now halfway thru this night job. Counting down the days...till May 16. I'm actually pretty happy about things right now. Anaheim almost done...End of June before the CSULA gig ends...but I may be able to pass some of that to my partner. I really want to get my life back. I've basically settled that I want to live in OC.

That position in El Segundo didn't come through and I'm actually kinda glad it didn't. I don't think I really want to fight thru that traffic every day again. I just interviewed at UCI...and things look promising. The only thing is it may not open till July...and I'll still have to go through a rigorous interview process. Then again...it is a government job...so security is really good. Pretty laid back...maybe too much...but I can see it as a definite opportunity. Also my homies Al, Bryan, and Jacob came thru for me and got me a possible opening at a networking company. I just have to drop a name, but I'd like to met that person first...before referring to him. Its nice to know that when you are nice and care about people...they do the same in return.

So know its a question of what to do? i'm gonna put my hat in for the UCI deal for sure...and planning on throwing my hat for the networking job too. I would just hate to leave the networking job if the UCI one comes thru. Either way its nice to know I have options...especially when I just found out another friend was recently laid off. =(

i do miss the fact that I'm missing apo events cuz of this night class. Right now missing UCI lil sib revealing. I hear they are a really good group of pledges...hopefully I'll get to meet them soon. Not hearing anything from the other chapters. Gonna try to visit them all again after this night job is done.

Still alive..just hanging on. I'm on week three of this morning and evening ordeal. Still surviving..but looking forward to when it will end. May 16...then the night class ends. I don't forsee myself teaching at Anaheim any longer after this or nights in general.

The interview I scheduled with UCI was moved to Monday next week. I was a bit upset when they cancelled the same day...but then again...what can I do. They seem to be running on their own schedule and not realizing how pressed for a new job I am. My opportunity with Infonet seems to have fallen through..but I wasn't too interested in trekking out to El Segundo anyways. i'll just keep sending those resumes out...and we'll see what happens.

Still busy weekends...but I'm clear for June 2 to go to Davis to see my sister make her State of the Chapter speech. I called my friend to find out if he would be available to cover...to find out that he had just recently been laid-off. Sucks to hear...but he was ok about it. Made me appreciate where I am a bit more. I wish he had told me earlier..so I could schedule him to cover me this Sun..since I'm heading down to SD this weekend to kick it with the Buca crew. You know..ever since that sectionals weekend...we've become really close friends. (fast-friends - APO reference..haha). So Sat will definately be fun. I'll see if I can get my friend to cover for this sunday too....but don't hold your breath.

Broken Hearts

I have lived my life…trying not to hurt anyone…and in turn did my best not to be hurt by anyone. It seems like an ideal situation…but highly unlikely. We all get hurt sometimes…and at times it can hurt a lot.

I was of the mentality that my first relationship would be my last, but that is not always possible. Sometimes we might actually get that lucky...but most of the time we aren’t that fortunate. The idea of meeting the girl of your dreams and not having to worry about anything else was how I imagined my future. To be a family man, there to provide support and stability. The Prince Charming with his white horse, there to sweep someone off her feet and take care of her forever. I guess that belief of support and stability has permeated all my relationships…romantic or friendly. The “rock” who people can turn to in times of need. The person there to ease your pain.

I guess that could be why I never really learned how to date. I meet great people all the time, but I have been very selective on who I show myself…or reveal too much. Especially when it came to romantic relationships, I was extremely careful and extremely selective (note: spark from previous post). Being a confidant to many people due to break-ups, I hated to think that I may do that to someone. So many times, I may notice or feel people may actually like me…but I pretend to ignore it unless I could reciprocate the feelings. Call me rude...maybe I am…but ignorance can be bliss at times. I would hate for someone to feel that I was just leading her on…if I didn’t have any serious intentions with her. Especially after seeing people shattered by relationships… I’d rather be thought of as stupid than a heart breaker. I guess that is also failing on my part as well, as it prevents me from really trying to get to know someone else.

But now I’ve come to believe that it could be good to have your heart broken. That sucks to hear…but many things happen with that understanding. There is no great pleasure without great pain. For anything to be of value it…there has to be a risk. If not, it just wouldn’t be worth the effort. In each attempt at relationships…you learn more about yourself, what you want in life…as well as what you never truly appreciated about someone else. I won’t lie…it can hurt…and it will hurt really badly. Just take and learn from it …be thankful you have family/friends (mantha, buca, countless others) there for you no matter what. Just remember in the end…that even thru all the pain it takes to get there…love is worth it.
-excelsior-

you know…it always has to come back to relationships. I'd have to say when you think about the important things in life...personal relationships has to be really high up there. Whether it be family or romantic...in order for us to survive with any sort of sanity...we must have human contact.

My romantic escapades pretty much stopped after my break up. Sadly that happened back in '97. It had always been really hard to put myself out there for anyone. I have always been a continuous support to all my friends...but I never really opened up my heart to anyone else. I didn't feel alone. I had my friends around me...but just not that "special someone".

I can't really describe who or when this "person" will enter my life. Sadly I'm a die-hard romantic…caught up in the movie version of finding that someone...and just knowing then and there...that this was the one. I can't believe that after watching all those movies and listening to all those love songs...that there isn't someone out there just to make my heart melt. She has to possess that certain something that certain spark. Remember Jerry Maguire and the kwan. It wasn't about the money...it was something more than that..."It was Rod Tidwell talking about "the Kwan"-his own personal coinage for the combination of love, respect, and money. " Well...the spark is something like that to me. It isn't just about physical beauty, or society's view of it. It has to be all encompassing. The beauty inside. Compassionate, warm, caring...understanding, sympathetic...the type of girl to cry at movies and maybe even some commercials. Creative, intelligent, and willing to stand her ground. somebody. Someone willing to laugh at herself. Someone looking forward to a family. I had always foreseen myself having a family life like the Cosby Show or Home Improvement. Parents that actually interacted with their kids and all in a fun atmosphere. Those are the important things in life. Family and friends…not money or possessions. Am I asking too much?…maybe…but I think I deserve to be.

Well...I've been living in my protected shell for quite some time now. Had particular interest in some girls...those showing potential sparks...but never really followed through or pursued them. I have to give a lot of props to Steve for getting out there into the dating scene and taking chances. I haven't gained enough courage to put my heart out there. Right now…we’ll just have to see what happens.

Oh yeah...if this post wasn't long enough...here's my results of that quiz. They are pretty dead on.

Your view on yourself
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girl/boyfriend you are looking for.
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship.
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love.
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you.
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important; find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success?
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Do not give up when you have not even started yet! Be courageous!

What are you most afraid of?
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self?
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart, rather than your head, needs to solve.

Oh man..I am soo tired. =(. Teaching in Anaheim is ok...students are cool... But I don't think I can do this double shift stuff anymore. I'm done with the material..and I have to sit here and just stare blankly..trying to keep busy. I am actually thinking of taking 6 weeks off of work..to get things together..take a couple classes in java and XML.

I also had an interview today with Infonet. It went ok..but I'm not really counting on it. Funked up on the OSI layer question..and I'm claiming to be a network engineer. Hey I understand it all...but I don't remember all the names. Argg... we'll see next week.

I did get a call today from UCI also. I'll call them back tomorrow to figure out what opportunities they have available. Trying to get ahold of my friend Drew about another opportunity...but can't reach him.

Tired..just tired. -_-

ok...got the archives working...still need to focus on setting up that server. working day and nights sucks.
otherwise things are good. working on a couple posts to come up soon.

Stupid Blogspot..thought it ate the last blogs. Glad it all got through now.
BTW...got cingular now. So anyone that had my old number..its been changed. I'll call you.

Ok...I think that this past weekend deserved its own post. So we get started with Friday night. I get a call from Biggwould to come kick it before the UCI chartering ceremony. He just got his tat (nice one) and was chiln with Grace and John from Rho Pi. I head on over to pick them up and we roll down to Buca Di Beppo. Now if you've never been there before...its definitely an experience. For the 4 of us...a regular serving of Spaghetti and Meatball (according to John - not the size of a softball as described) and Spumoni Ice Cream was enough. Of course the unknown girl that hid under the table next to us made for interesting entertainment...but we still don't really understand what she was doing. Otherwise it was cool just chiln.

We headed out to the hotel (hums the theme to Back to the Hotel - N2Deep)...nah...really to go to the Chartering ceremony. A lil drama going on…but thatz typical APO. My a$$ got the look of death when I clapped at a part when everyone was told not to. Otherwise it was all good. I am really proud of their achievements. So after that…the Buca crew and I were feeling kinda "thirsty"..so we made a run to TGI Fridays. We hit up the Bar and that is where we inducted Emperor John. It was 12:20 so we figured we get started right. Drinks and shots... whatever we could get on the table. I think it was the Shoot the Root when John rose to his emperor status. Everything was cool...Iota Phi came in... My brother wanted to take a shot with me (You still owe me...I may have been buzzed...but I know I didn't take one with you...or did I)..so things were chill..till they cut us off at 1:00am. SUCKS. Well...2 Toyko Tea, shot of goldschlaugher and a shoot the root in about 15 min got me pretty "relaxed". John was another story (haha...). after getting cut off...we proceeded to order some appetizers and chill with everyone.

Woke up on Saturday and went to the conference. Most of the night was spent making gifts for the chartering members. Special thanks to Grace for making/saving that Scooter cup ^_^. The conference was cool. I had a workshop on resume writing. I think it went off well...didn't really have anything prepared. Then again they did put me first thing in the morning. Chilled at throughout the conference. Eventually decided to go off and make a run to South Coast mall so Leah and Cheesy could do some shopping. Prepped for the night…and headed out to banquet. Banquet was cool. The only thing was throughout the evening...I had this sense of nervousness. I usually am pretty comfortable in front of people…and making speeches…but I was working on lack of sleep. But it wasn't just that. I was walking around all nervous…realizing that I was making the keynote speech. So I was formulating all the thoughts in my head...thinking about what I would say and stuff.. and then I got emotional. A lil too emotional. Called out my sis...(thanks mantha)..and just was overwhelmed. It wasn't sadness now...nothing like that. I wasn't nervousness either. It was like a parent would feel when their kids grow up. Sure I knew I'd see them the next day...but still...it was all over. Eyes red…puffy. No good. So after I composed myself a bit...I walked in and got ready. Anita started giving out awards to the sponsor...and I looked at Biggwould and said...I hope I wouldn’t bust into tears up there. Hey I’m human…its just not very manly ^_^. I am really happy with the Rho Rho chapter and really appreciate the gifts that they gave. Not even about the gifts (which I will always cherish)...I was happier that we were all together and got our charter. We proceeded through the night…and had fun the rest of the evening. There were a couple times when I needed to take a walk…but I'm saving that for the next post. (damn...I write like frickn novels.) Overall...it was a fun weekend.

Whatz up? yeah...still alive...well sorta. Just made it through a couple intense weeks...in more ways than one.

Let me begin with the first week of April. Being that I was about to begin my new schedule teaching morning and nights...I decided to visit all my chapters in APO (since I'm the sectional chair for southern cali). Monday night I was at USC for their meeting…and ended the night with UCLA publicizing/spamming for their RUSH events. Tues night was spent at UCI helping prep and stuff for the conference and banquet. Wed night was with UCR at their RUSH info night. Thurs was with UCLA for Broomball (hella tight!). Friday was running around for UCI's Chartering ceremony (congratulations Rho Rho). Saturday was the conference and banquet…which lasted all day but was well worth it. Lastly Sunday (trying to recover from lack of sleep and hour loss) work 7 hours and make it to UCSD for their activation. whew...and you think thatz it? Then I started teaching morning and night.

And you wonder why I do it? Mainly its for the great people, everyone I meet, and seeing friends. I realized how much I missed recruiting/RUSH and learning more about people. It was cool.

breathe…sigh...ok...end this post...start a new one. ^_^

Also...
Enida...Happy Belated Birthday...you can beat me up later. =/ Sorry sweetie. I'll make it up to you

Started playing with Dreamweaver (Will Help please!)...so a new redesign is in the works...so hopefully I can introduce that when I redo the server. Maybe the comment system too. Happy Easter again.

Ok...so tomorrow is Easter. Itz gotten me thinking about stuff. I remember when I was younger… how I always looked forward to this season. Mainly because I love Holy Saturday Mass. This was the coolest mass because the priest would come in with one candle into a darkened church. As he processed in… he would start lighting candles of parishioners. Soon the whole church would be lit up in candlelight. Then the mass would begin. Of course as a lil kid and an alter boy…I would serve the Holy Thursday Mass with the washing of the feet, Holy Friday Stations of the Cross, and end with the Holy Saturday Mass.

So where am I now? Without going too much into my perspective on Religion…I find myself sleeping in on Sundays…not going to mass. Eating meat on Fridays during Lent ( I was even called a devil (jokingly) since I was convincing someone to eat meat too.) I’ve become that closet Catholic that I always looked down on as a child. Why only come to church on Easter and Christmas…what about all the other days?

Well… let me tell you my side of it now. I was definitely a route Catholic. My mother was pretty strict in her upbringing about her faith. I went to Catholic school most of my life…and when there was no Catholic school…I went to a Lutheran one. Mom felt that the only good education was a religious one. I guess she could be right about that one… I still feel moral in my perspective…and feel I “turned out” pretty well. Throughout Catholic elementary and Catholic High School (all boy too – sucks… but sadly that was my choice…stupid classmates/friends), I was at home….so Sunday church was a natural part of life. I may not have wanted to…but I always went. Usually to sleep (in elementary) but after I became an alter boy… I started paying attention. I do still feel a strong connection to Catholic teachings (wow… I even had problems writing that statement)…but maybe not to GOD as much as I did anymore. Well once I got to college… things started to change. I still made it to church…it was something my gf and I made sure we did. But slowly things started to change. We went to church at the Newman Center at UCR… and every year they changed out the priests. That was the kicker ladies and gentlemen. I pinpointed where I lost it.

For me church is about community. So changing the priest… and coming home to St. Bernard’s Parish… and not even recognizing the priests anymore…I lost my sense of community. How could I be in a community of believers when I didn’t even know anyone? I still believe and God, Jesus, and everything… but I talk to them in my own way. I have my own perspectives on religion and feel that living a moral and just life is my best gift of thanks for the life that has been given to me. I don’t believe that when judgment day comes… my diet (eating meat) will come into question (c/o Chris Rock). I hope that my actions on a day to day basis shows the creator that I have lived a good life… and that I thank him/her for it. Sadly though… my nightly prayers have been replaced by passed out exhaustion. My Sunday mornings are used to sleep in, instead of creating a new community with the parish. I go to mass for people (my sister, my cousin) but not for myself. The last time I was moved by the faith…I was watching Robert Schuller from the Crystal Cathedral. Oh well…Happy Easter everyone.

PS...to get my perspective on religion...watch Dogma and the one episode of Different Strokes when Arnold is “trying” out different religions.

Nice! So everything works now...except for the archives right now. The redirects are in place...and that gives me more time to finish up that server. In the meantime...I can tell you what has happen recently.

CEI-College- Ok…for anyone that has misunderstood…I'm not jobless right now...I'm just actively looking for new opportunities. I am still working for CEI in Lake Forest...but am really looking to get back into the field of networking. Only thing is I am working only part-time...and therefore only getting part-time dough. So recently, my supervisor tells me that there is an opening for a Microsoft instructor at the Anaheim location. Now this is dope since Anaheim is only 15min away from my house. The only killer thing is that the position is at night...when I usually do my APO stuff. Teaching night sucks usually...since it kills any social life...but I figure this is a sacrifice I have to make...to hopefully get full time at Anaheim. So starting April 8...I'll be on lock down...Mornings in Lake Forest (8-1pm)...and Nights at Anaheim (6-11pm). Hopefully it will all work out.

HIGHLANDS- So this Friday I went out to a club in LA. Now this wasn't just any ordinary club…but the Highlands in Hollywood. This club is right next door to the famed red carpet and Kodak Theatre. So Friday night was set up as the OSCAR party...supposedly going to be packed with Stars and stuff. So I go down there with my cousin, her coworker, and my coworker. Now the only star I see is the mom from Family Matters...but the Fashion show was dope. So many hotties there, especially in the fashion show. I got some pics…so you’ll just have to wait to see. (plus they came out a bit blurry). I wasn't really looking throughout the night…but my friend tells me she saw the man himself...Mr. Hugh Hefner. We had a fun time anyways...and it was just great. Spent most of the night clowning on this one fool...lets call him Rapper D…who thought he was the shitznit. Biting lines off songs and walking in with a crew... I still don't know if he was anyone famous. But I was soo funked up at the end anyway...it really didn't matter. ^_-

UCI CHARTER Well congratulations are in order for the UCI group of Alpha Phi Omega. Its been a cool two years with these members...and now it has all come to fruition. Recently the review committee approved the application for UCI - Rho Rho's recharter. We are simply waiting the National Board of Directors approval, but UCI is pretty set to get their charter. I've taken a particular interest in this group since I have been with them since the beginning. They are a great group...and have done quite a lot. I'm especially proud of these future brothers. So on April 5, we will be holding the chartering ceremony. I've been asked to make the keynote speech...so now I have to think of something...but it won't be too hard. ^_^

Hum...well..setting up that server isn't that easy. Still learning some of the configurations and such. I was debating on 100megsfree.com or digitalrice.com...to temporarily host Behind the Smile..

So rather than keep changing the URL..I'm going to run on Blogspot...until I set up that server. PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE any of your links right now. I'm adjusting the redirect to link here at blogspot...and I'll let you know as soon as the new server is up. Until then the redirect should lead you there...if not click on this link ^_^

Took out the reblogger script...tired of seeing those errors. Going to add a comment system later...may add the same one as milly, sam and christina. Also added biggwould to the link list. Haven't seen Diana update in a while...so I will add her and others when I do the redesign. Really need to learn more HTML.

Status on the Server: Its basically built. AMD 400. RAM: Need to get a 128 stick. HDD: OS 6GB, Storage 2x 7.5GB. I'm gonna run a couple webpages off it. Primarily for the school. Mandrake 7.0.2 running Apache. Now I just need to test it before going live. (crossed fingers...lets see if I can get this done before Geocities stops my blogging...cutting it close 4-1-02)

Any suggestions or recommendations from anyone else who is doing this...email me please. Thanks.

Hey...things are looking good now. Although I started sending my resumes out again, on Wednesday I decided to walk around my local area...and simply drop off my resume at the offices. Cerritos is in a great area, near major freeways and quite a number of corporations…so the potential was good. I had a pretty warm reception at Delta Dental and EDS...which is walking distance from my house. Itz just a matter of time (I hope).

The cool thing is I got this email from a website I signed up for long time ago. Ok…Ok…I’ll admit it. I’m a geek. Especially when it comes to computer… itz a title I can live with….especially if it means a FREE CRUISE.

On 3/22/02 at 1:16 AM, (Ray Warriner) wrote:
> I would like to know more about which cruise I have qualified for.
I probably could get you on .NET Nirvana, too ...
.......................
Neil R. Bauman, Captain & CEO
Geek Cruises (www.GeekCruises.com)
A Division of Int'l. Technology Conferences, Inc.
1430 Parkinson Avenue, Palo Alto, CA 94301

First I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to reply…figured it may be spam in my account…as usual. But boy… this is looking a lot better. ^_^
Now I have to decide which one to choose. I think I’d go with the .Net or Linux…both of them are in the Caribbean. Hee hee

I wanted to set up the comment system and get people's opinion on this...but I'll wait till I create the new server. In the meantime...if you want to give me a suggestion...mail me at ray_misc@hotmail.com.

Every week I see her...I just think of her more and more...but this week Kristin Kreuk shot up to number one on the wife's list after tonite's episode of Smallville. WOW..when good girls go bad. Now for us to just meet....

Really good episode for all the actors. I loved how Jonathan Kent was playing the Dukes of Hazzard theme song before he was run off the road....classic.

Oh yeah...Who the master!! (sho nuff). So today I got that apache server working..Virtual hosting and all. So ray's website will be coming up soon. Actually..gotta test FTP configurations before going live. I also have to get Verizon to move the DSL line.

I've also officially decided to make the major life change. I started sending out resumes to everywhere.hawaii, texas, virginia, ny, new jersey...who knows. Whatever comes up first. Cali is my life..but I figure a job in Hawaii for a year couldn't hurt too much. ^_^

What is it about Age?

I was sitting online yesterday chatting with a college friend and we were just catching up. Talking about anything and everything, we eventually get to the topic of relationships. We were talking about where we meet people, and she made me realize that since the bulk of my activities involve APO...I tend to hang around college students the most.

(personal monologue)Now personally...age is nothing but a number to me. While growing up, I always favored my older cousins that would always spend time and play games with us...even though we were sometimes a decade apart in age. For me, I always remain true to myself and stay young at heart. Sometimes I even forget my age. It really bugs me at times when people make an issue of it. I look more at maturity and how one handles themselves.(/personal monologue)

So my friend Kathy comes down from Stockton for her spring break tour. Disneyland is one of her stops, so that give me the opportunity to see her again. Since she’s APO...we decide it would be cool to get the UCI members to come out…to hang out. So we decided to go to Downtown Disney. It was when that changed to Dave and Busters that I realized that just about everyone in UCI petitioning group is under 21. I’d have to say I have been spending most of my time with the UCI group...but I didn’t even realize that some of the people I have been hanging out with the most…were under 21. Again… it didn’t make a difference to me…but I just didn’t realize it.

Fast forward to the next day…at my work’s graduation ceremony. There I get comments that I look too young to be an Instructor and usually get mistaken as one of the students who are graduating that day.

So I don’t know… Just being me…no matter how old I am.