Well...i ditched working out yesterday...i think for a good reason.
Saw the matrix revolutions at midnite last nite with a group of friends...
It was a good wrap up to the whole series...but i still think the first one was the best.
Got my MP3 player from Ed...so loving that...which brings me to my next post.

i don't want to close my eyes anymore.
As i mentioned previously...music does a lot for me. i think its because of i can feel the emotional connection to it. Music you can't really fake. I just don't know if its been hurting me though. =/

i know i'm a romantic....and when i hear love songs...i get filled with this whole idea/feeling of what love is. When i sing..its all of me...i get really involved...esp if its a love song (more like singing in the car...as opposed to singing in the shower). I can only assume that is what love feels like...and why i find myself in constant pursuit of it.
To me its magical...special...meaningful...and everything. I've created this huge image...of what love is...and lately just question whether this pursuit is as pointless as chasing unicorns.

fortunately/unfortunately...I'm a believer. I need only look at the recent marriage of my friend Bryan and Angela*, to re-affirm my belief that true love is possible. It was actually there that I started singing "freely" again. I was dancing with a friend, when a slow song from selena came on...and i found myself singing to the person. Now this (singing to someone) is typically reserved to people i am comfortable with or genuinely interested in...and in this case...i wasn't particularly interested in this person either...so instead...i found myself singing with my eyes closed. That tends to happen...when i feel i want to let free this emotion...but no one to direct it to.
i found this quote...about love being less of the feeling...and more of the actions. I don't want to confuse infatuation with actual love...but the feeling can be so strong...cuz i have felt it before.

Love...is less a feeling than an action-it's the sustained ability to put someone else's needs above yours day after day, year after year.

I guess when it comes down to it...I'm gonna keep my eyes and let me self take more chances on finding it. It may not hit me at first...but i know i'll find it again. I need only look at some of my friends to truly believe that it is attainable (Bryan-Angela, Jojo-Dao, Alfred-Brenda, and many others.) I don't want to close my eyes anymore...i just want to see the person i want to sing to.

Girl I care about you
I'm there for you
So why don't you care for me,
like I care about you
-Milestone, Soul Food Soundtrack

* darn geocities won't allow outside links. So copy past this into a browser.
http://www.geocities.com/sasami514/pics/angelaandbryan.jpg

ray: ahhh...u've reminded me that true love is still possible
(sigh)
bryan: ha ha....
ray: (sentimental sob)
bryan: no problem.
ray: really though..i'm really happy for you.
bryan: i am glad that i can share it with you.
ray: i was starting to more or less give up on the idea...
bryan: oh.. ha ha
bryan: no.. never give up.. but don't try to hard..
bryan: love will come to you!