Humm...its 7pm…and I find myself at work. Oddly enough this is the one place I've never wanted to be...working on a weekend...but for some reason I find some solace.


Work has been really busy. Had to configure some new products, reset my data back-up procedures, cleaning out my office area... I'm still online chatting...but haven't really had time to blog about events in my life. Ha ha…funny…thats why I never was good with a journal.


Been semi-serious with the whole working out idea. Push-ups and sit-ups at home...up to 40 in the morning and night now. yeah...not a big accomplishment...happy that I'm sorta still sticking with it.


APO stuff keeping me busy too. Its RUSH everywhere...and I have been making chapter visits. Meeting a lot of cool people...and catching up with old friends. Feeling really good about my section staff. They are definitely coming up as good leaders. I get the feeling that there will be a lot of qualified candidates when I pass on the Section Chair position. The chapters are doing well...and the section reps are doing their thing. This will be a good year.


Surprisingly the other thing that has kept me really busy is Anime Expo. Recently I was given the position of Security Department Head. Now...Expo was something I did once a year to hang with some friends that met at the convention. Most of them live in Ventura/Oxnard county, which until recently had always been significantly far away. But now that I work in Westwood (plus sitting online all the time)… I have been making a lot of plans with the AX Crew. Dinner at Curry House…clubbing nights...plans for Vegas. (sidenote: Yeah...you heard...VEGAS BABY....Been a while...and actually pretty random...but anyone who reads this...I'll be in Vegas Nov 16-17 weekend.)
I had always done AX security since I was bored of just sitting at the convention. They turned out to be a great bunch of people...like another family. So now I'm seeing what I can do to keep that spirit throughout the year, before AX...which leads me to my next topic of ...


Bowling


I've developed a new passion for Bowling. You can thank Rich and Angie from UCLA for getting me into it. Starting out as a way to just chill with friends, I know find myself checking out bowling.com and reading articles on gripping the bowling ball. I just bought my shoes this weekend on an impulse buy and am already planning on hitting the lanes twice this week. (Wed with UCLA, Sat with AX Security). I found a replica Bowling shirt of the Simpson's Pin Pals and was pretty close to buying it. Its was too funny.


Anyways...I basically still a straight bowler. Wrist locked straight and down the center. Bowled with family on Sat night and saw my cousin did really well with this funky curve. So...you never know…just re-acquainting myself with the sport. Very inconsistent...but usually above 100 ( 90-160). Its all for the fun of it anyways!


So…any challengers?

Man...I'm really bummed today..and not sure why.

Thanks to Brenden for this link...Funny as hell.

Yoda's twin. The oldest women alive.

Getting your butt licked by Clifford. So wrong on many levels.
I think the Old man and the lil blond girl liked it too much.

A look into my mentality....
Here's whats in the CD CHANGER (10-Disc baby)

1. USHER - 8701 (best tracks 9-11)
2. Eminem - Marshall Mathers LP
3. Lea Salonga - Bakit Labis Kitang Mahal
4. Christina Aguilera - Christina Aguilera
5. Walk in the Park Soundtrack (only hope)
6. Jay-Z -Vol. 2 Hard Knock Life
7. Nsync - Celebrity (selfish...well...I'll admit..most of the tracks are good)
8. Boy Band Mix - Personal mix (yes christina...bsb is there too)
9. Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory (one step closer and in the end)
0. Love Jams - Personal mix

Ok..I had Sam's help on the choices..but they were all my CDs..
soo..mostly hip hop and R&B..but some out of the ordinary favorites too.
and if you're at work...listening at work at www.live365.com : R&B-2002.com channel

Dang..forever and a day since I last blogged.

So we start off.....actually busy at work now. Learning new stuff and one of my supervisors in Boston seems to have a strike against me. I didn't do anything..but thats the way I feel. Otherwise work is still great. Get to learn new stuff and work with cool people.

Been really busy with APO stuff. Helping revitalize the Long Beach chapter and hanging out with USC. Bowling with UCLA. These are the cool things about a Fraternity is hanging with so many people from different schools. Hung out with a bunch of peeps from APO-Phil.

Find myself chatting more often with peeps. Get to tell them all the stories (hence..blog starts lacking)...some I may not even repeat here. (hee hee).

OK..so about the shout out from Steve's blog....here it is....the new mentality.

I've decided to say...

SCREW relationships..and focus on my NBA Career (basketball).


Honestly..its working. We'll..doubt the sixers will be knocking on my door, but just enjoying the moment..instead of thinking of forever. Got picked up by some younger girls (sweet)...and just find it a lil bit easier to talk to people. Got my first dance at a club with someone I didn't already know. (BTW..going to a club with just guys in your group makes it really difficult..gotta bring some girls along). Otherwise trying to focus on a workout/exercise schedule and try to get some BBall in. Tired of being "afraid" of girls. If they don't wanna hang out..their loss....and as I told steve...

BeefcakeGT: just go with the flow, don't overthink things...
and just see what happens


raywarriner: yeah..if you don't get a gf..you at least get a friend


BeefcakeGT: yeah.......................................................





So there boys and girls...is the moral of the story...







PS.steve doen't sit on the keys like that...I needed to do that to even out the names. gotta improve my HTML skills. =/

Dude...
I am soo loving this job. Here's a couple interesting and quick links for you all.

The New 2003 Honda Accord

The Secret Menu at In and Out



PS..
went to check out the 24 hour fitness in Beverly Hills yesterday. Figured it would be some world class ritzy place.
Um..no...ghetto as heck. Too many people in a crowded little room. Had to pay to park (getting used to that in LA).
They did have a Hip Hop class...so you never know...but I'm planning on checking Santa Monica later.

PPS.
Got my business cards yesterday....sooo loving this job. Just reserved for Kings Hockey and Laker tickets.. ^_^

So I'm sitting here...at work of course...eating vanilla ice cream with M&Ms for my chocolate fix. Gonna post an entry (longer one) later...but here's a quick blurb.

1. Vanilla - getting a better appreciation for it. Personally I'm a chocolate fan...almost chocolate freak, but lately Vanilla has tasted pretty good. Why you ask...well its all about Vanilla coke. I really hesitated about that one...but honestly its like drinking a ice cream float. Yumm.

2. IM from work - Gotta love it. Its been busy...sorta...but you gotta love a job where IM is part of the communication structure. Now I have a work sn with my buddy list on it...so I can keep in touch with everyone. ^_^. And I'm on like all day.

3. IM chats - Since CPW, we've had a bunch of IM chats all day long. I heard one even went till 3am. Well..its all about the interchapter love. Hopefully some of it will get people going to each other’s events.

4. AX Security - The current department manager is planning on moving up, and has asked me to become the dept head in his place. I still feel a lil out of place since most of them are like a family (out in Venture/Oxnard) and me out in LA. When the news was announced, there was no reaction. Kinda worried, but individually, people congratulated me. Personally, I just do it for fun...no titles. I just don't like hurting people's feelings.

So a couple weeks ago I went to chill with the AX crew. It was a lot of fun being able to just hang out with everyone. I guess I find my live is primarily work and APO. Anime expo provided for me another outlet to meet people and just hang out. I was hesitant about doing expo this year, only because of certain people or wondering how I would be viewed. I do my job, but I guess some people may have felt as if I was stepping on toes. Either way I was glad I did it. It was great to see old friends again and this year we kicked ass. I was "recruiting" con goers to help regulate the line, met some new people on staff, escorted a japanese singer w/ dancers, and also got a free signed CD from them. ^_^

Magic Mountain is our traditional after-con get-together. It was a lot of fun...although hella hot. Got there and just chilled thru most of the rides. You know...it was all about hanging out. I didn't even remember that there were two new rides opened that I had never been on (and didn't ride that day either). Sam was supposed to go with us, but wasn't feeling too well (see her post about the ear-ache). We rode Roaring Rapids (and this time I did get wet), Riddlers Revenge, Goliath and Colossus. I guess I have always felt like an outsider to this group. Most of them are out in the Oxnard/Ventura area, which is about a hour and a half north of cerritos. They are all from the same anime club and started working as AX security before I joined. I've been with them the past 4 years now...and things are good. Now that I'm in Westwood now...will likely be hanging out with them more.

Thought this might be interesting for all my raver and E-user friends out there. I think the best part of the article was when he states

Psychedelics are a means for adults to gain insight into themselves,
Shulgin says. "The best words I can use are research tools."
article link

Plus the fact that he tests the drugs on himself first. enjoy.

I guess it was just a matter of time before we start seeing more of this.

(Last line in an article by ZDNet regarding Network Security)

Ray Ozzie is chief executive of Groove Networks and the creator of Lotus Notes. You can also access his latest writings on his personal weblog.

Ahh…a quiet day.

Today was a good day at work. No real problems came up. Got good comments on a suggestion I made to the IT Staff...I got a lot of sleep...woke up late...and still made it on time. All in all a really good day.

So now that I have some time...(as I did all day today)...let me hit you with some highlights.

Job/Career - really nice. Type of company I can retire with. No longing for something else...(well maybe different hours).. Secure career, family like atmosphere, good company. Let me put it to you this way. When I park in the parking structure...my wheels squeak because the floor of the complex is just that clean...yeah. ^_^ I already have tickets to 2 Kings games (anyone interested in going?) and was told the company usually buys Lakers tickets for outings (hopefully they'll be playing the 76ers). Really cool group. Besides all this craziness the first week and a half...I was told that was more work than the last guy had in the past 3 years. So I'm hoping things will remain relatively calm.

APO - Came back from SRW in Kansas City. It was really cool. Got to meet a bunch of people...catch up with old friends (iowa/midwestern girls...yeah ^_^) Really good workshops...and just chillin Region X style. Hanging out with the Rabanera Bros and Anna...plus Region X staff peeps. Introduced Kansas City to the Tokyo Tea. Became the life of the party at that bar (of course this has nothing to do with the actual SRW conf...because APO is a dry fraternity). Actually got to hang out at the National Office. That was dope. So much history...in a location behind the local Discount store. (honest) I knew that the first time I stopped by (2 years ago…early plane trip before it opened)...but this was the first time I was actually able to enter. Really cool stuff.


This week will be CPW (dang...all these letters). Now I get to hang with the actives. Kickin it at UCLA. Should be a lot of fun and planning on running wild (hopefully). Cheesy, Anna will be coming down from norcal. Bunch of peeps from SF and Voltaire...New people = new opportunity...err people ^_^. Rich, Jeanne (happy now =p), Francis, Kelly, John, Anh, the Rabanera bros, and many others. I'm running a workshop...and I always make it fun. We're in charge of Sat night’s event...so we'll have to see what happens. Hope were not stuck in the dorms...but either way we're with brothers. Too bad I may be passing up a Sexy Fashion show at a club on Fri night...but we'll see what happens.=(

I’ve started people working on the APO Winter Formal Cruise. That something I have always wanted to have. Checking prices show it can be fairly pricey…but I have three very capable girls working on it (Cheesy, Grace, and Anita). More info on that to come.

Upcoming posts…Magic Mountain with AX Security.

Arrg...I had a post on Fri...but hit the wrong button. Oh well....

So...finally had time to go ahead and update this. For those that don't know...I did get the job. You are now looking at the Senior Technical Operations Support Person for the LA location of Charles River Associates. (www.crai.com). Basically I'm the computer/network guy for the office. Been a crazy first week. Lets see...started out on my day with the network connection to the Internet crashing. Nothing I could do on my part…but not the best way to start the week. Then as I tried to recover thru the week, just a series of other problems came up. The most difficult part about this is that the person I replaced is not around. Didn't get much of a training, so much of this is crash course figuring out how things are being run as well as who to call when things don't work out. Just stumbling thru things myself.

Surprisingly too, No matter when I leave the house...it seems to take at least an hour to get to work. My job hours are 10-7 so it cuts traffic a little...as well as cuts much of my social time. I guess there had to be a trade off for the better job and security.

I miss Orange County. I went to a UCI meeting...and could immediately feel better once I hit that portion of the 5 freeway. A lot more relaxed...i don't know. I just hope that this company eventually moves into OC.

Cube is doing a lot better...mainly thanks to his physical therapist (my sister samantha). She's keeping him under strict guard…but now has him stumbling on all four paws. Not 100% yet...but a good 50-60%.

Still really busy getting used to everything...and stuff going on weekends. I'll update more as I get more time...which hopefully will be soon.
Things to talk about…SRW, CPW (this weekend), Magic Mountain.

Special Shout outs
Grace - Hey...you may not feel it...but you are definitely missed. I hope you're having fun in Europe. Enjoy ^_^..and come back soon.
Justin - Punk...ditching me and CPW...but I know it was for something better (^_^)
Cheesy - See you this weekend.
Al - Update your block Jedi Squire.
Rachel - I'll get your letter to you. Hope things go well in the PI. Check this spot for messages.
Will - Happy Bday...I called you...but figured I'd post here too.
UCLA crew - I'm back in westwood. Let me know whenever you want to hang out.
Anyone else...um...yeah...just watch the spot for more updates.
I need to put up a comment system and ability to email...but something to work on later.

OK..finally got some time to blog...actually should be sleeping right now.

Things are actually going well lately. First off, Cube is doing better. Been visiting him in Doggie Hospital. Doctors say he's doing better (supporting his weight and stuff)...but whenever I see him, he's happy...although still dragging his lower half. Gotta love the fact that his nametag says Will Bite. He's a good dog...well mostly. ^_^

In other news, Things are looking good on the job front too. I'm almost 80% sure of a new career is LA. Been interviewing with this company in Westwood. Initial phone interview was good, followed by a 2 hour interview with the Sr. technician, Principal, and Vice President of the company. This last week I've had phone interviews with the Boston IT guys (1 hour) and Human Resources (30 Min). All that is left is for my recruiter to finalize the offer. More relaxed environment than teaching (although I'll miss it) but still a family-like atmosphere in the office. I'll let you know how it goes from here...but I am excited.

Just a quick blurb...since I need to sleep soon.

I guess good news comes all at one time. I got the phone calls from the Vet this morning about Cube's test and surgery. Everything went ok. No problems. Right now he's recuperating at the vet and going thru physical therapy. (Doggy physical therapy...didn't believe it existed...but yeah.) So things are well with him, as well as the rest of the family.

I also had a phone interview with a company earlier today (july 17). The must have really liked me because they asked for an interview the next day (that would be today now…july 18..past 12am now). So I'll be heading to Westwood for an interview. Pretty prestigious company. I'll let you know how it goes. ^_^

I Guess it Pays to get a Second Opinion.

Well...things are a bit better today. I was a bit resolved and prepared myself for losing my best friend. It all seemed to be a bit too much to bear. Anyways...after talking to my sister and dad, I decided it that we should take Cube to the specialist just to get his/her opinion. So I woke my mom, sister and cousin up this morning and asked them to take Cube to the surgeon.

Well...news is good...at least right now. The doctor diagnosed that the likely cause of his pain is a pinched nerve. He also said it was a common procedure and based on his evaluation Cube would have a 65-75% chance of recovery. The only thing that hit me was the cost...no cheap by any means...gonna have to save up for a while here. When it comes down to it though...I know it will be well worth it. He's not exactly out of the clear yet...but at least my spirits are up a bit. Anyways…how can you say no to this face. (paste link in browser...geocities won't link. Sucks)
http://www.geocities.com/sasami514/pics/acubpic.jpg

Side note: On a humorous side...while I was using the restroom at the Vet...I noticed this norman rockwell-ish painting showing a little girl and a cat. The caption "pussy's picture". Coincidence...I think not. ^_^

A boy and his dog.

Warning…depressing post. I’m not even sure why I am posting this…but it seems to me things become a lot clearer once I start writing about it. This is not a “happy happy” post either, so be warned.

Here begins the story of Cube, my dog. I kinda wanted a dog as I was growing up, but was always told by my parents, “if you can’t clean your room, how can you care for a dog.” I sufficed with that reply, until one day a dog chose me.

It was the summer before my senior year in college (1996). Till that time, I was content with my one loving relationship with my girlfriend (Christine) of three years. We were visiting her cousins when I first met Cube. The two cousins had just gotten him from a friend and didn’t realize how much time it would take to care for a dog, especially since the apartment complex didn’t allow pets.

(Cube was named after the rapper ICE CUBE, their favorite artist. Since then he’s been called Cube, Cubee, Cubosity, Pubosity, Piquito Puppy, and Baby. The name and all different versions stuck, so I never really change it. )

So again, we were visiting Christine’s cousins when first met him. I was just sitting on the floor hanging out, when he jumped up into my lap. He kept jumping up trying to lick my face (soon to be know as a trademark Cube move). Eventually he wore me out and “attacked” with his affections. That was the beginning of it all.

The cousins were going to be gone one weekend, so I offered to take care of Cube. Being that I had a house, it was a lot easier to just bring him there. Soon after all my roommates fell in love with him to. Smart dog with an attitude, Cube did his own thing. Besides that he is cute as hell. He has that genetic trait of broken ear that just makes him look even more adorable. That weekend stay eventually became forever.

When I brought him home the first time, my parents simply responded with “he’ll be your responsibility.” Secretly I know he became as much a part of their life as he is mine. He is the guardian of the house, since he is home more often than any of us. While my sister was going through school, he was the caring friend always happy to see her walk in the door. He loves seeing people, although at times he could be a bit bi-polar. Usually pretty nice, but sometimes he’ll snap at people. He would jump in the car with dad to go pick up people or follow my mom around the kitchen hoping for something to drop. When he first came home, we would have him stand on his hind legs reaching for food and doing tricks. I never really taught him any tricks, but he did learn to fetch on his own. Sometimes he’d bring the ball back, sometimes he wouldn’t (as seen in the tennis balls all over the house.) And at night, he was the one who would jump on the bed, readjust the blankets, and sleep through the night.

I guess its time to come to the sad part of this story. There have been many happy times with Cube and honestly times I wish he wasn’t around. I guess its just like any relationship. (luckily you don’t have to tell a girlfriend not to pee on a computer…at least I hope you don’t) Well overactive dog has enjoyed jumping up on chairs, tables, stairs a bit too much. As of Friday he suffered his third “back sprain” that has incapacitated his hind legs. The first two times, we all got scared, but luckily medication and rest was able to rehabilitate him. This most recent time though, the medication doesn’t seem to be making a difference. I worried about it all the way down from Norcal, so I prepped myself for the worse case scenario.

And I guess its now decision time. Since the medication isn’t working the only other options right now are surgery or euthanasia. Since the damage is in the Central Nervous System, a quick decision is required. Surgery right now will give a 30% chance of recovery even after a year of physical therapy. That is of course if Cube is cooperative with the physical therapist. Euthanasia is obviously more immediate...and more heart breaking.

I see him here, sleeping peacefully in the corner of my room. He acts without a care, continuing to try to jump into people’s laps even with his bad back. Other than the fact he drags his back hind quarters, he doesn’t seem to be in any pain. This is what makes this decision even more difficult. So the question remains, what to do? I’ve been trying to talk to many people to get their opinion. Will he be happy? Am I prolonging the evitable? What will be his quality of life afterwards? How much can I honestly dedicate to him to rehabilitate?

My mind says that letting him go would be best for everyone. No one at home, including myself can dedicate the required time and attention to him, especially for rehabilitation. It would hurt a lot in the beginning, but eventually we will cope. My heart won’t let me do it. This is my best friend. The love of my life. He is a big part of my family. I look at him and don’t want to imagine life without him. I knew at some point in time this would happen…but you still don’t want to think about it. He is so much like me. Its just like killing a part of me.

I’m gonna sleep on this…but even then it won’t make it any easier. I thank everyone I talked to for your time and sympathy. I leave you all with this story to help make things easier. A Precious gift of Life and Love.

Got back from the trip to Norcal with not so good news. I'll save that bad news for a later post.

Norcal Highlights..

Well...its been a while since I've made that drive solo...and thank goodness for Sam being there...to keep me awake. Hey...it had been a long day. Arrived in Davis and passed out.

Staying at my brother and sister's house felt just like that. I try to respect their space...and just keep to myself. Woke up sometime in the afternoon...and went to the mall. Arden Fair Mall..

--tangent blog on Arden Fair Mall--
Man...I couldn't believe this mall...and maybe it was just Sac. So many girlies...but I was seriously bothered. Lil 12 year olds with enough make up and ish to look 30. Oh goodness. And there was this one girl...looked cute...thin as hell...and really I mean thin as hell. I'm serious if she fell, she could have broken something. Girls with tats all over. ewww. really bothered being there.
---end side note----

So that night made it to Christina's party in SF. The drive to SF wasn't too bad. Made it in time for dinner. Cool meeting up with norcal friends (Milly, Biggwould, Steve Lee, Lily, Anita, Denise, Minh, Tony, Alan, Denise, Rox, Anna, Kalen, Elena, and of course Christina). Special thanks to Milly and Justin for kicking with me most of the evening. Its been too long. And milly at your next party...just make sure to invite me...then I'll see if I can come up for it. ^_^

The music was cool (well...in the beginning). Felt good just to be out partying again. Some freaks on the dance floor...nice....although I stuck primarily with the APO people I knew. IT was great just seeing everyone again...and visiting norcal.

So the next day was spent primarily relaxing. Went to lunch with my sister to Ludy's, the traditional place for Ribs for the Iota Phi Close family. I remembered the first time I had been there was right after Will's activation. This whole trip has been a nice time just talking and getting to know my sister better. After that watched Zoolander...and met up with Will, Rosina, Christina, Sara for dinner. Not much to do that day...just relax. It was also that day that I learned the bad news about my dog being hurt.

I spent Sat thinking about my dog at home. Felt bad that he was hurt and I was so far away. Decided that we needed to head home that night. Spent the morning with family. Costco and Ice Cream parlor. Finally got a hold of my friend in Sunnyvale and decided to meet him at work before heading down. I've know Feras for sometime now...met him while I was working at Fry's in Anaheim. He's gone on and cleaned up his act and is now the Department Manager at the Sunnyvale location. Its been a couple years since I last saw him, but I had to do it...since he just got married. I was happy for him and just wanted to make sure I got to see him before I headed home.

When Sam and I finally got to Sunnyvale, he was busy as usual. He couldn't leave from work..so we just caught up a bit before sam and I left...with the promise that he would head down to visit soon.

So overall, it was a nice trip to Northern Cali. Realized I don't like driving over bridges. Spent a lot of time just thinking about things. Subject for a different blog. Otherwise...I think thats all for now. Time to check on Cube.

Oh man..its been so long since I posted. I just looked at this site and I still have posts from May.

Anyways... Anime Expo was really cool. Had a lot of fun hanging with the Ventura Anime Club/Crew and regulating on all the otaku fans. Overall people have been really cooperative. Trust me...lining up over 3,000 people for a limited engagement show is no easy task...so I have to give much props to my crew (SDF1 Type R) and the whole security team for their good work. Plus there were some pretty fine ladies there too.. Got an email. We'll see what happens from there.

Right now I'm taking care of things before my trip. Sucks to get back to work and remember that we recently switched text books. Material is all still the same, just have to find it somewhere. Plus this is a new week and a new class. They seem to be very good, just quiet. I do need to look for something new though because I just realized that since I have been part time, I've lost sick days and maybe benefits.

So where am I going...well...heading up to Norcal for Cheesy's Bday/Grad. I told you I'd do what I can to make it. Why does it have to be on a Thur though? Anyways...I'm gonna try to meet up with my friend Feras also. He just got married and was supposed to visit..so instead I'll head up there.

well...until next post.^_^

Humm..this space has been relatively quiet. Sorry everyone..just been busy working and stuff. Trying to figure things out. I'm actually going to Anime Expo this weekend so I'm probably going to be offline all weekend too. I will write more when i come back. But here I leave you with a few parting gifts.

Happy 4th of July
and
Ray taking Sake Bombs.

Oh Yeah!!! Celebration.


PS..Hi everyone that is gone. Still miss ya.
APO peeps..see you at CPW or maybe SRW.
Grace - Remember no European dwarf women for me. They may fit in the carry-on..but you know my taste in women. ^_^ Have fun.
Thanks to Kelly, Linda and James (and my sister)...for the movie yesterday. Mr. Deeds was cool.
Thanks to my cousin (assistant Manager) for the Sneak Peek for MIB2. It was cool.
Justin and Cheesy..I'm seeing what I can do to get up there next week. Miss ya all.
John...hope things go well with that Job opportunity.
Anyone else I missed...well...sorry..miss ya too ^_^. (really...)

Ok..I'm off.

So everyone has gone their separate ways for summer…and now I sit here and re-evaluate my life.

So what of my life so far? Work and APO. Humm...that about sums it up. Yes boys and girls…when we leave school, there really isn't much to do besides work. So for all you recent graduates (congratulations by the way ^_^), find something that makes you happy...or at least will suffice till you find something that makes you happy.

Ok...so lets look at work. I know I complain about it all the time...but I think thats just because I always complain about work. Suffice it to say…it passes the time. Otherwise I'd be bored beyond belief. Anyways. I spent about 6 hours working on the school network. I didn't know it took Win 98 three fricken times to reboot...just to load...and I was sitting there for an hour just watching. ARRGG. It actually made me wonder if this career is something I want. I started thinking about other options again...nursing mainly. Who knows? Odd thing is I never really appreciated my work (teaching). I came into work this morning and got a compliment from some students (not my own). They said that the talk around school is that I am the best teacher there. Not to brag…I knew I was popular...but I didn't really pride myself as the best. I think right now its just a case of boredom. I haven't really challenged myself to anything anymore. I need to study some new material that we will be teaching...but right now I just don't care. sad huh. I want to redo this website...studying HTML and stuff...yet I find myself blogging and chatting most of my time away. Look for work...study this...research that...oh man.

Now APO. Wow...it was Fall 1994 when I first joined. I've met and made many friends during that time...throughout the state and beyond. Both my brother and sister are members. I made many of my closest friends due to it. Why do I stay? Well, its about the people. Every year...new people, new experiences. Its like teaching to me. I get so see people come in and become better leaders because of it. It has always been more than just a club. I've seen people come and go, but have never really been distant from them. I stay really involved... a lot more than most. My most recent pleasure was seeing Rho Rho - UC Irvine recharter. I get quite attached. Really. It becomes less about the organization and more about the people. APO has actually been a deciding factor for me in life decisions. Do I move to Virginia/Hawaii for work? What about moving up north? What about Rho Rho -UCI? What about Alpha Delta Theta - UCR?

So in this re-evaluation I come to look at my own goals. The one thing I wanted to do in my life was be a good father. I have lived that tenant in all my dealings and relationships. As a teacher, making sure my students understand what is going on in the subject matter. As a friend, helping my friends in and thru whatever hardships they go thru. I found a career that would keep me financially happy and able to raise a family. Money in the bank, not living paycheck to paycheck, looking for a house, and a new car. What is missing? The most important part.

My soulmate. My partner.

Rather difficult to find this person. Been looking...thought I found it...then it wasn't...still looking...or am I really? I want it to happen...but maybe I just have to let it happen. I realized that I have been sitting around thinking/sulking about it too long. Why not me? When is my turn? What do I have to do?

Now...I just need to find something to do. Something new...take my mind off it. Planning on developing my other skills...maybe take a cooking class, dancing, who knows. I really just have to get off this depressing state. Oh well..we'll just have to see.

"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with Love."

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

-Christian, Moulin Rouge-

Who would have guessed it....once you start getting things back on track..what happens. You get sick. So here I am sitting at home, recovering from a cold. Not too bad...only a day so far.

Things have been fairly quiet since Finals started. No more apo events...at least not right now. gotta start planning for summer events and stuff. Watching the NBA Finals..but nothing really to watch there. Realizing that I am a Laker-hater. I respect the team and their skills and all, but would rather see someone else there. Anyways...Three Peat Successful. Go LA. Still thing the Kings should have been there...and what is an east coast final without Iverson or Carter??

Instead, I'm been trying to get healthy and play more ball. Had a fun time this past Friday. Played BBall at 24 hour fitness in Lake Forest. Started scoring and looking like a champ. This was of course after playing too games and looking like a chump. Either way..it was all fun. Too bad that was the last time I saw the gym (stupid cold). I did go to an Angels baseball game that friday with Clint from UCI. It was hella cool. I've never been a big fan of Baseball, but went mainly to kick it with Clint. It was a lot of fun. The angels won!

Trying to learn HTML so I can do that redesign. Actually trying to figure out DreamWeaver. Gonna get it eventually. Got a lot of things I can try to accomplish, so I'm making a list of things to do.

whew...ok..I am still alive...
hardly...but very busy.

First off...its too late for me to blog...but I just wanted you all to know that I am still alive.
Been really busy with work and events/banquets.
Also...now I'm actually eating again...(instead of missing meals due to work)...which tends to cause me to sleep more..(afternoon naps that last 4-5 hours).

so things are going well...just catching up on things. ^_^.
Will post more later.

Ok...Back to reality.

I'm back. Yeah!!! Free from teaching at night. I made it to my first APO meetings this week. WOW. I have seen how much UCI has grown since I've been gone. 40+ great pledges and now the meeting room is twice as big. It was cool because Grace, John, and Jeannie came down to visit to. Pretty cool.

This weekend I also went to Dave and Linnea's Wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony out in the Malibu Hills. Two people truly made for each other. I know you are enjoying Paris right now. Have fun! I was able to catch up with most of my friends from UCLA. I can't believe it had been so long since I had seen some of them. Had some yummy food (2 Prime Ribs) and great conversation. We gotta hang out more often. Gonna relink Diana again..since she's updating now =p.

Still a busy week. House closed for fumigation…so I finally got back home on Tues. Had to crash at my aunts house and some brothers at UCI. Mostly hanging with UCI events, meeting with Pomona on Thur. Busy Busy Busy…

But then again…Its memorial day weekend and SD banquet. BUCA crew reunited again…and we’re definitely gonna make up for lost time. ^_^

C-Ya There!!

My bad…I really didn't finish that last post. I had been working on it...but didn't mean to publish it yet. Oh well...I told Al I wouldn't clown on him as much. Ok…maybe I will. So lets just put this into perspective.

For the females: If you find yourself dancing at a club…and a guy (definitely not your type) comes up to you and starts grinding/freaking/dancing too close... you tend to just ignore and walk away right? Hey...I'm not speaking from experience here (#$%$ you )..but generally speaking...thats the case right…or so I notice.^_^

Well…according to the book of Al...if someone wants to be that close to you...and he/she (hahahah) has a pulse...then its all good. (Oh man...this is too funny). So I'm dancing at ALL CAL, making eye contact with those three girls, and when I look back at my group...I see this girl all over Al. Oh man...it was quite a site (being respectful here). All I could see were that huge grin on Al as she got closer and closer to him. Hey...she was a nice girl...but I don't know Al...you may have some issues. HAHA...so according to Al, it was her who initiated everything...complete from the grinding, to sitting with his arm around her on the chairs. Must have been difficult man. HAHA. In his defense...yeah...its true...at least he was talking to some people...but I would honestly say that this was not one to brag about.

So after we dropped them off...Bryan and I proceeded to clown him all night. Supposedly pretending to be asleep so he wouldn't have to talk to her on the ride home. Sure didn't stop that arm around her again. HAHA. oh man…it was too much fun. I still can't believe you called Grace and Justin that night... just to give your side first. You know they will still believe me though. Hahaha.

Oh well... so now I'm gonna link Al's site too. Check the side for that tornado in your eye ball. Oh in Al's case…that white stuff on your cheek. Just clowning dogg

Till next time
Peace out.

OK...so this is a little late...but still...I have to mention it.

So mothers day weekend...I headed out to UCI for a service project. Really cool seeing everyone again...and now meeting some of the pledges (you guys are all cool). While I'm there…I'm just catching up with friends when Al asks me if I can go with him to a hip hop event at LA that night. Well...I was going to kick it with some friends, but decided we'd try to do both. See...the thing is...he was going to kick it with this girlie from UCLA. Not exactly the type of girl I'd figure he'd go for...but to each his own. Plus...I wanted to just get out. So...with both Rabanara brothers, we rolled back to my house and had to clean up a bit before the event. Big Ups to Bryan for mastering the Steam Vacuum. We had jollibee for lunch and rolled out to LA for the event.

We make it to UCLA...and have to wait hella long...why? well...girls. What do you expect? =p Taking forever to get ready. Al's all ready with a bouquet of hershey kiss roses that he just stole from the Service projects. Something about promising her flowers…and chocolates...so this was 2 for 1. We pick up the girls…and head out to the Westin.

What I didn't realize was that this was ALL CAL. All the Chinese Student Associations from respective UCs were there...representing...with their hip hop dance troops. Hella fine Asian women in the house. So Bryan hits up this girl from SD he'd been talking to and disappears for the night. Meanwhile Al and I are chiln with the two girls from UCLA. Now...the girl I'm dancing with is definately a shorty. In attitude and stature. She was dancing pretty well...and it was all cool. I did have my eye on these three girls that were dancing in the corner. Dang…hella fine. (damn...still too much norcal). I tried to test this "new and improved" ray with no fear to talk to girls...but lets just say it didn't happen. I did approach...but not in enough time. Anyways... This story is about Al.

Finally off the night shift...back to visiting and kickin it again. ^_^

Gonna be offline for the weekend...getting kicked out of the house because they are going to fumigate it. Pretty busy weekend. Got work on Sunday and a wedding to attend. Congrats Dave and Linnea ^_^. See ya soon.

So..still have to write about All CAL and AL's "girl". More to come later.

Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to me... ^_^

Thank you to everyone that wished me well on my Birthday. I guess you can tell that I am really big on birthdays...especially my own (sasami514..hint hint). I guess its because I do a lot for others (not trying to brag...sorry...I'm really modest...really). Service to others...and all that stuff. A birthday is one day where one can be somewhat selfish. Its your birthday...no one elses (usually). Of course last year...sucks...had my bday on mothers day...so my special day was spent taking mom out to dinner. Anyways, I was on the DL all day. Not saying anything…and just seeing who remembered.

Kinda made me sad about not having someone again. When I was with my girlfriend...we would try to be the first one to greet each other right at Midnight. Well…the midnight hour passed...and I was sitting online just chiln... la dee da. Then I decided to just log off and go to sleep. The first message (Text) came in at 12:30 from a friend in Irvine. Later on my sister called and we just talked for a while. It was nice. After waking up for work throughout the day...I would get phone calls/texts from people. It was cool. I do things without asking...so it was nice to be appreciated and remembered. Got a couple calls and posts from the buca crew...all and all a good day…except for the fact that I had to work still.

PS...I did post some of this on May 14...I just didn't publish till now (May 18)

May 10...its Friday!! Countdown of 4 more days after tonite...till I'm done working nights. I have already finished the class...now its just finding projects to do to help the students become more confident in their skills. They have been great...its just that I want to get to do other things at night again. ^_^

Got some APO drama/issues going on in my chapters in the section. Disappointed that I am stuck in class and unable to go out and help personally…but there are quite a bit of leaders developing through these trials and tribulations. I just hope they are ready for those challenges...but it is those challenges that will make them better leaders.

So now for the words of wisdom...or ray's ranting...and today’s issue will be....LIFE.

So I'm driving to work today...running a bit late (as usual)...and I notice these trucks on the freeway. They were for the abortionNO.org site. I intentionally did not link it...its not a pretty picture...and neither were the pictures they used on the side of the trucks (2 of them) to "promote" (for lack of a better work) their issue. I'm not looking for a debate on this one...but I'm pretty middle of the road on this one. It just got me thinking about life...and here's why.

I had just gotten of the phone yesterday with one of my friends. She had called sounding somewhat upset. Once I broke through the small talk, I learned that one of her close friends had attempted suicide. The reason for the attempt was over a failed relationship. Thankfully...she had intervened and prevented any irreversible harm...but still...I was in shock. First off for my friend...college student and all around great girl...the fact that she had to endure this. Life is hard enough and having to deal with other people thinking of giving up their own. No one should have to go thru that. Secondly, for the friend that was attempting suicide. OH MY GOD!! (SMACK). Can anything be that bad that it is worth giving up everything? I see people everyday, and know that they all have the potential to be so much. I know relationships can be tough...trust me I know. To end it all over a guy/girl that doesn't see the real beauty within. It would be their loss. Honestly. But suicide has to be the most selfish act one can do. Do you not realize that there are so many people around that care for you? If you ever question it...then realize this. I'll miss you. I don't care if I never even meet you...the world is at a loss without you. You may not realize this…but its true.

(Sigh) (breathe) (Sigh)..whoa. Ok...got a little too involved in that one. Remember this is behind the smile. Can't put a smiley face on everything. Just writing that down I started thinking of close friends of my own that were thinking the same thing...and I'll even admit myself that there was a point when it crossed my mind. Hey…we're only human...and sometimes challenges seem overwhelming. But toughen up…and be strong. Find someone to be there for you in support. If you are anyone I know that reads this blog...I'll be there for you.

Life is precious...in any form. Take time to just experience it. While walking past a co-workers office this morning...I actually stopped to smell the roses on her desk (yeah clique, but still.). Its a nice day outside (hopefully)...take an hour out and go to the beach (if you are close to one). Live life. Take chances. Experience it. It only happens once...so enjoy it while you have it. I don't care if you are 8 or 88 years old...take and experience each day...no regrets.
-excelsior-

Ahh yes...Things are going good lately. This past weekend I actually got to just spend the day (Sat) taking care of a lot of loose ends. Sadly I was not able to participate in the MS. APO activities up in Davis, which I hear I missed out on a great time. I'm planning on making up for it when I head up from Davis Banquet on June 1. ^_^

I spent most of Sat cleaning up my email-box. Bunch of emails had to save…and since I use hotmail...saved it to Word Documents. Felt pretty organized after that. Cousin came over and we just kicked it for a while. It was nice to just do nothing.

We're down to about 7 days left on the night class. Last day will be May 16. Can't wait to get my nights back and hang out with people again. Of course... It will suck to work on the 14th. (514 514 514….humm). I'll make up for that sometime too.

Oh and I checked out Grace's profile recently...

buca: its a way of life...

So cool...hard to believe after one night at dinner...a group of four people could become such close friends. ^_^ (tear)... You guys are too cool.

Oh yeah...almost forgot...as far as job searching...still waiting on the UCI one. Lets see if that one works out. But I did get a call from a former student of mine. Seems he's working for an up and coming network consulting company...and he was asking if I would be interested in joining up. They have 300 clients shared between 2 people. I'm also looking into a Chief Information Officer (CIO)- type positions with some other networking companies. Gonna send out a couple resumes...it doesn't hurt to check all my options...plus it was nice to be remembered by that student. So...I'm not stressing as much on the job dealio...can't wait to stop some of these jobs (morning, night, Sundays...sucks). Its tough work, but enjoy the security that comes along with it. So otherwise...I'll just let you know.

How do you know when you've been too busy?
1. When you have 4 DVDs that you bought some time ago..and haven't watched them yet. (Usual Suspects...special edition)
2. When you have the past 3 issues of Maxim...and you haven't taken the time to really look thru them yet. (Kelly Hu on the cover will stop me from doing anything...just to look)
and
3. When you cousin has been getting Victoria Secret's catalog for the past few months (sometimes 2 per month) and you haven't even looked thru them to ogle at the girls.

Well today I came home between classes and decided to just chill. On the table was an issue of Victoria's Secret Catalog. I "glanced" thru it and discovered the V-String Oh yeah..^_^ Now to get an up close and personal look (when I find someone to model it). What else have I been missing??

HOT DAMN

Aiight...here is my recap on the weekend of fun in SD. It was great to go see the Buca crew again (missing one...really missing that one person...but we understand). I took off from Anaheim to drive down to SD that Friday night so that I could have more time to hang out with everyone, plus drinking up that night and not having to worry about driving. Sadly the only thing I had to eat was a crappy slice of mushroom pizza. ( Since teaching nights...I tend not to eat dinner anymore. Just not enough time...but this mushroom thing will come up again later...and not in a good way). I made it down to Grace's place and started to chill. They (justin and grace) had just come back from dinner and I was hella hungry (hella hanging out with norcal peeps too much.). We decided to head out to TGIF to get started and grab something to eat (thanks grace for the sandwich). The appetizers were cool...nothing can top the JD Wings. and for some reason the Purple Hooter was hella strong. So we had a couple of drinks there..(not enough food in me still)…and headed back for the apartment festivities.

Now justin went thru and bought some stuff. included there was this ghetto ass HOT DAMN. Now I used to drink HOT DAMN before..mainly cuz of its cinamon flavor. It is weak stuff …only 20% or so...but we just tore that thing up. Decided to take shots for every sexual reference in Robin Hood Men in Tights. Oh man...We made it to the ...shoot...I don't even remember...before I decide to "sleep" on the couch. We finished the bottle...and it basically finished me. Really...I'm not weaksauce like that. I blame it on the lack of food and working all day. (ray getting defensive...ready for the next challenge). But it seems I'm not the only one who was messed up after that HOT DAMN.

So we spent most of Sat hungover. Oh man...it sucked. Now honestly...if it comes to trying to prove yourself as the shitnit and going all day with alcohol in your stomach or "relieving" yourself actually feeling better all day...I suggest the latter. Eating lunch at Hooters is not the same when you feel like shit. Even when the waitress is ALL UP IN YOUR FACE to ask you what your order is. So the three of us were really lagging all day long. We didn't get better till later that evening. Then we hit the family fun center, specifically the batting cages. I still have a bit of my swing...so it was cool. After that tried to stay up to watch the movie...but ended up heading home that night because of work the next day. sucks... so...the moral of this story. Eat before you drink...and do whatever make you happy. ^_^

Ok...I'm now halfway thru this night job. Counting down the days...till May 16. I'm actually pretty happy about things right now. Anaheim almost done...End of June before the CSULA gig ends...but I may be able to pass some of that to my partner. I really want to get my life back. I've basically settled that I want to live in OC.

That position in El Segundo didn't come through and I'm actually kinda glad it didn't. I don't think I really want to fight thru that traffic every day again. I just interviewed at UCI...and things look promising. The only thing is it may not open till July...and I'll still have to go through a rigorous interview process. Then again...it is a government job...so security is really good. Pretty laid back...maybe too much...but I can see it as a definite opportunity. Also my homies Al, Bryan, and Jacob came thru for me and got me a possible opening at a networking company. I just have to drop a name, but I'd like to met that person first...before referring to him. Its nice to know that when you are nice and care about people...they do the same in return.

So know its a question of what to do? i'm gonna put my hat in for the UCI deal for sure...and planning on throwing my hat for the networking job too. I would just hate to leave the networking job if the UCI one comes thru. Either way its nice to know I have options...especially when I just found out another friend was recently laid off. =(

i do miss the fact that I'm missing apo events cuz of this night class. Right now missing UCI lil sib revealing. I hear they are a really good group of pledges...hopefully I'll get to meet them soon. Not hearing anything from the other chapters. Gonna try to visit them all again after this night job is done.

Still alive..just hanging on. I'm on week three of this morning and evening ordeal. Still surviving..but looking forward to when it will end. May 16...then the night class ends. I don't forsee myself teaching at Anaheim any longer after this or nights in general.

The interview I scheduled with UCI was moved to Monday next week. I was a bit upset when they cancelled the same day...but then again...what can I do. They seem to be running on their own schedule and not realizing how pressed for a new job I am. My opportunity with Infonet seems to have fallen through..but I wasn't too interested in trekking out to El Segundo anyways. i'll just keep sending those resumes out...and we'll see what happens.

Still busy weekends...but I'm clear for June 2 to go to Davis to see my sister make her State of the Chapter speech. I called my friend to find out if he would be available to cover...to find out that he had just recently been laid-off. Sucks to hear...but he was ok about it. Made me appreciate where I am a bit more. I wish he had told me earlier..so I could schedule him to cover me this Sun..since I'm heading down to SD this weekend to kick it with the Buca crew. You know..ever since that sectionals weekend...we've become really close friends. (fast-friends - APO reference..haha). So Sat will definately be fun. I'll see if I can get my friend to cover for this sunday too....but don't hold your breath.

Broken Hearts

I have lived my life…trying not to hurt anyone…and in turn did my best not to be hurt by anyone. It seems like an ideal situation…but highly unlikely. We all get hurt sometimes…and at times it can hurt a lot.

I was of the mentality that my first relationship would be my last, but that is not always possible. Sometimes we might actually get that lucky...but most of the time we aren’t that fortunate. The idea of meeting the girl of your dreams and not having to worry about anything else was how I imagined my future. To be a family man, there to provide support and stability. The Prince Charming with his white horse, there to sweep someone off her feet and take care of her forever. I guess that belief of support and stability has permeated all my relationships…romantic or friendly. The “rock” who people can turn to in times of need. The person there to ease your pain.

I guess that could be why I never really learned how to date. I meet great people all the time, but I have been very selective on who I show myself…or reveal too much. Especially when it came to romantic relationships, I was extremely careful and extremely selective (note: spark from previous post). Being a confidant to many people due to break-ups, I hated to think that I may do that to someone. So many times, I may notice or feel people may actually like me…but I pretend to ignore it unless I could reciprocate the feelings. Call me rude...maybe I am…but ignorance can be bliss at times. I would hate for someone to feel that I was just leading her on…if I didn’t have any serious intentions with her. Especially after seeing people shattered by relationships… I’d rather be thought of as stupid than a heart breaker. I guess that is also failing on my part as well, as it prevents me from really trying to get to know someone else.

But now I’ve come to believe that it could be good to have your heart broken. That sucks to hear…but many things happen with that understanding. There is no great pleasure without great pain. For anything to be of value it…there has to be a risk. If not, it just wouldn’t be worth the effort. In each attempt at relationships…you learn more about yourself, what you want in life…as well as what you never truly appreciated about someone else. I won’t lie…it can hurt…and it will hurt really badly. Just take and learn from it …be thankful you have family/friends (mantha, buca, countless others) there for you no matter what. Just remember in the end…that even thru all the pain it takes to get there…love is worth it.
-excelsior-

you know…it always has to come back to relationships. I'd have to say when you think about the important things in life...personal relationships has to be really high up there. Whether it be family or romantic...in order for us to survive with any sort of sanity...we must have human contact.

My romantic escapades pretty much stopped after my break up. Sadly that happened back in '97. It had always been really hard to put myself out there for anyone. I have always been a continuous support to all my friends...but I never really opened up my heart to anyone else. I didn't feel alone. I had my friends around me...but just not that "special someone".

I can't really describe who or when this "person" will enter my life. Sadly I'm a die-hard romantic…caught up in the movie version of finding that someone...and just knowing then and there...that this was the one. I can't believe that after watching all those movies and listening to all those love songs...that there isn't someone out there just to make my heart melt. She has to possess that certain something that certain spark. Remember Jerry Maguire and the kwan. It wasn't about the money...it was something more than that..."It was Rod Tidwell talking about "the Kwan"-his own personal coinage for the combination of love, respect, and money. " Well...the spark is something like that to me. It isn't just about physical beauty, or society's view of it. It has to be all encompassing. The beauty inside. Compassionate, warm, caring...understanding, sympathetic...the type of girl to cry at movies and maybe even some commercials. Creative, intelligent, and willing to stand her ground. somebody. Someone willing to laugh at herself. Someone looking forward to a family. I had always foreseen myself having a family life like the Cosby Show or Home Improvement. Parents that actually interacted with their kids and all in a fun atmosphere. Those are the important things in life. Family and friends…not money or possessions. Am I asking too much?…maybe…but I think I deserve to be.

Well...I've been living in my protected shell for quite some time now. Had particular interest in some girls...those showing potential sparks...but never really followed through or pursued them. I have to give a lot of props to Steve for getting out there into the dating scene and taking chances. I haven't gained enough courage to put my heart out there. Right now…we’ll just have to see what happens.

Oh yeah...if this post wasn't long enough...here's my results of that quiz. They are pretty dead on.

Your view on yourself
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girl/boyfriend you are looking for.
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship.
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love.
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you.
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important; find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success?
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Do not give up when you have not even started yet! Be courageous!

What are you most afraid of?
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self?
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart, rather than your head, needs to solve.

Oh man..I am soo tired. =(. Teaching in Anaheim is ok...students are cool... But I don't think I can do this double shift stuff anymore. I'm done with the material..and I have to sit here and just stare blankly..trying to keep busy. I am actually thinking of taking 6 weeks off of work..to get things together..take a couple classes in java and XML.

I also had an interview today with Infonet. It went ok..but I'm not really counting on it. Funked up on the OSI layer question..and I'm claiming to be a network engineer. Hey I understand it all...but I don't remember all the names. Argg... we'll see next week.

I did get a call today from UCI also. I'll call them back tomorrow to figure out what opportunities they have available. Trying to get ahold of my friend Drew about another opportunity...but can't reach him.

Tired..just tired. -_-

ok...got the archives working...still need to focus on setting up that server. working day and nights sucks.
otherwise things are good. working on a couple posts to come up soon.

Stupid Blogspot..thought it ate the last blogs. Glad it all got through now.
BTW...got cingular now. So anyone that had my old number..its been changed. I'll call you.

Ok...I think that this past weekend deserved its own post. So we get started with Friday night. I get a call from Biggwould to come kick it before the UCI chartering ceremony. He just got his tat (nice one) and was chiln with Grace and John from Rho Pi. I head on over to pick them up and we roll down to Buca Di Beppo. Now if you've never been there before...its definitely an experience. For the 4 of us...a regular serving of Spaghetti and Meatball (according to John - not the size of a softball as described) and Spumoni Ice Cream was enough. Of course the unknown girl that hid under the table next to us made for interesting entertainment...but we still don't really understand what she was doing. Otherwise it was cool just chiln.

We headed out to the hotel (hums the theme to Back to the Hotel - N2Deep)...nah...really to go to the Chartering ceremony. A lil drama going on…but thatz typical APO. My a$$ got the look of death when I clapped at a part when everyone was told not to. Otherwise it was all good. I am really proud of their achievements. So after that…the Buca crew and I were feeling kinda "thirsty"..so we made a run to TGI Fridays. We hit up the Bar and that is where we inducted Emperor John. It was 12:20 so we figured we get started right. Drinks and shots... whatever we could get on the table. I think it was the Shoot the Root when John rose to his emperor status. Everything was cool...Iota Phi came in... My brother wanted to take a shot with me (You still owe me...I may have been buzzed...but I know I didn't take one with you...or did I)..so things were chill..till they cut us off at 1:00am. SUCKS. Well...2 Toyko Tea, shot of goldschlaugher and a shoot the root in about 15 min got me pretty "relaxed". John was another story (haha...). after getting cut off...we proceeded to order some appetizers and chill with everyone.

Woke up on Saturday and went to the conference. Most of the night was spent making gifts for the chartering members. Special thanks to Grace for making/saving that Scooter cup ^_^. The conference was cool. I had a workshop on resume writing. I think it went off well...didn't really have anything prepared. Then again they did put me first thing in the morning. Chilled at throughout the conference. Eventually decided to go off and make a run to South Coast mall so Leah and Cheesy could do some shopping. Prepped for the night…and headed out to banquet. Banquet was cool. The only thing was throughout the evening...I had this sense of nervousness. I usually am pretty comfortable in front of people…and making speeches…but I was working on lack of sleep. But it wasn't just that. I was walking around all nervous…realizing that I was making the keynote speech. So I was formulating all the thoughts in my head...thinking about what I would say and stuff.. and then I got emotional. A lil too emotional. Called out my sis...(thanks mantha)..and just was overwhelmed. It wasn't sadness now...nothing like that. I wasn't nervousness either. It was like a parent would feel when their kids grow up. Sure I knew I'd see them the next day...but still...it was all over. Eyes red…puffy. No good. So after I composed myself a bit...I walked in and got ready. Anita started giving out awards to the sponsor...and I looked at Biggwould and said...I hope I wouldn’t bust into tears up there. Hey I’m human…its just not very manly ^_^. I am really happy with the Rho Rho chapter and really appreciate the gifts that they gave. Not even about the gifts (which I will always cherish)...I was happier that we were all together and got our charter. We proceeded through the night…and had fun the rest of the evening. There were a couple times when I needed to take a walk…but I'm saving that for the next post. (damn...I write like frickn novels.) Overall...it was a fun weekend.

Whatz up? yeah...still alive...well sorta. Just made it through a couple intense weeks...in more ways than one.

Let me begin with the first week of April. Being that I was about to begin my new schedule teaching morning and nights...I decided to visit all my chapters in APO (since I'm the sectional chair for southern cali). Monday night I was at USC for their meeting…and ended the night with UCLA publicizing/spamming for their RUSH events. Tues night was spent at UCI helping prep and stuff for the conference and banquet. Wed night was with UCR at their RUSH info night. Thurs was with UCLA for Broomball (hella tight!). Friday was running around for UCI's Chartering ceremony (congratulations Rho Rho). Saturday was the conference and banquet…which lasted all day but was well worth it. Lastly Sunday (trying to recover from lack of sleep and hour loss) work 7 hours and make it to UCSD for their activation. whew...and you think thatz it? Then I started teaching morning and night.

And you wonder why I do it? Mainly its for the great people, everyone I meet, and seeing friends. I realized how much I missed recruiting/RUSH and learning more about people. It was cool.

breathe…sigh...ok...end this post...start a new one. ^_^

Also...
Enida...Happy Belated Birthday...you can beat me up later. =/ Sorry sweetie. I'll make it up to you

Started playing with Dreamweaver (Will Help please!)...so a new redesign is in the works...so hopefully I can introduce that when I redo the server. Maybe the comment system too. Happy Easter again.

Ok...so tomorrow is Easter. Itz gotten me thinking about stuff. I remember when I was younger… how I always looked forward to this season. Mainly because I love Holy Saturday Mass. This was the coolest mass because the priest would come in with one candle into a darkened church. As he processed in… he would start lighting candles of parishioners. Soon the whole church would be lit up in candlelight. Then the mass would begin. Of course as a lil kid and an alter boy…I would serve the Holy Thursday Mass with the washing of the feet, Holy Friday Stations of the Cross, and end with the Holy Saturday Mass.

So where am I now? Without going too much into my perspective on Religion…I find myself sleeping in on Sundays…not going to mass. Eating meat on Fridays during Lent ( I was even called a devil (jokingly) since I was convincing someone to eat meat too.) I’ve become that closet Catholic that I always looked down on as a child. Why only come to church on Easter and Christmas…what about all the other days?

Well… let me tell you my side of it now. I was definitely a route Catholic. My mother was pretty strict in her upbringing about her faith. I went to Catholic school most of my life…and when there was no Catholic school…I went to a Lutheran one. Mom felt that the only good education was a religious one. I guess she could be right about that one… I still feel moral in my perspective…and feel I “turned out” pretty well. Throughout Catholic elementary and Catholic High School (all boy too – sucks… but sadly that was my choice…stupid classmates/friends), I was at home….so Sunday church was a natural part of life. I may not have wanted to…but I always went. Usually to sleep (in elementary) but after I became an alter boy… I started paying attention. I do still feel a strong connection to Catholic teachings (wow… I even had problems writing that statement)…but maybe not to GOD as much as I did anymore. Well once I got to college… things started to change. I still made it to church…it was something my gf and I made sure we did. But slowly things started to change. We went to church at the Newman Center at UCR… and every year they changed out the priests. That was the kicker ladies and gentlemen. I pinpointed where I lost it.

For me church is about community. So changing the priest… and coming home to St. Bernard’s Parish… and not even recognizing the priests anymore…I lost my sense of community. How could I be in a community of believers when I didn’t even know anyone? I still believe and God, Jesus, and everything… but I talk to them in my own way. I have my own perspectives on religion and feel that living a moral and just life is my best gift of thanks for the life that has been given to me. I don’t believe that when judgment day comes… my diet (eating meat) will come into question (c/o Chris Rock). I hope that my actions on a day to day basis shows the creator that I have lived a good life… and that I thank him/her for it. Sadly though… my nightly prayers have been replaced by passed out exhaustion. My Sunday mornings are used to sleep in, instead of creating a new community with the parish. I go to mass for people (my sister, my cousin) but not for myself. The last time I was moved by the faith…I was watching Robert Schuller from the Crystal Cathedral. Oh well…Happy Easter everyone.

PS...to get my perspective on religion...watch Dogma and the one episode of Different Strokes when Arnold is “trying” out different religions.

Nice! So everything works now...except for the archives right now. The redirects are in place...and that gives me more time to finish up that server. In the meantime...I can tell you what has happen recently.

CEI-College- Ok…for anyone that has misunderstood…I'm not jobless right now...I'm just actively looking for new opportunities. I am still working for CEI in Lake Forest...but am really looking to get back into the field of networking. Only thing is I am working only part-time...and therefore only getting part-time dough. So recently, my supervisor tells me that there is an opening for a Microsoft instructor at the Anaheim location. Now this is dope since Anaheim is only 15min away from my house. The only killer thing is that the position is at night...when I usually do my APO stuff. Teaching night sucks usually...since it kills any social life...but I figure this is a sacrifice I have to make...to hopefully get full time at Anaheim. So starting April 8...I'll be on lock down...Mornings in Lake Forest (8-1pm)...and Nights at Anaheim (6-11pm). Hopefully it will all work out.

HIGHLANDS- So this Friday I went out to a club in LA. Now this wasn't just any ordinary club…but the Highlands in Hollywood. This club is right next door to the famed red carpet and Kodak Theatre. So Friday night was set up as the OSCAR party...supposedly going to be packed with Stars and stuff. So I go down there with my cousin, her coworker, and my coworker. Now the only star I see is the mom from Family Matters...but the Fashion show was dope. So many hotties there, especially in the fashion show. I got some pics…so you’ll just have to wait to see. (plus they came out a bit blurry). I wasn't really looking throughout the night…but my friend tells me she saw the man himself...Mr. Hugh Hefner. We had a fun time anyways...and it was just great. Spent most of the night clowning on this one fool...lets call him Rapper D…who thought he was the shitznit. Biting lines off songs and walking in with a crew... I still don't know if he was anyone famous. But I was soo funked up at the end anyway...it really didn't matter. ^_-

UCI CHARTER Well congratulations are in order for the UCI group of Alpha Phi Omega. Its been a cool two years with these members...and now it has all come to fruition. Recently the review committee approved the application for UCI - Rho Rho's recharter. We are simply waiting the National Board of Directors approval, but UCI is pretty set to get their charter. I've taken a particular interest in this group since I have been with them since the beginning. They are a great group...and have done quite a lot. I'm especially proud of these future brothers. So on April 5, we will be holding the chartering ceremony. I've been asked to make the keynote speech...so now I have to think of something...but it won't be too hard. ^_^

Hum...well..setting up that server isn't that easy. Still learning some of the configurations and such. I was debating on 100megsfree.com or digitalrice.com...to temporarily host Behind the Smile..

So rather than keep changing the URL..I'm going to run on Blogspot...until I set up that server. PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE any of your links right now. I'm adjusting the redirect to link here at blogspot...and I'll let you know as soon as the new server is up. Until then the redirect should lead you there...if not click on this link ^_^

Took out the reblogger script...tired of seeing those errors. Going to add a comment system later...may add the same one as milly, sam and christina. Also added biggwould to the link list. Haven't seen Diana update in a while...so I will add her and others when I do the redesign. Really need to learn more HTML.

Status on the Server: Its basically built. AMD 400. RAM: Need to get a 128 stick. HDD: OS 6GB, Storage 2x 7.5GB. I'm gonna run a couple webpages off it. Primarily for the school. Mandrake 7.0.2 running Apache. Now I just need to test it before going live. (crossed fingers...lets see if I can get this done before Geocities stops my blogging...cutting it close 4-1-02)

Any suggestions or recommendations from anyone else who is doing this...email me please. Thanks.

Hey...things are looking good now. Although I started sending my resumes out again, on Wednesday I decided to walk around my local area...and simply drop off my resume at the offices. Cerritos is in a great area, near major freeways and quite a number of corporations…so the potential was good. I had a pretty warm reception at Delta Dental and EDS...which is walking distance from my house. Itz just a matter of time (I hope).

The cool thing is I got this email from a website I signed up for long time ago. Ok…Ok…I’ll admit it. I’m a geek. Especially when it comes to computer… itz a title I can live with….especially if it means a FREE CRUISE.

On 3/22/02 at 1:16 AM, (Ray Warriner) wrote:
> I would like to know more about which cruise I have qualified for.
I probably could get you on .NET Nirvana, too ...
.......................
Neil R. Bauman, Captain & CEO
Geek Cruises (www.GeekCruises.com)
A Division of Int'l. Technology Conferences, Inc.
1430 Parkinson Avenue, Palo Alto, CA 94301

First I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to reply…figured it may be spam in my account…as usual. But boy… this is looking a lot better. ^_^
Now I have to decide which one to choose. I think I’d go with the .Net or Linux…both of them are in the Caribbean. Hee hee

I wanted to set up the comment system and get people's opinion on this...but I'll wait till I create the new server. In the meantime...if you want to give me a suggestion...mail me at ray_misc@hotmail.com.

Every week I see her...I just think of her more and more...but this week Kristin Kreuk shot up to number one on the wife's list after tonite's episode of Smallville. WOW..when good girls go bad. Now for us to just meet....

Really good episode for all the actors. I loved how Jonathan Kent was playing the Dukes of Hazzard theme song before he was run off the road....classic.

Oh yeah...Who the master!! (sho nuff). So today I got that apache server working..Virtual hosting and all. So ray's website will be coming up soon. Actually..gotta test FTP configurations before going live. I also have to get Verizon to move the DSL line.

I've also officially decided to make the major life change. I started sending out resumes to everywhere.hawaii, texas, virginia, ny, new jersey...who knows. Whatever comes up first. Cali is my life..but I figure a job in Hawaii for a year couldn't hurt too much. ^_^

What is it about Age?

I was sitting online yesterday chatting with a college friend and we were just catching up. Talking about anything and everything, we eventually get to the topic of relationships. We were talking about where we meet people, and she made me realize that since the bulk of my activities involve APO...I tend to hang around college students the most.

(personal monologue)Now personally...age is nothing but a number to me. While growing up, I always favored my older cousins that would always spend time and play games with us...even though we were sometimes a decade apart in age. For me, I always remain true to myself and stay young at heart. Sometimes I even forget my age. It really bugs me at times when people make an issue of it. I look more at maturity and how one handles themselves.(/personal monologue)

So my friend Kathy comes down from Stockton for her spring break tour. Disneyland is one of her stops, so that give me the opportunity to see her again. Since she’s APO...we decide it would be cool to get the UCI members to come out…to hang out. So we decided to go to Downtown Disney. It was when that changed to Dave and Busters that I realized that just about everyone in UCI petitioning group is under 21. I’d have to say I have been spending most of my time with the UCI group...but I didn’t even realize that some of the people I have been hanging out with the most…were under 21. Again… it didn’t make a difference to me…but I just didn’t realize it.

Fast forward to the next day…at my work’s graduation ceremony. There I get comments that I look too young to be an Instructor and usually get mistaken as one of the students who are graduating that day.

So I don’t know… Just being me…no matter how old I am.

Resumes are being sent out.

People tell me to take the Hawaii job..but I am not really sure about that one. I figure cost of living is pretty high down there and there is only so much you can do on an island. Tourism is their biggest industry..but what would you think if you lived there and saw it all..everyday.I might see about doing it for a year maybe...so I'm going to apply anyways. Never know...could meet my Baywatch beauty of a wife out there. Lotta cuties out there ^_^

Hey everybody....I know its been sometime since the last update...so here's a couple things to mention.

1. Got Apache? - Got the webserver running in a test environment. Now gotta test to see if I can learn how to host the pages on it. BTW...Tried to do it with Red Hat...3 times. With Mandrake...first try. I'll figure that one out when I have more time.

2. Been really busy working at CEI and plus I started working Sundays at CSULA. Add to that I'm the network consultant for my old elementary school...so my plate of duties is quite full. Sadly I still feel that I need to find a more stable job and something I can enjoy more....which leads me into "3."

3. Virginia, Hawaii, or Anaheim? I've been sending out Resumes for sometime now..but with this economy..things haven't been great. Mostly half-heartedly, I'm just seeing what is out there. If I really feel pressured..the I'll push even more. With that in mind, I did get an email from Northrop Grumman. Itz a government support company just like the one I was working for prior to CEI. They are interested in me primarily due to my security clearance, but for whatever reason it may be...this is a genuine opportunity. Initially, they felt I may fit in a position in Virginia. The recent email stated that they have some opportunities in Hawaii and in a few weeks in Anaheim. So I've come to this crossroad in my life to try to determine where I want to be. Traveling is interesting..but do I really want to leave everything here behind?

oops...gotta get back to class...I'll write more later.

OK..thats freaky...
I was just checking the referring URLs to this blog..guess what
If you look up filipino superstition, dreams about death - you get me =/

Update....I emailed her..and she emailed back. Left my number..but we'll have to see what happens.
Only thing is she didn't show up to the Rededication. Oh well.=(

PS..
Nextel is pissing me off. Any suggestions on other services. (Damn I wish reblogger still worked )
Geocities is pissing me off too...stopping my FTP (free) service..therefore ending my blog... But Fear not...I'm looking at alternatives and other hosting options. ^_^. Time to learn Apache.and Linux

Err...so disappointed. Did you know when a company says they will keep your resume "on file" for a year or so...the don't really mean it.

I had applied at CSULA for an Information Tech position last year. I got the confirmation letter but was never called in for an interview. Of course the letter said they would keep the application on file for 3 years in case anything came up. Well yesterday I found the letter..and decided to call them. Obviously they had already filled the position...so I asked if there were any other Tech positions open. She then proceeds to tell me that since November, two other Infomation Tech positions had opened and now intereviewing. I asked.."Since my resume was on file...was I also applied to those positions?" she said no. I would still have to apply individually for each one.

So honestly? Whats the point in keeping the resume..if you don't look at it anyway? So for all those fellow job hunters out there...just keep applying.

Oh man..I'm feeling soo giddy....

I'm heading to UCR this week for the rededication ceremony for Alpha Phi Omega, the service fraternity that I still participate in. This week my home chapter of UCR has invited a number of alumni from the chapter to come back and rededicate themselves to the principles of the fraternity. Its all cool since I was probably going to head out there anyway..but now I'm usually giddy because I found out that one particular alumni that I had a crush on may possibily be there. (blush). Its been a few years since I've seen her..but DAMN...she was (hopefully still)...sooo cute. Now we'll have to see if I'll be able to talk to her when I get there. I found an email address..so I may send up that warm up intro... (to make sure the first time I see her isn't too wierd...but now comes the awkward phase.)

if/when I see her..will I be able to say anything? Yeah I can talk to people...speak in front of groups..but honestly..when I get near someone I'm particularly attracted to.....I shut down. It seems to happen to the best of us... Fear of rejection.. intimidation...low self esteem. Hey I'm fairly confident about my skills...work...dealing with people...etc.. But when it comes to starting a relationship...or even dating...I clam up. Hopefully I'll figure what to do by Friday...^_^

Especially for all the Filipinos in the house (or if you know Filipinos)...thanks to Kathy. The comedy of mr rex navarrete

I was going to blog a long message about this week...but I think I'm just going to sleep. This has been quite a busy week and I find that once I start writing I tend to write a lot. So just to let everyone know...I'm still alive. This week has been quite and experience...and I still have a picnic to deal with tomorrow...just to finish the week and my sanity off. =/

So...gonna write more later...and still have a lot to do. Be back for more details. =)

Ahh..Valentines Day. Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. You would think that I would actually look forward to this day...namely because I find myself to be more of the romantic type...but lately...it..like other holidays..seem to just pass by without particular notice. Don't get me wrong..I'm all about moonlight seranades, candle light dinners, romantic locations... But it obviously doesn't have much impact without that special someone in your life. And I definately miss having someone =/.

Otherwise..Things are great. The eyesight is terrific. I find myself reaching for my face occasionally, forgetting that there are no glasses to adjust or remove. Still a little blurry on somethings...but I've been told that it's all still part of that healing process. Going in for an exam today to check things out. Really this has given me a new outlook on life. The recent post (1/31/02) about moving on in relationships...and now this new self-confidence from the lasiks have given me a new motivation to succeed. I am still working at the school at part-time, but I am keeping myself busy consulting for my old elementary school as well as possibly a law firm. At the same time, I've stepped up my motivation to look for a new full time job.

I need to get back into my workout routine...but lately I've been pretty happy just playing Basketball with UCI. After a couple meetings, I headed out with some of the members (both guys and girls) and we've been playing a couple pick-up games. It's been fun. Likely going to be playing again on Fri. ^_^

So relationship wise...still single...not really looking as hard as I was before. I'm of the belief that when it happens...it will be when you least expect it.... (sadly its just been tooo long...damn =p ). I'm definately open to possibilities... (hahah...even thought of the show Blind Date...some of those guys are hopeless). The scary thing is I was joking with my cousin and checking out some personals on match.com. I sent out this one personal to some friends online...thinking I would hear (Ray...don't take this route...you'll find someone...you don't need personal ads). Instead...I hear...(maybe...your should try.) I guess it doesn't fall into my romantic perceptions of love to find it thru internet personals....but I don't discount it as a possibility.=P Oh well...we'll see when love hits ^_^.

You know...I thought about it later...and wondered why I even made those previous posts. The lasik one was ok..but the sexual harassment one was a little out there. I question myself why I made it public knowledge....but then I realize that of the people I know that read this...I would have told them about it anyway. Also I realize that blogging (although my posts are intermittant) have been a tool for me to keep up with people. I find myself every morning checking all the blogs on my list...just to see how people are doing and if they have posted something new. So I guess it has become a part of my life.

Now for the second story....good news but a bit scary. I suggest you read the bad news (previous post) first...so at least you can end in a good note.

Monday, I'm going under the knife. After thinking about it for the longest time, I am going to get lasik surgery done. I've been wearing glasses now since the 1988. This will be a big change for me. I did my research and have many friends this particular field. I've heard all the success stories...as well as the disasters. Actually..its rather interesting...a while back..when I was deciding to do the surgery...fox news ran a story about lasik disasters. I mean...come on now...these are your eyes. You mess them up...it will drastically change your life. When your looking for lasik surgery..don't let price be your only concern. So going back..I was watching this news segment on lasik...and how some people had actually come out with worse vision after the surgery. So of course this made me wary. The good news is that the doctor that "corrected" these vision disasters is the doctor that will be performing my surgery ^_^. So I'm really happy about that.

So ... Monday is the day.. I'm looking forward to it with fear and excitement. I made it thru the check up and was told I am an ideal candidate. Even with all these re-assurances ... it still is an operation. The process will be about an hour..and I have full vision that same day. So when I SEE you again...it will be without glasses.

here is an article with some risks indicated...but it does have a cool flash animation showing the procedure.

OK..bad news first...Beware...this is a bit graphic and disgusting.

As most of you know I'm a teacher of networking technology. I teach Microsoft Networking (MCSE) courses at a vocational school. My students range from kids right out of high school to adults going through a retraining or career change. I've been teaching for the past year and things between my students and me have always been great. I treat my students as equals...as opposed to the traditional teacher (knows everything) - student (knows nothing) relationship. Well this past week has been a little traumatic.

So I have this one student in class. Older man in his thirties, a bit quirky, but overall displaying a desire to learn. One of those overgrown nerd types. Well on Tues, I'm helping this student out with some problems on a worksheet. As I'm sitting next to him, I realize that he is a bit on display. (Remember that friends episode about phoebe's boyfriend … yeah...that one). So I ignore it and concentrate on the worksheet. Of course I'm embarrassed...but I also didn't want to embarrass him. I finish helping him solve a problem, and tell him to try the rest at home.

Next day (Wed), still working on subnetting problems in class. (Many people have problems with it). Fast forward to the end of class, I find myself helping him out again. This time I'm working the problems out on the board while he has moved to the seat in the front. Well...I SEE him again … yes… embarrassing again. This guy really has to get some pants ... sheesh. This time I strategically use my podium to block my view and concentrate on the problem. I felt I really should say something to him...but how do you tell someone that? Hey...please put on some pants! So I hoped that this wouldn't be a regular occurrence and finished what I had to do and went home.

Thursday, I get to work and am asked to call this student. I call the number to hear that he has some car problems and that he won't be in class today. I tell him that it will be ok and to take care of his car. He also says that he has something to apologize to me about something. I wasn't sure what it could be (I had a good idea) ... but I told him I wasn't offended by anything and not to worry. Again I tell him to just take care of his car and I would see him the next day.
Now...I'm thinking...I'll wait till he "apologizes" to find out what he thought he did. I would be really weird if I said..."everything is ok ... just wear pants next time"...just to find out he wanted to apologize about cutting me off during lecture or something ... so I play stupid and wait to see what happens.

Friday comes along and my student shows up. During a break, my student decides to apologize to me for what he did on Wednesday. I told him that I didn't know what he was talking about so I guess everything is ok. So he says...
****ATTENTION...NEXT SECTION IS NASTY AND DISGUSTING...READ WITH CAUTION...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED****
So he says..."so you didn't see me playing with myself during your lecture?"
OH MY GOD..WHAT THE FUCK??? Shocked I said.."What?"
he replies "so I guess if you didn't see me I have nothing to apologize for."
Still in shock..."Um..well..I appreciate the apology...but I think you should keep that to yourself. I don't want to embarrass you or anything...so I'm just going to keep this between us."
He says ok...and I somehow get through the rest of class.
After that moment...things start flashing to me. I remembered how he asked me on Tues how old I was and if I was married. Then I started wondering if he was thinking about me while he was...well you know. UGHHH...still...UGHHH. While I was writing on the board..all I could think of is if he was thinking about me while I was lecturing. If he was also "pleasuring" himself in the back of class....I was so disgusted. I started to get this sick feeling in my stomach. So class finishes...and I am still reeling from the shock. I remembered that another instructor in the previous year was sexually assaulted by a student. The other student pinned the instructor to the wall and attempted to undo his pants. I thought to myself...FUCK that...if he comes close...I'm throwing punches.

With the student gone...I decided to talk to my supervisor. I realize I can be very forgiving of people...but I didn't want to have to explain the whole story to someone if it came to a fight. I informed my supervisor of the past events and that I was willing to let it go since there was only three weeks left in the course. As I was talking to the instructor (behind closed doors)...we began to realize more and more how abnormal this behavior was. At this same time...the student passes by the window of the supervisor's office. Oh shit...now this is getting freaky. We figure that he was walking out for the day and continue to talk about it. We had been talking for over an hour. The supervisor made me feel a little better and we decided that the school will talk to him on Monday. The likelihood is that he will be removed from school. I was relieved and start walking back to my classroom to get my stuff. My supervisor decides to walk with me on the slim chance that the student would still be there. I wasn't concerned..but we walked anyways. He supposedly signaled me..but a little to late....since as I open the door to the classroom..I find the student in there. OH FUCKING SHIT...what is going to happen now? My supervisor had walked away from the classroom, hoping I would follow..but instead I walked in.

So there I am, in an awkward situation with this student in front of me. He is thanking me for not saying anything and keeping it between us. I tell him...um yeah..I didn't want to embarrass him. He says ok..I'll wear pants more often...and if he wears shorts again...he'll try to keep IT in. I try to keep him at ease while I'm standing there panicking. Of course...during this whole time I'm freaking out.... I'm thinking...oh shit...he has been waiting in this room for me the whole time. He's checking to see if I said anything (since I was in the supervisor's room). And now I'm alone in this room. Where the fuck is my supervisor? and am I really stuttering while I'm talking to him? why is he walking closer to me? Finally this whole thing is over and he walks out.

My supervisor comes in with the technician, as the student is walking out. Great..my savior (sarcastic). He sits in the classroom with me for a while..as I become concerned that the student might be still outside. Now I'm really freaked. I'm looking all around while I'm getting into my car. Calling my work making sure that they don't give out my home number or address. Wondering what going back to work would be like...since the student may feel I betrayed him. There are no guards at me school so there would be nothing preventing him from just walking back into my class. If anything happens, I know my other students will be there... I'm just hoping that it doesn't get to that level. Some people are just sick. I'm just worried on what he may do next. Just have to get my mind off it...(Think happy thoughts..think happy thoughts).

Still thinking of the redesign...but have a couple other things to think about. Some major life changing things...so I think I'll post them as two seperate entries. One good and one not so good. Personally, I'm ok about everything now. Still looking for that new job..but otherwise things are ok. I finally broke a 1,000 hits...guess there are people out there reading this. ^_^