Ended up taking the day off work today to do some unfortunate car repair. Stupid pot hole on my street finally killed my left suspension. Anyways, that early morning start gave me the chance to do a number of things today.
1. Fix car suspension
2. Get 60,000 mile tune up (can u believe my car is 250,000 miles!!..geez)
3. Lunch with my sister and walking the mall.
4. Dental appt for teeth cleaning
5. Cool speaker series at Disney with some Imagineers
6. Watched Madagascar

ok...its late and work tomorrow.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
Activity: Lots - See above
Reading: almost done with Zen garden book. Good ideas.

Time to think...
..actually bored off my ass. Been really quiet at work and would rather be at home doing something productive.
The last few posts have been short mainly because

1. My internet connection went down this weekend...and spent much time to bring it back up.

2. Dad and I were gonna work on projects around the house...but oddly enought everytime he comes over..we re-work the plan and end up not doing it. Instead we went to Ikea and Outback. (hmmmm....outback special).

3. When i posted those updates..i was tired. Long busy days.

Anyways...now i have time to update.

a) Trying to read up on these Zen gardens...and hoping that if i go with it my house doesn't become the neighborhood kitty litter.

b) Played Texas Hold'em for the first time with my cousins and Tony and his cousins. Never played before but definately fun learning it.

c) Watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Cool movie...and u can definately see the chemistry there. Angelina is HOTTT.


Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
Activity: Raked and leveled yard, terminated ants around the house, set up ultimate tv wire =p
Reading:probably a garden book. Its actually starting to come out ok.

Garage sale is over..and i think i picked up most of the stuff. Funny thing happens when my dad comes over to help me work on a project...overall though today was just kick back.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
Activity: shopping at IKEA
Reading: Books on Japanese Zen Gardens (thanks rozelle)

much to write about..besides having internet widthdrawals this afternoon. Still need to fix it a bit..so i'll possibly write later.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
Activity: PMX meeting, Yard Sale and watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Good movie)
Reading: nothing right now.

Went clubbing with coworkers in Hollywood tonite *CLUB SHELTER*. The experience was so so...just cool hanging with friends. Surrounded by pretentious people and gawkers made me realize more how much i love people who are real and true. Just be yourself...not what you think people want you to be. So what if i looked foolish dancing by myself most of the nite (wasn't able to get a wing girl)....i didn't care really. For the most part it was just a fun nite with friends. (and a lot of cigarette smoke)*cough*

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0 (mostly been warming up the shoulders)
Activity: Clubbing
Reading: Gonna sleep - Yard Sale tomorrow.

the day just dragged today. When i woke up this morning, i just want to stay in bed. Lunch took forever and eventually i was able to leave work. I did get to go to the open house and it was fun. Lots of little kids and a bunch of fun activities (balloons, tug-of-war, face painting) Left a bit early but was able to finally clean up my front lawn a bit. Got a call from Martin and reminded my how i'm not alone...and how my friends are always there for me. (that and i actually talked with my lil sib enida and katrina from UCR that afternoon as well).

I need to work on my spiders.
.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
Activity: Open house and cleaning up the yard
Reading: Real Estate book (last nite too...holding off on hobbit adventures)

skipped hip hop class and instead went to dinner with family. Probably a good thing with the shoulder pain. Definately gonna start warm up and stretches before getting into exercise (even pushups). Funny...since i hardly prep for much. Guess i always thought it was a waste of time. Even doing 1st, 2nd drafts of papers...hated that. I tended to do my papers the day or usually nite before and pulled it off in time. Guess i work better under pressure. I wouldn't say i rushed into things...since i usually approach everything with caution and worry...but some things i just went with.
Well..gonna hang out with some elementary school kids tomorrow nite with my friend Susan. She teaches at a school near my house. Hopefully get to do some face painting =). That will be fun.
Oh yeah..my good news. Got a call about the TV..and finished the Hobbit. My aunt and I figured out the best way to arrange my bedroom as well. Things are going well. =)

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-Ups: 0
Activity: Dinner with family.
Reading: The Fellowship of the Ring

My shoulder hurts. I remember as a child how "cool" i was when i would swing my right arm in a clockwise fashion real quick. I think those times have caught up with me. I remember about a year ago i strained my right shoulder during the office move..and found that i actually had a case of bursitis. Well...painful as it is..least it wasn't a torn rotator cuff. I'm going to start stretching..and alternate the workout each day (in fact rest every so often).

Skipped the gym today so i could rest and work on the network. Figured out how i wanted my room, so hopefully i can get some help to move the bed.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0
Push-Ups: 0
Activity: Angie's bday gathering at Lucky Baldwins.
Reading: The Hobbit - hopefully finishing it tonite.

Quite a busy day. Woke up to do more moving to storage (with alfred, tony and even John) and afterwards made it to work. While i was there decided to keep on this workout mode and try to make it to the gym. Knowing that i never make it out from work at any stable time, I figured that the best thing for me to do is to go in the afternoon as my lunch break. So today i spent a good 30 minutes on the treadmill running at various speeds--and walking at times. Gave me the sensation of playing soccer again. (I need to update my mp3 selection or download movies in english.) After that got back to work and continued to work till i went to a coworkers place to watch the Heat lose =/. Oh well... I think i've found a new player to follow in Dwayne Wade...and definately hoping the Heat go far next year.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 40
Push-Ups: 40
Activity: Afternoon Gym and Pistons-Heat game.
Reading: The Hobbit

First nite on the new bed not too bad. Still thinking of how i want to arrange everything. Need to start updating the workout schedule, so gonna try for afternoon gym visits and no more late nite eating. Watched Alfred's game today..so hoping to get back into Basketball as well. Their team kicked ass...really good game. Spent the rest of the afternoon with my dad and just had some quality time. Granted that was sleeping thru Star Wars 3...but yeah..it was good.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 40
Push-Ups: 40
Activity: Movie with Dad.
Reading: The Hobbit

Too tired to really say something tonite. Its been a long day, but needless to say...lots of stuff done in the house. Planters were cleared out, lawn was sprayed with grass killer, Bedroom set was delivered (still short a sofa table), hours at Home Depot...ending with a fundraiser for Asian Women and finally a visit to the 24 hour walmart with Alfred and Brenda (for bedsheets). Time to test the new bed. =)

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 0 /edit - 20
Push-ups: 0/edit - 20
Activity: Yardwork and lifting aunts boxes.

This post is dedicated to my Auntie Poyche. She's been a good friend and confidant for me since my move back to Monterey Park, especially since she lives just across the street. Many times i come home and join her for dinner or she comes over to watch movies. Through it all she (as well as my other aunt and cousins near by in Montebello) reminds me of the family feelings i had growing up on this block. Well...thanks to my aunt and her powers of persuation, the furniture i ordered in the beginning of May will hopefully/finally get delievered tomorrow. The store said two weeks, but kept getting delayed. My aunt asked is she could call...and next thing you know, we have a delievery time for 12-3pm. That plus the fact she helped me put up my framed art yesterday and helped clean up some of the planters make me realize how lucky i am.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 20
Push-ups: 20
Activity: Golf at the Driving Range and even Tennis in one nite...with coworkers.

The song for class last nite was "Dont cha" and don't cha believe that the warm up stretches were killing me. I think i did better with the 50 Cent song...but abs are definately hurting this morning. Most of the day was prepping for my big music announcement. For those that don't know i'm the Division Head for Music at Pacfic Media Expo. Its a convention designed to celebrate asian and asian american media and culture (including pop culture). Anyways, I was brought in to help organize the music division. In this experience, I've also expanded my appreciation for music...specifically live music. My announcement today...the first two bands for the concerts.





I actually met the lead guitarist (Carlo) at a Tsunami Victims benefit concert (that he organized) and we've been good friends since then. To use an APO phrase...we became fast friends. Its funny how his girlfriend and my friend Sam clicked even better than we did. Anyways, he's a center piece of both bands...and watching him play (as well as other live acts) have actually been a nice change from the radio. Sometimes i can't tell if its a 50 cent song, or the Game...or 50 and the Game...or why i hear their songs all the time. Well..he's offered to give me guitar lessons...so we'll see. Right now i think i'll start with keyboard/piano. We've joked that we may start a R&B band...or something i can sing to =p.
Oh well..wrote a lot. I'll save the rest for tomorrow.

Day Recap
Sit-ups: 20
Push-ups: 20
Activity: Watching Blade 3 with Alfred. Hanging framed art in living room.

Sometimes you just got to go with what you feel...

Welcome June and somewhat return to the world of blogging. In this past hiatus...i haven't buried myself too deep into my hole...but i did have a lot to think about. Its unfortunate how i tend to rely too much on this website to keep my communication lines open. It works for the most part...but i've been lacking on the person to person touch.

Anyways...trying to get off my ass and get things done. Trying to experience life more, rather than sitting in front of the TV or computer too much. Got quite a few things done..which i will announce later. Trying to do at least one physical activity each day...to keep life interesting. I'll prob log it each day here...with some sort of thought for the day.

As far as the title...it relates to my recent perspective on life and actually my new activity for Wednesdays. I decided to join a group of my coworkers in a hip hop class, taught at his apartment complex. Last week was 50 Cent - "Just a lil bit". While the class was taught based on counts...i found it easier to follow based on the lyrics of the song...and matching it according to that. It was fun...just going with flow. Not being too serious about it..my coworkers and I just did our best to follow and enjoy learning the moves (geez...headrolls and drop it like its hot). I've hesitated a number of times in my life..and its cost me at times...but now i'm just gonna stop stressing about things and see where it leads me.

Along those lines, Thanks to everyone that came out to celebrate my birthday with me (friday nites party and family picnic on Sat). I've had quite a number of events that were just relaxing with good people (Nick's bbq, Brenda's bday and Universal Studios with Alfred and Brenda) . Thanks all for those times. Congrats as well to my brother and sister for making thru Fanime Con. Good Luck Nick in Iraq.

Day Recap
push ups: 20
sit ups: 20
activity: Hip Hop dance class.

We finally spoke to each other...and a real conversation....least its a start. I find myself in the inverse of my first relationship....this time i have lost myself.

elephant love...how appropriate.

goodbye 29....hello 30.
good times last nite with good friends.
Spending today with good family.
I truly am lucky.

Its been a year....

Early this May...i acknowledge a year of ownership of my house. Some minor changes (home audio system, hammock, punching bag). Some major changes (Replacement of half the windows, washing machine/dryer, roommate and now non-roommate). Major neglect in the landscaping area...and my clothes still look like they are on sale at a flea market. House seems to be much like me...still a work in progress...still finding its design.

Looking at my goals...haven't really accomplished much.

1. I will wake up early (defined at at least 7am). - Still waking up like 8:30-9- sometimes 10am.
2. I will restart my exercise program (well..start should be a better word) - I stretched today..now my knee hurts - geez
3. I will have my house in a presentable state by my birthday/anniversary of house purchase (May 2005) - Not gonna happen. Maybe i'll be in better position next year to celebrate.
4. I will focus more at work and get things in order there. - Almost there. 75%
5. I will find a way to afford my house. - Still working on that.
6. I will set up my personal website (thanks to help from clint) - developed more skills, but no site yet.
7. I will take my dermatology medication - about 75%
8. I will find time to have my coco pebbles in the morning. - I finished 4 boxes.
9. I will have a japanese bathhouse style bathroom. - Future goal. Work on current house first.
10. I will have time to just sit...and stare...and just breathe. - Someday...

Finally bought a bedroom set, so no more 3 for $10 shirts on the floor.

*muted*

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to ryhme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find

You and I collide

Howie Day - Collide

Ironic how this provided the perfect theme music to reading her blog. I love the way music at times can so easily express your feelings, when words fail to do the task.

I took the day off work yesterday and took stock of my life. I visited my grandmother, who i haven't seen in over a few years now. Surprisingly i knew exactly how to get there...even past the triumphant palm trees that mark her street at Rose Hills. As i kneeled there looking at her headstone... i just calmed myself...and took it all in. Death....life.... thousands of markers surrounding me...last reminders of people's lives. My grandmother was an extraordinary woman. Raising her family, transplanting to the US, caring for me as a child. She smelled of coffee and rice (i swear i think that was her favorite)...and always with a "toospic" in her mouth. Everytime the ice cream man drove down the street...i would rush to her for a dollar to get candy or a glider...and she always gave me one. Every afternoon from school, we would always have merienda...always something tasty to eat. She taught me tagalog..without any word of english. She taught me to manong..and respect my elders. She taught me the importance of family...all of us in that house...all happily together.

I then walked to my uncle Al. I remembered how he would always visit us at Monterey Park. His "miho/miha" whenever he would see us. I remember how he looked after me after my first communion and how we all had brunch together. I remember many times that he asked me to look out for his kids. I promised i would...and want to keep that promise.

Then i went to visit my auntie Phine. I never really knew my aunt and uncle....but i see them..in there son john. He lives with my aunt across the street. "Beloved wife an mother...who's joy in life was making others happy." - adorns her headstone. I don't doubt it. I'm very proud of John. My aunt and I joined him at Holy Thursday mass yesterday..which is prob the first time i've done that in quite a number of years. He and his girlfriend will be going throught confirmation on Holy Saturday, completing his christian training.

After mass i tried my first hand at cooking something creative. Chicken and mushroom over spaghetti. My aunt and John both said it was tasty..but i think they are biased. We sat and watched Garden State.

I'm glad i was able to take the time away to just collect my thoughts and simply breathe. There are many things on my mind right now...things that people need to figure out....family away in the Philippines...issues with AX...tasks with PMX....and top that all off with work. But when you look at those headstones...you have to think....is it all really worth it. I walked past soldiers of WWII and korea....mothers.....fathers.....sons...daughters. Each made a contribution in their life..and to the world around them. We may not all see it...but it was important in their experience. Guess like they said in Garden State....its just life...and its all that we have. Appreciate it while you have it...and effect your own level of change. In anyway...just sit and admire the beauty that is around you.

-excelsior

i heart you

girl: hmm.. let's see...
girl: young man in his late 20s with a house and a stable job.
girl: educated.. bilingual...
girl: independent...
girl: tall...
girl: so what's the problem?
ray: (white and handsome)
ray: ur missing out on the best part hunny
ray: =p

yeah...so i don't know what the problem is.

Simple equal Simpleton?

Maybe its rap music or too much TV =p....but i've come to really question my own level of intelligence. I guess i've been taking it too easy lately. One of the factors for this questioning occured when i was home one weekend. I told my father that the vet indicated that cube needed to get spayed...in which my sister quickly corrected me saying...."you mean neutered...not spayed". Part of me thought...what is the difference...both terms identify the same thing...where for cats is spaying and dogs its neutering. The end result is to make them biologically incapable of reproducing. My word choice was not a big deal to me, for i knew that my father as well as my sister knew exactly what i meant. Of course, it would be a big difference for cube =p.

Thing is...i've really let myself go. I guess i could ask...when have i even tried?

Throughout my life...things have been "given/handed" to me. My parents provided for our family and did whatever they could for us children. Education was something my parents valued and they felt they sent us to the best schools (crazy how schools are lately). I took AP courses...and also had 2 years of "office Aid". My most challenging class....humm....maybe History. Least i liked the subject and the teacher pushed me. Course that was the only AP test i got a 4 on.

Even when i applied to High school and eventually college...i didn't even worry if i was going ot make it or not. I tried for 4 UCs..and got into the 3 i expected...not UCLA but wasn't expecting that anyways (come on..UCLA as a bio major at the time-almost impossible). I've lived in a little bubble...keeping myself afloat...and staying on top without much effort. I'm watching March Madness lately just to see a good basketball game...but i have no clue where these schools are or what their challenges are. I hardly read in college and was able to pull multipage papers last minute, but it wasn't crap work...i just work well under pressure. I can pull out concepts..without focusing on details. I can still explain Glycolosis to you...but i don't know the names of each enzyme.

Personally..i dont believe there is anything i can't accomplish. I was faced with a significant charge to mow/clean the overgrown lawn in the backyard...but instead worked for 4 hours clearing out the area. I somehow figured out and saved enough to buy myself a home at age 28. I have a good job..supportive family...and friends all around. It is a good life...and i'm happy in it...but could there be more.

i find i am capable of inspiring people. Its not that they want to be like me...but more so that when i talk to them..they want to be better people themselves. Thing now is...how can I inspire myself. What do i have to do to challenge myself?

I have become stagnate. I've accepted myself and kept to this idea of life. Ambitions, desires, wants are at a lull. I'm "happy" with what i have. It leads to a life of contentment...or does it really? If i was content...why would i be writing about changing things...or wanting something different...or more.

I've become too tied down to the material things around me. I've forgotten the people that love me and are around me. I have cousins, neices, nephews that i don't even know of...and at times even the ones that are minutes away from me. I can tell you what happens in a I Love Lucy episode, but not know who the Secretary of defense is. I can give you an opinion on most things..but i don't feel as if i am a whole person. My life has become the ugly cycle of work, home, sleep.

The final days of Febuary had a number of life changing events for me. It inspired me to really look at myself and change things that i didn't like. That desire to change hasn't stopped...but has now expanded. I've listed my Goals on the side...i think i need to add somemore. I want to work towards something. Even if i can't figure out what yet...i want that challenge. I want to better myself. I've gone too long being simple...that i have become a simpleton.

Edit - I have to start focusing on even my language. I'll try to stay away from AOL shorthand.

Pub Crawl in Old Town Pasadena this St. Patty's day (Thur).
contact me if your interested.



yeah..i'll blog again soon...but had to get that announcement out =p

ok...so the 7am wake up call isn't going as planned. More like 9am actually. I blame that on the electric blanket...humm....warrm.

anyways things have been going well. I feel very accomplished as i have replaced my cardboard box filing system (just throw it in the box technique) with a new file cabinet (throw them in folders now) after 3 nites of sorting. Taxes are done and mailed away...and even decided on a bedroom set thanks to ikea (see wishlist on left column). Been stretching out on the exercise ball a bit...but need to hit that gym. Also need to determine how much sleep i actually need per nite.

Getting more comfortable with my role at PMX. Meeting some cool people and starting to feel more comfortable as Division head. Actually met this one guy who is willing to teach me how to play guitar. =) Just glad things are getting more organized and i'm looking forward to just have fun that weekend.

Fixing up the blog with some of my frequent sites (shopping, community, etc). Most of my wish list is just for me to keep track of what i want to do with my room. Prob end up buying it myself anyways. Kinda cool all the things u can find online.

I'd rather be outside...should get out and enjoy that more. Excited and anxious since Karen is coming back this month. Our relationship has definately been a rollercoaster so far... through it all...i know i love her....and i am thankful for what she has done in my life.....and we'll have to see where we go from here.

The end of Feburary came with a lot of changes..and a lot to think about. I took a hard look at myself and the people around me. It wasn't all pretty thats for sure...and nothing is ever easy. Anyways...i just plan on taking things day by day and hope for the best.

On a good note, my aunt has come back from the Philippines. We had a nice improptu get together over chicken and shrimp cocktail. I've missed her for sometime now...and its good to have her back. All my cousins came over to welcome her back. Also, my other aunt and cousins are heading to the Philippines to visit family and attend my cousin Zandy's wedding. Even my friend Mark is going back for 2 weeks. Everyone seems to be going back and forth. One of these days i'll get back there as well.

I need to get out too. Gonna go ice skating today...that should be fun. A jrock concert set for Sat nite at the ROXY. Also heading home to see the family and cube. Too bad cube's going for shots...he's not gonna want to see me after that one.

Reclaiming my life

I used to joke about how busy i am at work...and really how busy could i be (sarcastic). Sitting in a climate controlled building, in my cube...chatting on AIM most of the day. (Steve would kill me right now).

But lately...*shakes head*...Damn. Long hours...communicating with people on the other side of the world (Asia-Pacific)...late nites.... I really haven't been able to do much for myself. I've been wanting to do this...or that...or this...and the list goes on...but nothing being done.

Its not just work either...getting myself more involved in PMX stuff....and pmx related stuff....and house stuff.....but seriously..is there only 24 hours in a day???

Anyways...its gotta stop. Since i can't reclaim my nites due to work and outside activities...i'll have to take control of my days. I mean come on..u can only sleep so much right?

Personal affirmations/goals:

1. I will wake up early (defined at at least 7am).
2. I will restart my exercise program (well..start should be a better word)
3. I will have my house in a presentable state by my birthday/anniversary of house purchase (May 2005)
4. I will focus more at work and get things in order there.
5. I will find a way to afford my house.
6. I will set up my personal website (thanks to help from clint)
7. I will take my dermatology medication
8. I will find time to have my coco pebbles in the morning.
9. I will have a japanese bathhouse style bathroom.
10. I will have time to just sit...and stare...and just breathe.

Along those lines i'll be attending a Filipino American Network meeting/socal tonite. I remember in college i was heavily into my asian heritage and background...especially being filipino. I think this will be a nice return to reclaiming myself.

Mabuhay*

*yeah..thought it was mainly used for hello as well. But actually like "aloha" can mean many things. Not as much as dude though.

Happy birthday Karen.

Happy Valentines Day Karen.

Trying to zone out...

Thought things were ok....well...they have sorta settled. just feeling in quite a meloncoly mood today. Haven't done much at work yet...just feeling trapped being here. Now i have my music turned up really loud...trying to blank out the world. I really think i need to get my mp3 player and disappear for a little bit.

Trying to look forward to the weekend..but realizing i have much more to do than i want to. I really need to kill some of my open issues. Hope that will make me feel better.

Sad thing...my disneyland annual pass will expire on the 15th. I made such a big deal about getting one...but didn't get to use it as much as i wanted to... (well..just didnt' get to go out with my family there as much as i wanted to). It was nice when all of us would go out there...but now just seems that everyone is so busy.

i need a vacation. I need to leave the country for a little bit. ....right now not even sure where i want to go..just away.

Shaken...and stirred.

Today's convo.

karen: what's wrong honey?
ray: i don't know...maybe i just need to get away
karen: ray, how are you feeling?
ray: quandry
ray: oh..excuse me...quandary
ray: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=quandary
ray: funny how the sound of the word alone its a good indication of how one feels
ray: when they are in a quandary..
ray: get the sensation your stuck in a large maze
ray: with nothing but walls around
ray: you know there is a way out..
ray: but just just starting at the walls
ray: starts driving you insane
ray: mine are gunmetal grey
ray: and they are prob 50 ft high
ray: its kinda unfortunate that i can't even have a normal mental break-down
ray: instead i just tend to ramble..and go all over
ray: and i'm still too fucking responsible to leave now
ray: but have to clean up problems here and there

--yup...that was my day. I'm still alive...so guess it turned out ok. I'm heading home.

Ahh..yes...this week is almost over.

I'll probably write about this more later..when i feel somewhat rested...but i'm definately glad that this week is almost over. I actually thought it would be fairly uneventful being up here, helping out here and there, and hopefully visiting friends. Unfortunately i actually found myself working longer hours here than even down south and missing out on visiting my bro. I'm glad Justin and Feras were able to stop by and visit, namely cuz i could bearly leave the mountain view/Palo Alto area.
The people in the office were mostly nice. The hotel sucked (can't believe i thought free interent was my deciding factor..when every fricken hotel in Silicon Valley has free internet). Well...almost done. Time to get to home..in my own bed...and catch up on my life.
My one joy...the green tea and chocolate mochi ice cream i bought. Yum..

*sigh*

its been a long few days. Last nite i at least got some rest...but this trip has been fairly busy. I just came back from visiting the other office in Norcal. Not sure why, but just feeling drained.

I thought it would be good, hitting up norcal again and visiting with friends. Still looking to meet up with some of them and possibly will. For the most part though..its just work in a different location. San Jose is nice...the weather is good right now. I feel a little out of place since i don't have my "stuff" with me...the problems of being traveling IT and not having all your tools.

Anyways..i just needed a lil mental break...to write down my thoughts. Hopefully i'll get to finish off most of this stuff before i leave friday.

am i going..am i not.....well..i am.

Ended off the week really good. The project i had finished. (we'll have to see on Monday to make sure its all good). Thankful for my friends for sticking around with me while i was there.
I woke up the next morning heading to Long Beach to meet with Kevin and checking out the venue. Was pretty productive and nice to see how the surrounding area has been revitalized. Rather weird walking around the city. I actually wanted to visit the old mall..where much of my childhood was spent.

Sunday I'll be heading to Asian American Expo. Should be interesting as well.

But as far as the going or not going...well...i'll be in Norcal next week. There were question on if i was actually gonna head up there or not, but yeah I'm gonna help out at the San Jose branch of the company. Already looking to catch up with biggwould. I'll figure out what i have to do first...but it will be nice to see norcal again.

guess all the good things had to catch up to me.

Its now about 1.40am Sat morning. I had a project to do at work today..then things became crazy. My boss told me to fly to Norcal next week to help out at an office. Course..i find out today, so i have to rush and get everything together. In addition to that, i had an overnite job (hence why i'm still here) scheduled to upgrade our server. Oddly enough i'm not very tired/sleepy. I find that i can tend to work well..even after a long day...if the pressure is on. (guess that explains AX).

Well..fortunately..i think this project will be done soon. Therefore i can head home and work on other things. geez. More work to do there too.

honestly..i do love my job. Its got its ups and downs...but for the most part..its good.

nite all

ray
i heart karen.

The Jerry Maguire moment.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. After an accomplished day of 3 hours of grocery shopping (i know i take forever) and a couple other stops, I woke up feeling great. Got dressed...looking pretty good...then...it happened. I realized in all this goodness..i was missing something...
i was missing Karen.

Things are going well. Relationship is well. Taking care of things at work and at home. Althought i have a busy weekend planned, hoping to pull some time to really work on things. Hoping to get the 3rd room established soon.

hello all...

things are going well here. I'm feeling very accomplished at work now that i've taken care of a number of tasks...and even at home things are getting done. I struggled with a computer problem for days on end..only to realize the solution was right in front of me. At times you just need to take a step back.

Things between Karen and I are going well. I just love her soo much. Every relationship has its trials...its the strength of it that will hopefully see us thru it all. I even got to help her classmates with their computer problems. Yeah! brownie points for me.

Kicking PMX stuff into gear as well. Got a busy weekend of visiting...and looking to start the ball rolling on some things. Lots to do..lots to do...guess keeping busy helps keep me happy.

Football Sunday after a trip to Oregon.

Today I was able to actually sit back and just spend personal time. It started after a fun evening in SD celebrating Donny's not so leaving us for Oregon...which was actually a surprise birthday party for Jojo and Dao. It was great seeing everyone again. Party started at Canes by the beach..and ended at Moondoggies and PB Bar and grill. The dance floor at PB still stinks (literally..like a locker room)...but the music was cool and i had fun dancing. Had good converstion with Clara about relationships and careers. I even found Leah (Rho rho founder) on the dance floor of PB Bar and Grill. Well..eventually left for home and a reminder to drive safely from CHP..but finally got home to MPK.

I went home cuz i wanted to clean some stuff around the house. Woke up and walked to Shakas to get the Sunday paper. Heated up some lunch and talked to Karen while watching the Falcons beat the Ravens. After that actually got outside like i wanted to and pulled up a trashcan full of weeds and growth. I really need to decide how i want the landscaping to work, so probably going to talk to the gardener. I've never liked doing lawn work, but it did feel different having to do your own lawn. Actually felt good getting dirty and pulling out those suckers. Now gotta visit Home depot and nuke my lawn of weeds and ants.

Summer like weather is here. Its sunny and nice. Time to take care of things again (least those things i do have control of).

BTW. The patriots just beat the Steelers. Its gonna be a good Super Bowl Game. I know my office is happy to see the Pats at the Big game again.

Yeah its friday...too bad there is no rest to be seen yet =/

I didn't have too much to do at work today, although i did have to be in the office 2.5 hours earlier than normal to set up a video conference. I've been doing quite a bit of hours lately...i think i need a personal day. Either way i did get a lot of other stuff done as well.

I thought i might go drinking, to wish my coworker congratulations on getting into MBA school. I decided to pass on that since i was so tired from the early morning and looked forward to playing some bball with Clint and Kenta. While chatting with Kelly before heading down, we decided it'd be cool for her to come out too and ball up...just like old times with the Rho Rho founding class. man..i miss those days...and those people.

So..high tailed it out of work at around 5 to get stuck in mandatory friday traffic. It really wasn't that bad. I got to cerritos from pasadena at about 6.20. I know this cuz i met with my PMX concert coordinator at that time to do some planning. Dropped off the paperwork and headed on down. Instead of getting lost somewhere near campus, I luckily got a call from Kelly so decided to meet up at her apt. Unfortunately, due to miscommunication (or the guys were afraid Kelly would beat their ass in basketball- her words), i missed catching Clint and Kenta. Sucks...all decked out to ball up...and no one to play with. Well..decided i'd continue on with the original plan and try to meet Kevin at Guppy Tea House. Kelly wanted to come along so we headed out. Setback #2 - Kevin doesnt' pick up his phone. We make it to Cerritos, but since he never calls, we go get somethign to eat and instead get our basketball fix by watching Coach Carter. Movie was "ok"...but definately made us want to play bball more. Anyways..after that, i headed home.
Got to see Sam and Mila before they watched their movie, had good talks with Kevin and Kelly, but missed out on Bball and clint...so i guess it wasn't too bad a nite.

Anyways...now time to crash. Got haircut for tomorrow as well as heading down to SD.

btw - I love my Karen =) too bad she was sleeping and i couldn't talk to her tonite. She's gonna keep me company on my way down to SD.

Wow..
amazing day today. Things got pretty crazy this morning...and surprised i got to pull it all together in the end.

Well...we start with last nite. Things with Karen and i have been sorta rough lately. Honestly i'm not one to put it out here for public consumption...most of the inner turmoil and/or my private life is left off the journal. Basically, like any relationship, there comes the period of questioning and confusion. Fortunately, last nite, we just talked it out. To me it feels its gotten better. We'll just have to see what will happen in the future.

As far as this morning, problems just came on strong. I realized with a recent consolidation of offices in Australia, I had to work double time to get them ready....esp since they are moving in this weekend. Anyways, as i'm working on this, i learn that i'm out of space on the server. I then have to figure out how i'm going to resolve that when the tech for the network connection comes in. Needless to say (esp those not into this techno babble) it was a busy day...but all handled.

Innate sense

Today seems a bit better. I woke up and actually got up. Jumped into the shower and started looking forward to the day. Breaking routine, I felt a sense of emptiness. Regardless i have to push along and see what will come to be. I was fortunate to get things done last nite work wise, so my plate wasn't so bad in the morning.

The previous nite, I headed home after work to help my dad out with his lab. I came home to a happy cubie running up to me. It was good to see him again as well as seeing dad and mantha. Thing about it is i could understand cube...obviously transcending the communication barrier between dog and man, by just looking in his eyes. He hasn't seen me for quite some time..but that in that shared glance...he knew everything.

Sometimes...its just a look. That look in the eyes. You can see everything in that...its some innate sense. You can't explain it...and there really is no logic.

Sometimes you can tell it without even seeing it. Its hearing the cry for help when no word is spoken. Jumping at a chance when everything seems to be against you.

Its a vibe..a feeling...and likely innate for survival instinct. Its something to keep us from harm...its just a question if we want to follow it or not.

Silenced
My heart has been silenced. The is no one to hear the songs anymore. Hopefully I can sing again someday.

Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Quite a weekend so far.

The end of this week has been pretty good and productive. Got this project done at work, albeit the tech showed up last minute. Anyways, things are going well. The weekend has been primarily alchohol filled. Started out on Friday going out to yard house with my coworkers. Its nice ginding time to actually sit and talk, without it haveing to be work related. Ended up topping off a yard of newcastle before heading out to a pub and bar in Old Towne Pasadena. While i was there was able to meet up with some old friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. Overall, successfully made it home safely...and got a few hours sleep.
Saturday morning i got an early wake up call from Jerry as he was my ride to San Deigo and eventually Sea World. While i wasn't expecting much, it was actually fun. This group i've been working with for the past years truly are a family to me....one that i haven't been able to spend much time with lately. While unfortunately that Jerry had to leave early, I did have a first in going to PB and smoking a hooka. Had a lot of fun just chilling and drinking the nite away. Anyways, prob relaxing most of tomorrow...whenever we wake up...and heading back home.

The sun was so nice today. I actually woke up and said "its gonna be a beautiful day"...and that it was. Got to work pretty energized. I really have to say that i do work better in good weather. I was able to take care of most of my tasks and spent the afternoon working on various projects.
Trying to clean up stuff around the house, put the tools away, watch my bit torrent downloads, and catching a pretty funny episode of South Park. Ending my nite writing this post and talking with Karen. Overall a good day...and looking forward to more in the future.

Currently playing yahoo pool with Karen.
So far so good...i'm up 2 games (to zero...but hopefully i can post this before that changes).

Monday my predecessor came back. It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. For the most part things went ok. Spent a pretty busy morning setting people up, but the day was mostly uneventful. Spent yesterday relaxing...getting stuff done around the house, finishing the family lasagna that i cooked. Thinking about starting to cook myself. I'm planning on getting the sunday paper and coupon cutting..and shopping for groceries next week.

The torrential downpours have finally ended. Today I woke up and it was nice and sunny. If it keeps nice and warm, prob get some housework and stuff done. I'm feeling that things are getting done at work and home...so all is well.

Not sure how this weekend is going. May be in SD for a trip with the VAC crew.
Started buffy season 7 last nite. Such a good series...too bad it had to end.

Ok...till next time.
(Karen won the last one..so its 2-1 now)

the weekend has come to an end..and its had some ups and downs.

First off...its still raining. I had thought about going to CES, but that didn't pan out since it was actually SNOWING in vegas. No biggie.. just felt i'd rather take personal time this weekend. It started with spending time with Karen before she left for school Sat morning. I got home around 5 am, with the understanding that i had to bring the dog to the groomer. I got a 2 hour nap..and that was really good, since after i brought cube to the groomer, i got trapped doing work this weekend. Seems we had a errant email that took down all our email servers. My coworkers and I spent most of Saturday troubleshooting the problem.
I had a craving for CPK bread since friday, so my sister and I had planned on spending the day together and getting a meal there. Unfortunately that email problem and the rainy weather got us trapped at home (well me at least). It was nice though when Ed came over after his meeting and we all went out to the mall (and ate cpk). I haven't talked to Ed in a while, so it was nice to reconnect. I also picked up some soft center candies from See's. I had gotten a gift certificate like 2 years ago..and finally decided to redeem it. It was a good Saturday.

Sunday started pretty well. It was nice when Cube came over and went back to sleep with me. When i woke up again, i found myself alone at home (everyone was at church) and i had to race off the PMX meeting. The meetings haven't really been productive in my opinion, but when i commit to something, i try to live up to what is expected. Ended the meeting with the movie "Meet the Fockers" and finding my car with a dead battery (darn car needs automatic headlights). I'm glad that Jerry was able to stick around and help me jumpstart the car.

For the most part...a pretty good weekend. Now back to the messy house...and need to clean this place up.

OK..close to everyday =p

Its friday...its friday. This week is over and its actually ending pretty good. Had a talk with Karen about where our relationship is heading. Resolved that we're just gonna see how it goes. I love her and there is no question of that...so we're just gonna see where this leads.

Had some good convos with my friends about my job. It was definately a nice moral booster. Whateve even better than that is some of my older friends offering me positions with their companies. I'm glad to see that IT industry is on its way back up..and my skills are still valuable.

In talking with Karen last nite, talked a bit about my level of complacency. Yeah, i can definately say i'm stable and content. Is there a lot more out there for me...i agree...i'm just taking my time in moving forward. Guess i've focused so much of my energies on work and home...but probably worthwhile to investigate other endeavors as well.

I wish for a carefree life. Honestly...i'm driven now for life on a quiet island (i think i'll set myself up to retire there).

So this weather is wreaking havoc on my face. Can't tell if its that or just the cold weather. Either way i feel like my face is peeling away and breaking out all over. It could be stress related...and there are many stressful things i can point to so far.

I've learned that the person i took over for is coming back to my company. Needless to say it feels a bit uneasy. I've been reassured by many that i am doing a good job...but thing is I know i can do better. Having their golden child back in the same office as me is putting me on the defensive...even though he's supposedly no threat to my position. (he's coming in as a economist.) Anyways, its making me ponder some other options as well.

Yesterday was my six month anniversary. Things with Karen have been going good...but it isn't perfect. Every relationship has its highs and lows. The best thing about our relationship is we're pretty open to talk about things...especially our feelings. This isn't a private blog...and not everything is meant to be shared. Trust in the fact though that I am still very happy with her..and glad she is a part of my life.

Distance

Hard to calculate. Its not always a determination of miles of pavement.

Relatively quiet day at work today. Surprisingly didn't get too many calls from the school...so things went smoothly.

Still raining..and this weather sucks.

Finding myself in an awkward position..of just not knowing where i stand..or where i want to be. Much of these resolutions just want to improve things...but easily finding things to hinder me. I really just need to self-motivate...but this cold and weather doesn't aid me. In addition to that, my face is breaking out again cuz of the cold. Ugg.

Anyways...hoping to get myself set for my personal project. I'll let u know more as it comes along.

Best intentions...slow to change..

So i told my aunt I'd wanted to go to church with her today. I almost woke up to her call...but just didn't get up. Going back to church is something i'm thinking about doing...just a matter of getting the motivation to do so. I've always said if there was something that you wanted to change about it (my feelings about my church)...then it would be up to me to do so. It will be gradual...but we'll see how it goes.

The rest of the day was nice. A quiet day at home...finishing leftovers..and attempting to clean up the house. Watched dodgeball..but nah...not as good as zoolander.

I was able to wrap up all i needed to do for the school...but expecting a number of calls tomorrow when the teachers come back in.

Looking forward to a productive year...

And so it begins...

Well..2005 has started..and its going ok. I took care of some work at the school...before opting to head home to family....only to find that my brother and sister were out...and my cousins sitting and watching TV. I remembered how i "vowed" last year that i didn't want to do this anymore..the quiet home celebration...while my friends were all out tipsy-ing the nite away. It actually was my impetus to find my own place.

Thing is...its a part of me. From the unusual tradition of opening up windows or my mom banging pots...it has been my mom's family tradition. I can't say it will be that way forever...but for 2004..I wanted it to be family.

Anyways...after the midnite count down...we proceeded to play Disney Scene it. Glad everyone got into it..and samantha came up as the winner. It was nice having everyone around again.

I was hoping to get that midnite kiss from Karen this year...but she was off with friends and unfortunately my phone has crappy reception here. I'll just have to collect on it later.

Anyways..as far as next new years...we'll see if my house is ready for it. Personally, I'm opting to host it next year..so its definitely not going to be quiet.

Happy New Year everyone.

A new start...

Well...I'm not much for New Years Resolutions. If you sincerely believe in change you can do that at anytime,but hey...the new year is a pretty good catalyst. So..let me see what this past year has brought me.

Last year i was working in Westwood. Company pretty good and me getting comfortable since i had been there for a year. Still somewhat active in APO stuff, since we'd just come off the Regionals conference in Long Beach. Was fairly socially active with my friends from OC and SD. If i remember correctly..that December Bday party was one to definately remember. My brother decided to open up to me during regionals about things in his life, especially since we had just reconciled. I had to deal with two close friends that had parted ways. I was frustrated with life at home. I saved a lot...but had to deal with a lot as well. Looking back at the blog, I was writing each day..and actually had a lot of things to say (plus tried to hit the gym each day). I was watching RENT and the Producers...and weekly movies at my cousin's theater. Getting out and going to events...but still without that special someone in my life. It wasn't for lack of trying...but i just didnt' connect with anyone. Questioned on love as a whole...but was re-affirmed by my friend bryan (nov). Actually hung out with Al sometimes. The VAC/AX/PMX group was still somewhat cohesive. The Chomps Sushi crew and 5th Wave was a monthly joy. Christmas time was in the air...music was playing. It was a good year..

This year in review, been quite different. I finally decided to strike out on my own. After much research and saving, bought a house in Monterey Park - across the street from where i grew up. Did it all on my own, with only advice from family and friends... Simply trusted my realtor. Still in a bit of paranoia about not being able to afford it. (i'm freezing at nite cus of the cost to heat up the whole house...especially when its just me). Thank goodness for my aunt's electric blanket.
I'm still with the same company...and its still pretty good...but also been offered twice a new opportunity that seems really good. Just questioning if i want to take another leap of faith again.
Been out of the APO loop for some time now. I still talk to a couple people here and there...but haven't been active at all. Losing contact with al, ed, bren, sharon and all the people i was close to. (ok..not so much bren..since i see him online and we chat almost daily). Stopped my 5 years of AX Security...and joined the PMX team. Didn't really give up on AX since i just wanted to lessen my role (rejoined later in a different department). I started becoming a reculse. Drawing away from the world..and just getting into the routine of going to work..and going home. Didn't see any of my friends...and the only people i talked to were those on my buddy list. Not sure where my brother and I are at...things are just awkward. I'm regaining my sense of family from my move to Monterey Park. Having meals with my aunts and cousins...hearing auntie poyche tell me stories about my mom, my aunts and uncles, and growing up in the philippines. Found love with Karen in july...and getting used to being in a relationship again. Its nice...and things are going well. Becoming a handy man around the house. Had to figure out the fireplace and flip the circuit breaker without calling my dad. It has been nice though working with my dad on various house projects (motion sensor lights). Gaining a new appreciation for everything...and seeing the beauty in simple things.

So..where to now.

A bunch of things i've "said" i wanted to do...maybe its time to just list them. That way i can finally knock them off along the way. I'll have to put these on a seperate webpage and keep them in front of me.

1. Put up my own personal website - (training c/o Clint)
2. Blog and work-out daily again - (starting Jan 1)
3. Learn to cook and eat healthier
4. Get back into community service
5. Make a list of things i want to do, before i die/age. (NY ball drop, NO Marti Gras)
6. Make a list of places I want to go (Carribean, China, Europe)
7. Read more books
8. Finish the house before 1 year anniversary of ownership (May 1)
9. More do it yourself tasks around the house.
10. No more "cheapy" text happy holiday messages. Actually calling up friends and having conversations.
11. Learn more...picking up a new interest.

Ok..thats a start.
Lets see how we go from here...but its already looking good.

-excelsior

Most of the shopping is done now...
Just want to wish everyone a merry christmas and happy new year!

-Ray

Xmas coming...but am i excited?

Hey friends...sitting here in Northampton, Massachusettes and typing on a mac of all things. ewww. Well, I'm out this week "picking up" Karen from school...and flying back home to nice warm California on Wed. Its "ok" out here. Definately colder...but for the most part a quaint little town. Smith college is a nice school...with definately a nice New England feel. Brick buildings and cottage style architecture. The pond and waterfall make a nice touch. I bet its prettier...when the pond isn't so iced over..or the sun shines thru the trees once full of leaves. It also just started snowing tonite..and expected to continue thru tomorrow. Overall, its been a good trip so far. I'm a bit dissappointed since i lost my mp3 player on the way over or something. arrgg..I hate it when i lose things. For the most part...just trying to relax. So..basically sleeping and eating.

Anyways... the topic of this was about xmas. I dont' know...really just not feeling it so far. Its a bit different coming home (this time in MPK)..and not seeing family...especially this time of year. I love the fact the my neighbors are getting the spirit of the season. The lights are really pretty and even my aunt put up her tree. As for me, my house is still a mess. Visions of computer pieces strewn all about the floor. Next year will be better..(so i say). This world has gotten so commercialized...all i see are sales and guarenteed pre-xmas delieveries. I wish this "season of caring" would actually just happen year round for people. Why now..and not in july? I guess its just nice overall...that people care to help out their fellow man.

Personally..i think i just want to sit by the fire with family and actually sing xmas songs this year...while sipping on hot cider or hot chocolate. For now, I think i'll need to load up on the Xmas spirit and watch ELF and "Its a wonderful life".

Arrggg.

Yup..an island i tell you. Where the sun shines 90% of the time (except at nite of course)...temperature a nice 80-90 degrees....white sand beaches...and clear skies. Oh yeah...no need for computers either..Uggg.

Yup..my island dream comes to me again after a late nite of disgusting computer work. Funny too when u figure its my profession...but man..it can be quite the pain in the ass. All i wanted to do was replace my bad CPU...but i had to flash the bios...and in the process somehow damaged my hard drives.

Man..i was at a total loss. My life was on those drives. Hundreds of photos from different events, memories, papers, AX documents, EVERYTHING.

I think i made a back up of my stuff some time ago, so I wasn't feeling it to be a total loss...but at the same time made me think.

Man..how dependant we are on computers/technology for things. At times i just want to step away from it all and just get away.

I've become so reclusive lately that it sucks. Going xmas shopping shows me how detached i am. I walked around the mall for hours and couldn't even think of anythign to get people. Hard thing now a'days is that most of my family friends have money that if they saw somethign they wanted..they get it. Guess no wonder why gift cards are the most popular present this year.

I enjoy my family moments with my auntie poyche, O'Dell family, John and Alexis...waking up sunday mornings and walking across the street to have lunch and actual conversation. Last week we even sat together and watched House of Flying Daggers.

But for the most part...its just me...this laptop at work...and this laptop at home...and phone calls with Karen... make up most of my days.

I mean...its simple...i lost the data on my hard drive...my life....(well..what i considered my life)...and i couldn't even really think what i lost on it besides my photos.


What happens when i "disappear"? will anyone miss me or even realize i'm gone. At times i feel like i'm gone already.


Well...its not like i'm depressed or anything..so don't all start calling or anything. When i think about it, I know i made a significant contribution in my experiences with APO...but nothing lately. I used to do a lot with my family (immediate and extended)...but now seems more like we just co-exist. I think the most fun with my family i had lately was Sam's bday at Speedzone. I tend to occupy myself with so many things, i miss out on the simple things. I remember Summers of Sushi with Bren, Ed, and Sharon...every other thursday. It was a ritual...then 5th Wave for Soju and Cards. i want to so a service project again. I know i've been blessed in life. I want to give something back.

Many things i want...and not things i can put on a list. Mainly...i just want time..and a life....and an island =).

wow..time just seems to fly.
Plus the weather out here just plain sucks. I can't wait till summer comes back.
Only thing saving me are my aunt's electric blanket and late nite phone calls from Karen.

Work has been busy..and the house is still coming together. Time just seems to be disappearing. Still haven't figured out what to do for xmas gifts and stuff..and realize i really dont' want anything personally. I'm pretty happy with all the "things" i have now...just keeping myself busy with life. If anything, probably gift certificates or money =p.

As for gifts for other people, i find myself in the same predicatament. I'm at a loss at what to get people this year. I haven't caught the "holiday" cheer yet. Maybe its cuz i've been too busy. It is nice though...driving home and seeing the houses on my street decorated. I'm thinking i may go ahead and do that next year.

braving it alone...

You know...when it comes down to it...we're born alone into the world. Yeah your mother may have carried you and your father had his role in it too...but our willingness to live and survive is primarily self driven.

I'm thankful for my family and friends that I have made this journey more pleasurable. At times, you really just need to step back and appreciate everything that we are given in life.

Sometimes you find the right person..and decide that you want to be with that person forever...those are special times. Congratulations to Jojo and Dao for finding each other and allowing me to share in your special day. Most of us are still taking our chances to find that certain someone.

I woke up this morning...and it felt a bit colder..and a lot lonelier. That plus not knowing what this Thanksgiving week may bring...forces me to think how solo in life i am or can be....

Time is such an abstract concept.........7 days can seem like forever......we'll just see what the future will hold.

State of the world...

Sometimes....i feel i would be happy just living on an island. Blame it on the melancholy mood i've been in today...but taking a step back to look at things....i wonder if that would be so bad an idea.
I had a nice talk with my dad this past weekend, while we were working on things for the house. He said i think too much...take too many things into play...and that i should just do what I want to do. I tend to think that is what i do...but i am influenced by the people and things around me. We don't live in a vacuum...but sometimes i wish we did.

Anyways..look at today's perspective...and understand my view. Bush is president, but the rest of the world thinks we're the idiots. (ok..they're british..what do they know anyways). I can now shoot an animal over the internet. A monday nite football promo turns into the call to return to family values, memories of janet at the superbowl, prepared "apologies" already set since the value of the publicity this got is way more than ABC could have imagined. Dang..its thursday and they still are talking about it (plus the obligatory Race card reference). BTW...isn't there a war going on? And people, anyone , are still dying...no matter who pulls the trigger.(even aid workers) I think the biggest joke i've ever heard was the "Rules of War"*shakes head*.Ugg.

Then i take a breath..and just look at the day to day accomplishments. I built a 5 shelve bookshelf last nite. I'm getting more stuff done there in general. Plus I'll be taking next week off to try to relax. Jojo's wedding is Saturday, so that should be fun. Karen and I are doing just fine...and i can't wait to see her again. I learned that i am very appreciated at work..and even sought after to work somewhere else.

Well..i'm tired...i'm getting off this soapbox now and heading home.

Humm...blogging..blogging.

its been some time since i've been here...and i'm really starting to wonder why anymore. Well..jojo finally blogged. Soon he will be married to Dao..but still answers to anny =p. Anyways...i just started to wonder why....why blog?

Well..its a journal. Collection of my thoughts and opinions. It used to be an easy way for me to keep people updated...without having to repeat the same story over and over (as well as read up on what people are doing). Looking at my sitemeter...doesn't look like very many people are keeping up with me anyways (i'm to blame. I don't update). I don't think i'm the only freak that checks every blogs daily..even for those that haven't updated in years (Diana =p..ok..not year..but close). So yeah..its a place for me to share what i've been doing.

At times, that seemed pretty boring. Ray wakes up. he gets dressed. He goes to work. He comes home. Jumps on computer again. Maybe calls up some friends. Sleeps. Repeat 5 days a week. Hey..his weekends, may be heading to Norcal, OC, SD, or somewhere.

The other purpose of this blog was also to expand my writing and creative skills. Honestly folks...I think i've been lagging. Swear..work, alcohol, stress, tv...something has been killing my brain cells. I used to dream of flying cars and fighting dragons...and could spin tales of war-battled heros and fairy tale lands. Granted i was no Tolkien, but alfred still remembers "moustache moustache" from one of my yarns.

Geez..this world has become so...so...vast and minimal at the same time. Vast in that I can see what is going on around me (from elections, wars to nick and jessica)....and minimal as to my day to day interactions with Karen, family, coworkers and others. My circle of friends get smaller, as i lose interaction with people. I tend to be less likely to call someonw...but always happy to receive them. Who do i see everyday? My AOL buddy list. =(

I haven't cared much for the outside world lately. I didn't care about voting (till i talked propositions with Karen..then i regretted not voting). Election, smecktion... I can't believe that the two candidates are all the US has to offer for leadership..

Not caring...sad state...but i think i find myself in the apathy of the world today.

Karen has been something new...someone who makes me want to care. Someone who sees me for me. Distance is hard..and i wonder if she begins to tire of me. We share somethign special...I just wish we didn't have to be so far apart.

Its not all roses folks..behind the smile...umm..yeah.

But what are complaints..if you don't do anything about them (drumroll...sounds like ray is on a comeback)

I'm not happy with the state things are in...so how can i change it. I shouldn't have to use a webpage...as a substitute for calling friends. How fucking sad eh? Well...people expect some calls...make some plans....cuz...TV is boring (and i tape all my good shows anyways)...but i'm looking for more out of life than sitting on my ass.

Today was a good example. Woke up to Karen (great way to start the day), planned to do some home improvement, and started with a visit to my aunt. Had a nice talk, then headed t home depot to get some motion lights and other stuff. In order to save cash, hit up the shopping center near the house and raided the 99 and 98 cent stores =p...then finally went home. After eating my one meal today (yeah..that was bad)...called up my dad to see if he wanted to help with some electrical stuff. It was nice...really nice...some quality time with my dad...talking, learning, and getting the lights up. After dinner (ok..guess that was 2 meals..not too bad)...watched ER (on the good shows tape)...and when neil got home...headed out to the local bar for a drink...before heading to Cerritos. Got to see my dog cube (missed him so much after that nintendogs clip) and talk with Mantha and Mila before writing up this blog. Quite a full day. Tomorrow/Today will be disneyland with mantha.

well..i should sleep now. Need to get some rest if i'm gonna start living life more. So..basic update...house good, work good, relationship still going, and life starting up again. Plus..u know its that time of the year again... love and good cheer...elves and stockings. My list will be up soon =p...just playing with it a bit.

Nite =)

Out with the old...
As with much good things, some of them have to come to an end...we celebrate the good times we had. Times change and so do we...but we still remember the past..and what it means to us. Each moment in time...are etched in this thing we call life...and its best to enjoy every second of it as it comes to past...so...in much of this melodramatic mode...i would like to sadly retire things of mine..that have gone on riding into the sunset.

My radio. I was the first in the family to get a CD player..and this would be that system. It was really important in those days to have DUAL cassette..since u need it to copy anything. I used all the money i saved up from holidays, red envelopes, kissing lola, whatever. It was my first major purchase at $199.99. I remember my first CDs were Janet Jackson "Rhythm Nation" and Madonna's "Like a Prayer" (which my cousin Zandy later took). Well..its still sorta worked...till the wires to one speaker burnt..and we tried to fix it. Now..the CDs tend to skip..and teh casing is falling apart. It will likely get replaced (when i need eventually need one) with one that plays mp3s or something...but yeah...you served me well radio (can u believe it was a crappy brand and it lasted soo long. Go sound-design)

Next ones are the shoes that I've been wearing for years now.

Bought at an indoor swap meet. Still fits ok..but feels really soft..and time to decommission.

One of my favorite all purpose shoes. Goes with a lot of things..and sadly just doesnt' fit well anymore.

And sadly..the Kswiss. Its made it thru years of AX and APO conventions. Comfortable..and durable..its finally gotten holy. I have another pair of Kswiss..but they are pristine white..and only come out on special times =p
So...i could only retire them if i picked up some new kicks...so introducing

Yeah..kinda cool... The browns ones i've been looking at for a while..and since I've been changing the wardrobe to that color. The blue ones are more multipurpose. Just need to decide on the color laces for each one. (I've heard that sketchers is actually owned by the former LA Gear people...which explains the multiple laces). Right now I'm thinking Blue laces on teh blue shoes..and brown laces on the brown ones (basically..not using the white laces).Anyways..it was rather cool buying these. I was shopping..realized the salesperson was Filipino so i started talking to him in Tagalog. Well..u know where that led to. =) $10 Discount...so not bad.

Oh how the "mighty" have fallen

I feel I've always been a fan of the underdog. It takes a lot to come from behind and win a truly deserving victory...and its happened twice this year that the underdog has prevailed.

Its started with the Lakers (which i usually hate cuz they are hardly ever the underdogs). After already winning back to back championships (but losing to the Spurs the previous year - yeah!) and having 2 superstars in Shaq and Kobe (superstar?? - cough)...they overpowered their team with Malone and Payton. Guaranteed ring supposedly...esp for malone who deserves it..and payton..well..he's been there long enough. (sorry..still hating on payton at least...malone i've grown to appreciate a lil better). But what happened?...well...a real team happened. Detroit Pistons.

So..now even more recently.

I'm not a big baseball fan...actually don't watch it too much. I remember the days of Dodger fever and watching Steve Garvey and Steve Sax...and going to Dodger stadium with my family. Those were fun times. But lately...I've been watching the Red Sox. Mostly because my work is based out of Boston and they are die hard fans there. I've actually found baseball to be very interesting again....all the way down to the last innings.

Anyways..the "mighty" of this league...the overpaid, overpowered NY Yankees. Think your checkbook could win you the World Series...think again Steinbrenner. It was heart and determination..and the love of fans that took Boston into the history books in winning the pennant...after being down 3-0 in the series...and years of torment from the Yankees. Go Red Sox..

So...this post is dedicated to the people that really put themselves into things....The 2002 angels (that was a great win), 2004 Detroit Pistons, 2004 Boston Red SOX, your teachers who really don't get paid enough for what they do, your trashperson who picks up YOUR crap, your parents/friends who put up with you, everyone else in the world that isn't really truly appreciated for what they do...and expecially your family who loves you regardless of knowing you.

Humm..this post started as a poke on the overbearing...but ended up finding whats really important....a person's heart.

GO RED SOX

*disclaimer. Not to say that the Yankees, Giants, Lakers don't have heart...but i think they are just too full of themselves at times. (man..i can see the flame war now)

Rain rain go away

2-3 days of downpour...and it sucks. Hydroplaning on the freeway a bit is not fun either. The rain is nice to clear the air and dirty streets....and only good when u've got someone to snuggle with in front of a fire. Unfortunately, she's too far away.

Anyways, as of today, the sun has started to peek thru.

I wanted to post a note here to let people know whats going on...nothing particularly thought provoking or interesting today. Humm..lets see. Karen and I are good...so thats great =). I'm gonna see her next weekend. More recently been celebrating mantha's bday....speedzone, chili's and last nite Prime Rib at Black Angus (yummmm..their cake is soo good). The Oakland guy for my company has taken the week and a half off to go training..so I'm left covering for him. Thats been keeping me busy....as well as other work projects. Fortunately been able to clean up stuff at work and home. Ohh ohh...i got the washer and dryer working. Sooo cool. There's a handyman in me after all.

The house fixing stuff is kicking back into gear again. Got an appointment this weekend for landscaping work. Sounds professional huh..well..actually..looking into artificial grass. Hey..its actually looks good and i checked it out at the LA Fair. Need to get working on the other parts of the house, but one major expense at a time...especially since christmas is coming. Got tickets to the hockey game sat and sounds like Rico finally got his promotion. Yeah!

Finished Angels and Demons, DaVinci Code..and now starting the Hobbit....
so...thats all for now. buh bye.

Where's Ma Cookies!!!

Or more like...where are my posts...=p. Well..yeah..there has been quite a hiatus...but i do need to return to the art of writing. Actually thinking of doing some letter writing...but i'll start here first. Sadly..even my friends lil blog circle has started to dwindle when my renewed inspiration decided to go silent. If thats the case...hopefully i can help start it up again. =)

Anyways...its a blog...so going on about me....things are good. Been doing a lot of family stuff...which will be the majority of this post. Karen came in for a semester break weekend and that also was very needed =). Started my first meeting for PMX...and still working on the house. Ugg. Things been busy and well at work...more responsibilites...but also more respect. Haven't done much/anything for APO or AX...but still keeping an ear on it. All in all, things in my life going pretty well.

Where's Ma Cookies!!!

Been spending a lot of time with family. Its really nice being back in MPK where i grew up, and being close by to cousins and my aunt. I enjoy the 10pm calls from alfred to go eat dinner and heading over to my aunts place to help her out on her computer. My uncle who has helped being my handy man the past few months just left today for the PI...but yeah...things have been nice.

I went to the LA county fair with my family as well. ok..it was kinda a family event, even thought my sis, dad and I ended up seperating from mom, aunt and uncle from the very start. Overall it was a nice day out enjoying the sun, a diving show...and sitting on the artifical grass that could soon grace my own home. =p

Just recently came back from an impromptu bday celebration for my sister. I found out that she would be away on her actualy bday, so asked if she wanted to go celebrate...well...that day. =) Wanted to try something different, so called up teh family posse and friends and we headed to Speedzone off the 60 freeway. Man...it was a lot of fun. Back to the good ol days of mini-golf and arcade games. I think we'll have to do it again soon and get some races going on the actual speed tracks. I maintained the undisputed champ at HydroThunder. Mantha and i got pretty far on House of Dead 2...before we decided to head to DDR. Oh man...white boy cannot dance ddr. NO COORDINATION. =p *smile*

After gaming, we headed to Garden. Man..that was the best...we were just sitting there...eating, talking, laughing. Good times i tell you. Mantha was telling about her Disney cruise that summer and Alfred took it to another level with his antics. Man...where's my cookies has never been funnier. I swear my cousin has made my side hurt for 2 days straight....I love my family

PS.
And check out my brother's blog redesign. Really cool.

Humm..Doctor says cholestrol is a bit high...but still within reason. Humm..guess gotta cut down on the milk and really start working out now.

Gave Karen her 100 day anniversary gift...and still loving every minute of this.

Week is almost over...errands on Sat..and Disney on Sunday. Yeah weekend! Welcome October.

The Post - Take 2

Ugg..i hate that. I had a nice post last nite..but it got lost in the upload. Thought i'd remember how problematic blogger could be at times...but oh well. I'll try it again.

Anyways...the prompt for this post...was basically...yeah...i had time to write. Writing has always been an outlet for me..and a constructive method of expression. I've been told many times that i tend to mumble...well...writing it provides that sense of clarity. Only thing writing misses is emphasis...but that can also be acheived throught effective writing. Ahh..but i digress.

For the most part..i'd have to say...i'm pretty happy. Glad to be able to say that. I look around and see i have a nice house to live in. I have friends and family that support me and look out for me. I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me for who I am..in all its dorkiness at times. My job is great..and they take care of me and appreciate me. Overall, I'd have to say life is going well (knock on wood that it doesn't jinx me).

Of course...not everything is perfect, nor is it expected to be. Guess its just those many challenges that life puts in front of us (Karen being 3000 miles away, long hours at work, my lawn dying). I guess you just have to take it all in stride and hope for the best...cuz in the end..thats all you can do.

After talking with my friend Rando, we both agree that it really comes down to your quality of life. Not to be bogged down with things...but just enjoying life as it comes. With Karen, I just tend to find more of the beauty in things...namely cuz she finds beauty in me *blush*. Life...yeah...make use of your time.

With that in mind..i'd like to set more goals for myself. Getting tired of TV (while i can say i still get caught by it).. but trying to find more time tp focus on myself. Less of going to clubs and parties..but more of watching Naruto with my cousin. I'm thinking of picking up guitare, as well as a language...but that will all come as i organize my life and things together. I think i'm almost there...so my opportunities for growth seem very open...namely cuz i'm happy...with all that i have already.

Anyways..i'm hoping to write more..but for now i'm gonna sleep.

Oh yah...wanted to say "Konnichiwa" to my lil Enida. I just got your postcard sweetie...so I'm hoping you're enjoying Japan. Call me when you read this since i'm not sure if your cell phone area code really changed.

Bill Koo's Visit

For the last week in Aug..i had a friend stay with me. Nice story when you think about it He is a friend from UCR that i met in my second year. That year i didn't really do much with my dorm hall, as i had my fair share of activities with APO. Anyways..Bill was one of the few people in the hall that would actually stop and talk to me. He has been great in organizing D4 Hall get-togethers and keeping in touch with everyone (well...more with the people he hung out with...less on me cuz we hardly talked).

Anyways..i was going through my buddy list..and clearing out the names of people i don't see online anymore...or really talk to anymore. I saw Bill's screenname. I mean...geez..its been like..almost 7 years since i've seen him or talked to him. So..mentally..i decided..i think i'll just archive his name..and remove him from the list. Well..that same day (yeah..believe it), I was about to IM someone..and I accidentally double clicked his name. D'oh. I asked if he remembered who it was (was using my personal IM..not the work one)..and he said yeah. Our converstation got into how we each have been, his wife and daughter, and stories of the ol' gang. I was happy that he still remembered me...even thought it had been so long. Well..he proceeds to ask me about Microsoft stuff...esp since i was a MCSE teacher...and tells me that he qualified for this free class in Anaheim. I'm not sure how the topic came up..but basically i offered for him to stay at my house...to save him some money. Raising a family is not easy...let alone in the bay area. It was a good week with him there...the few times we were able to see each other. I think the best part though was the first day.

I think the most memorable experience of that week was that monday. Karen had been house sitting waiting for the electrician throughout the day. Bill had just driven in from his first day of class...that started with him leaving victorville at 5am that morning. Earlier in the day, i got the call that my school network server was down as well..and they needed it back up soon (school was starting the next week). While i was coming home to greet both of them and try to unwind, i got the call that the Australia firewall was down..and needed to get things back up quick.

Talk about pressure. At the same time that started happening, the electrican arrives to work on something..and neil walks in to start moving some stuff in. CRAZY i tell you. I'm glad Karen sensed the pressure and took Bill out to get food..while i stressed in front of the PC. Thats the nice thing about her...she can read me well.

Later that evening...everything starts to settle...more like midnite or so....and i'm sitting there questioning myself..."do i go to the school tonite...or not?". I made a promise..that i'd go...but i knew that the staff would understand if i couldn't. In front of me, my wary traveller Bill was getting ready to crash while Karen was sleeping in my room. I decided...i'm gonna go. I promised..and they needed it for the next day.

So..i started getting things ready..and i went to my room to tell Karen i was going. Its only been a short time knowing her...but i knew she'd be upset if i didn't tell her. Because i knew her..i also guessed at what she would do next.

Yeah...she woke up...to come along. I told her she didn't have to...but she was set on what she wanted to do. In many respects thats whut i love about her. We got her CD player..and put some things together. What i didn't expect was the following...

as i started to walk to leave the house...Bill learned that Karen was going...and decided that he would come along as well. Wow..i surround my self with some amazing people. A friend i havent talked to in forever....and a girlfriend i only met a month ago...both heading out on a task with me at 1am.


I truly am a lucky man for the friends i have.

Where's Ray....

Yes..it may have seen hopeless for a while there...but yes..i have returned to blog. No real reason for the departure mind you...just had other things to do...like live life...than write about it. But alas...do not fret...for i will again humor my anonymous (and sometimes not so anonymous) reading community with my thoughts, words, experiences...and of course insights.

So..lets start with where i've been.
Humm..since the last post

- family dinner for Dad's bday at Lawry's. Karen got to meet everyone. Can't really gauge how that event went entirely...but overall it was ok. I think once i get things settled i'll ask my dad over for BBQ or something just more relaxing.

- When to PMX bbq. Wasn't too much for excitement level...but i was reminded that it seems just like the AX bbq. Found myself doing more physical activity..like playing catch...and flying a kite =). It was nice spending time with the new AX people...and future PMX staff.

- House Status - at this point...most of the living room is done. Had a great handy man that helped out and house sitters (alfred and karen) that made sure he could get in each time. The speakers and home theater system are up (man..that was drama in itself). He also added an aditional outlet in the entertainment area. Alfred and I installed a screen door to get more air flow to the room. I also bought some additional artwork and even a violin for the room. Just wait till its done..and I'll probably host a small kick back. Just need to do curtains now..and some paint. After the paint..the floor..and that will be it....for now =p....till i do the windows...ugg...seems endless
-Other House things - Got my roomie in. Welcome Neil as first ever roommate to the house. I've known Neil from back in the days of UCLA APO..and he's always been friendly, outgoing and overall cool. Kinda weird realizing that i have a roommate now..but its all good. Also thanks to Dave and Nea...gonna get a washer and dryer soon. Yeah!

- Bill Koo's Visit/MCSE classes - I'll actually do a seperate post for this one..cuz it could get long. (as if this post wasn't long enough)

- AX bbq - Yea..just like the other bbq. This time..the feelings have just been different...and less people i'm comfortable with.I did have fun playing basketball and horse. Man..some of the crazy things we made people do. =)

Other than that...just been living life. Oh Karen you ask =p...well..she's off to school and for the most part things are going well. I dont' really want to be the mushy - everything i write about and think about is her - boyfriend type...but really... I do miss her and love her a lot. We talk every nite...to inquire about each others day...but mostly just to hear each others voice. Its funny..cuz a lot of people have asked me if we plan on staying exclusive since we're sooo far away....and in fact we are. I'm happy to have found someone so special in my life...and still gives me room to breather and grow...because we both do not want our lives to revolve around each other...just as long as we're both a part of it. I've seen too many times when people get to into each other..that they lose themselves. For me...this relationship is a good balance. Course..i could do without the 3000 mile distance...but that is just a matter of time...and she is well worth it.

Besides that..been watching a lot of asian media. Got an M-Flow CD from Bren and loving the J-Drama "Be Nice to People". Man...they just really know how to reach a person. Trying to stay away from normal TV...but finding enough things to keep me busy (Note to self..need to work on the School network.) Anyways..also reading my next book C/O mantha..."Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown. Its a really good book...i can hardly put it down at times.

So yes...i'm alive...and truly busy (its not just an excuse...it really has been). I see that other bloggers have also been on break...but hopefully i can get visited by that comment whore martin (he hee..i swear u must wait for posts to appear at times martin..cuz as soon as they come up..u've got a comment. And i though I didn't work =p Love ya man.)

Till next time..

Oh yeah...Ventura Camping trip this weekend....so i wonder if i'll come across this...

Beer Bear link

I'm bringing Asahi..so hopefully he doesn't visit.

Domesticated

The weekend came and went pretty nicely. Started out pretty busy with dinner on friday (yeah AX Security...) to Raging Waters (yeah Ed C) and Rico's party on Sat. Overall it was a fun time with friends...mostly just enjoying each others company over shaved ice or Thai Hainam chicken. I'm just glad i didn't burn cuz it was soo hot this weekend.

My adventure on Sunday was pretty interesting to say the least. I guess it has to do with looking at life thru a different perspective. So..let me begin....

It started out with the fact that no one i contacted wanted a free ticket to Disneyland. When I told my cousin, she said that she could use it with Chan..and i felt that I would rather them have it than anyone else. My cousin has done so much..and endured so much..so i was just hoping this lil thing of a ticket would be a nice thank you. Well..so with the ticket now in good hands..i had a free day for Sunday.

Well..i was at home anyways for the weekend, due to those events..so i decided to chill at home. It was pretty hot but i didn't really want to head back home to MPK, especially since i remembered that Mantha was coming home that day. I actually asked Mila if i could accompany her to the airport to get them (mantha and Dad). She said sure..and now i had "plans" for the day. Well..it was still 10am...and pretty hot at the house. Since i didn't want to have 2 cars stuck at the movie theatre...and the Bourne Supremecy wasn't going to start till 11:25, i decide to take a walk to Edwards. Needless to say I made it quite an adventure. It included visiting the donut store, running accross the freeway overpass where there was no sidewalk, and eventually repelling down the hill side in my all-purpose Old Navy slippers. I made it to the movie...and it was pretty good.

Well..the title of this piece is domesticated...so let me explain why. After the movie, I found i had time to shop around the town center...so i decided to hit up Ross. Didn't really find much in clothing, so i just browsed around the store. Oddly enough, I did find some things in Homeware that i felt i needed (PaperTowel holder, sushi server, and coasters). After that I headed to Barnes and Noble. Instead of rushing to the Maxim/FHM and other men's magazine section...i found myself sitting and reading home furnishing and concepts magazines. (I did eventually get to Maxim =p). I also felt that i wanted to get more into reading...as i'm finding TV to be quite boring. (Cable-smable...i've turned on MTV 3 times last week to the same episode of the assistant). So yeah...i'm actually almost done with Farenheit 451.

Well..on the subject of home and domestication...i have my first roommate coming in next month. Yeah! now i just need to get things ready for him.

Weekend Plans
Fri - AX Staff Appreciatation Dinner - done...cool hanging with the crew again...otherwise the event was a waste of time. Boba and shaved ice..plus visiting the BEST library in the world - Cerritos Library.

Sat - Raging Waters with Friends...followed by Rico's bday. Looking forward to it...just hope i don't get sunburn.

Sun - Not sure yet. Looking to Karen's ticket to Disney before it expires this week. Otherwise...just a relaxing day.

Hoping the weekend flys by...so my hon will come home sooner.

RIP - SuperFreak Rick James - "I'm Rick James, Bitch"

Beautiful thing of this week
Getting phone calls from Karen in Europe.

Aug is here...
and much to the joking of my readers...yes...i'm still alive...and yes i'm posting cuz Karen is off in Europe (=p missing u love).

Honestly though...things have been really good for me. Since Karen got back, just been spending time together, had a nice getaway day that included reading books at Cerritos Library and Disneyland parks. We're taking it day by day..and enjoying each moment. =)
Yesterday Alfred and I were hanging out and we installed a screen door in the house so that was a big plus (finally some air circulation in that room). The speaker system came in and its sounds really good (hope that will get installed soon). The other thing is I may be getting a roommate soon as well..with friend from UCLA. (crossing fingers).

update: I may also have another roommate courtesy of Rich. Yeah! thanks Rich

Other than that...things have been really busy at work. Had an issue with a server in New Zealand that was killing my nights. The backup system wasn't communicating correctly and was inconsistant about backing up the data. We went about and changed everything, the tape drive, cable, scsi card....and even re-installed the software....to no avail. Then...after all of that...i wake up one morning to see it ran the jobs properly. Yeah! Guess thats why they call me a Legend in Asia-Pacific. If it wasn't for such a busy weekend schedule this month, i would have tried for a trip to Asia-Pacific to "fix" it.

Well..ok then...there's a quick update before i have to get back to work. I promise for more soon enough. =p

Happy Birthday Rico